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Idina Iordanau

I know you have felt much more love than you've shown

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Idina Iordanau

It had been just over two months since the night from full moon hell and the only true positive Idina could find in anything was that it was winter. The sun went down so early Idina could sit out by the lake and watch it go down, the fading light catching in her hair to make her look more like walking fire than normal. She knew they were supposed to be patrolling one last time on this blessedly cold evening before curfew hit, but since returning from Bali and facing the harsh reality that was her final few months at Hogwarts Idina had found herself lacking in all desire do fulfill any of the duties she'd never particularly been attached to. 

 

She'd honestly only done them because some tiny part of her felt responsible, but how responsible could she, a reckless 17-year-old who disappeared to tropical paradise without telling her family, be? As Isobel AND her father had reminded her immediately upon returning to Jersey, she hadn't acted as they thought a school Prefect should. She'd fled at the first sign of trouble to be with Dove and nobody seemed to understand why. Regret filled her to the brim as she found herself wishing for a time turner, those fabled devices which would have allowed her to do both. While the terror she generally struck in the eyes of most younger students was generally warranted, her coldness toward her yearmates was not.

 

It was a stroke of luck Ethan wasn't horrifically injured, but she couldn't say the same for everybody in her year. Fluke, Anton, Dove, Alayna... Every name matched with a person she cared about to some degree, but worst of all was Cora. She'd known better than to leave the Ravenclaw in the Great Hall, yet she had abandoned her in the blink of an eye. There was nothing Idina could ever do that would make up for betraying her friend's trust like that and she knew it.

 

She felt the presence of the Head Girl, whom she was patrolling with that night, before she saw her. She'd heard stories of Alayna clinging desperately to Fluke, even as her roommates tried to get her to safety. Of all people, perhaps she could understand. Idina could feel the ice cold tears all but freezing to her face as she stared, determined not to let on what she was feeling, directly ahead, her arms wrapped around her legs and her chin resting on her knees. "Does anybody ever question you, or blame you even? For staying by his side no matter what?"

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Alayna Weasley

It felt like a sick sort of joke to go patrolling now. The badge on Alayna Weasley’s chest shined with the promise of responsibility, one which professors and staff looked upon to help them keep order, but something  they seemed to have ridiculously forgotten was that ‘responsibility’ was only as powerful as one was strong. And she was anything but strong. Those with true strength didn’t allow monsters to attack their family, after all. But she had. Those with true strength were able to fight, too. And she couldn’t. Those of true strength could overcome any obstacle, summon forth every power within themselves and do something productive. Yet she was useless.

 

She wasn’t strong. She was weak, and of absolutely no help to anyone.

 

So to believe otherwise while forcing her to still organize patrols was humorous, really; and the only reprieve came in the form of, funnily enough, her own power. It wasn’t a coincidence that she was the one set to march across lawns and lakefront that night.

 

Moving dutifully forward, the redhead kept her head down until she spotted the familiar outline of her designated partner for the evening. She didn’t know Idina all that well and honestly it’d been that very fact which had contributed to her choosing her for the night. If her classmate wanted to take the time and criticize her, she could take that. If she wanted silence instead? She could take that, too. Just so long as she wasn’t swept up into any other sorts of conversation, she could take anything else.

 

Anything. Anything at all.

 

Except… what?

 

Blinking at the aired question, Alayna’s eyebrows drew together into a line as she stared down at the Slytherin sitting before her. “What?” she inquired, confusion shrouding everything else.

 

And then it hit her like a wave and her cheeks darkened considerably.

 

Oh. No. I… I mean… I don’t… I don’t know.”

 

Her gaze dropped to her shoes and she picked at the skin lining her thumbnail.

 

So much for avoiding unpleasant conversation.

Edited by Alayna Weasley

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Idina Iordanau

Her question had caught Alayna off-guard, but Idina couldn't bring herself to be sorry for that. Not with so much awful in the world. As it was, Idina had spent most of her holiday in utter silence, breaking it only to talk to herself or hotel staff as necessary, as she surfed her way through her pain and many unpleasant thoughts in Bali. A couple times, she had encountered other surfers and won some money off of them in surfing contests, though it hadn't been entirely necessary. At least it prevented the Slytherin from overspending when she knew she'd be on her own within a few months.

 

"I heard you stuck by him," Idina said after a couple minutes of silence. She had her sources, reliable ones at that. The tales had been numerous and rapid-fire and some of the hardest things Idina had ever listened to, yet listen she had. For hours she listened to stories people shared. Tales of bravery, fear, and deep loyalty. "I think it's really admirable, you know. That level of loyalty is hard to find in a person."

 

Yet why couldn't anybody see it the same way when she had stuck by Dove? Sure, Idina wished she had been in there, defending the younger students and helping her friends. Maybe they would have made it with just one more decent fighter. Maybe Fluke and Cora would be ok had Idina been there, too. Maybe.

 

What if?

 

Maybe.

 

"I'm sorry. I feel like I failed everybody by leaving when I did, but Dove needed me. If I could have been in two places at once, I would have. I know I seem..." Icy? Uncaring? Completely separated from the world of human emotion? All of these were likely accurate descriptors for Idina, but at the same time all indications lately were pointing to how incredibly false they were. "Dove could have died. I don't know what I'd do without her. She's the only one who's even cared consistently."

 

The 'about me' was silent.

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