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Inara Kennedy

I think I wanna marry you.

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Inara Kennedy

Lyrics by Bruno Mars

 

 

Inara had made and packed a lunch for her and John to enjoy by the lake. It was finally a nice day and as they walked out to a spot, she turned her face towards the sun (a rarity) and smiled. When they picked out a spot and began to put the blanket down, she remembered something that she wanted to tell him.

 

“Oh guess what someone said to me earlier! They wanted to know when the wedding was and if they would be invited. I was like… we’re young. This engagement is a commitment. We’re not going to get married for years. We have so much to do before then.” She shrugged and flopped down on the blanket, pulling the basket of food and drinks over.

 

 

 

Edited by Inara Kennedy

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John Lupin

Confusing as it was, the transition to talking about the wedding made sense to John. He’d been talking about the weird limp that Chopstick had been developing lately, so they’d been talking about her vet practise, so...the future? Or something? Maybe the transition didn’t make sense to him after all. 

 

And just when he was about to laugh along with her, he registered what she said. 

 

“Wait—years?”

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Inara Kennedy

Inara handed John one of the sandwiches she had made, a bag of crisps, and a drink. She had baked cookies, brownies, and mini pies for dessert (perhaps going a little over board). She found the napkins and placed them in the middle of the blanket. As she was fussing, she looked up at John for a moment. "Well, we're only seventeen. Eighteen soon but still. That's young. We have so much to do... I want to get my careers started. You have a business. We'll need to settle before we get married or have kids."

 

She was still setting up the picnic but stopped to look at him again. "I guess I took the proposal and engagement as a commitment to each other. And I'm thrilled that we're engaged. And I want to plan a wedding but... it seems too soon. Did you want to get married sooner?" She would, of course, consider it. Maybe John had a plan or was just too excited. She could go along with that.

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John Lupin

John bit into the sandwich Inara handed him. It was delicious, and he felt a little guilty that he was questioning her about the wedding when she’d done something so sweet, when she’d taken care of him so well. 

 

“I guess I just—“ he started, deflated. It felt stupid to say it out loud. Selfish. Who got married at eighteen? He’d thought the advice was silly when his dad had said it, but he’d thought Inara would be on board. He thought she’d say something like “we’ll figure it out!” And they could throw caution to the wind and be stupid kids and in love. 

 

“Nevermind. You’re right.” He shrugged, taking another bite of his sandwich. 

 

“Thanks,” he said through a mouthful of roast beef, “it’s really good.” He’d cooked for her a couple of times over the summer—just pub basics, like roast cauliflower and  freshly fried chips, bangers and mash with a side of peas—so he supposed it was okay if Inara was cooking for him, too, and it wasn’t sexist that she had made him a meal. Still: he felt like he was taking advantage of her. Like he was only in it for the food or something. 

 

He wasn’t, for the record.

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Inara Kennedy

Inara smiled, even though she was worried that his statement of "you're right" meant that he hadn't been feeling the same way. Should she press the matter? Maybe she should ask him about it? Relationships were about talking it out and compromise. She didn't want to him to just go with what she said because she said it. She wanted them both to be happy with their decisions and come together on things.

 

"You are most welcome," she said. She reached out to brush a bug from his hair and said, "Did you feel differently? Like did you want to get married sooner? I want us to talk and be honest with each other. If you want to get married sooner, I want to know. We can come up with a plan that works for both of us."

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John Lupin

And just when he thought he could handle it, the bottling it up inside, she had to ask if he was sure. 

 

Honest, she had said.

 

He did want to get married earlier. He had the fantasy of walking down the aisle next year, of watching Inara walk down toward him, of populating the earth with kids with her blue eyes and his big ears the very next year, and having the domestic life of happiness and carefreeness and laughter. 

 

If he was being honest--he knew that was all a pipe dream, and that he wanted to do what was best for them, even if it meant doing something he didn't want to do. Like wait.

 

That was what marriage was all about, right? Compromise. 

 

"I think waiting will be best for both of us," he said, forcing himself to be bright. He could feel good about this, he was sure--maybe it would take him a few minutes, but eventually he would feel as enthusiastic as he sounded. "You have to study for your magizoologist exam, and I have to . . . I dunno, be an undercover auror or something."

 

It was laughable. Like he had the marks to get into the auror academy.

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Inara Kennedy

She could feel that he wasn't entirely behind what he was saying and it bothered her. She didn't want to force John into anything he didn't want to do. Inara wanted to be there for him just as much as he was there for her. She could make sacrifices too. He didn't have to suck it up and take it all. They were a partnership and she wasn't going to let that slip into her being the boss.

 

"Here's the thing," she said and looked right into his eyes. "I do have that to do. And you have your business. But that doesn't mean that in two years we won't be settled enough to get married, you know? So maybe it doesn't happen the second we graduate but it could happen a year after or two years after. So that's not the 'forever away' that I was thinking and not the immediate future like you were thinking but... it's the middle of them." She gave a small smile and reached out for his hand. "Don't bottle it all up. Be honest. Even if you think it will hurt my feelings. I'd rather know." And if he wasn't honest with her, she was going to find out and that would annoy her.

Edited by Inara Kennedy

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John Lupin

Inara tried to reassure him, but John wasn't buying it.

 

Two years was like forever. Two years ago, John was kissing Irene Redgrave in the common room and was holding his metamorphmagus secret to his chest like it was every breath he would ever take. He was so different now, and there was no question that he would be incredibly different in another two years. 

 

What if she stopped loving in two years?

 

What if he stopped loving her in two years?

 

Then you shouldn't be getting married in the first place, John's dad said in his mind.

 

But no way could he tell Inara he was having doubts. That would ruin everything. She'd never trust him again. For her sake, and for his, he had to lie. 

 

"Yeah," said John, the guilt creeping in on him, but he pushed it away under the guise that he was helping her, protecting her--he had to protect her, because even though girls and boys were equal, he was still sworn under the Oath of Manhood to protect his wife when she didn't realise she needed protecting. John was a very good actor; his yeah came off reassuring, even though every part of him now was increasingly wondering if he really wanted to marry Inara Kennedy in the first place.

 

There was nothing wrong with her. There was no reason he should be feeling this way. And yeah, the honeymoon period had started to fade, but that just meant he had to be even more committed to her, right? He had to support her however he could see she needed to be supported. He had to keep his doubts to himself. The only doubts Inara wanted to know about, really, were how far off the wedding itself would be. 

 

"Two years sounds great," he said with a smile.

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Inara Kennedy

John seemed like he was getting on board and she wanted to believe him. She wanted to think that the conversation was over. That the matter was settled. But there was still a nagging thought going through her head that he was just appeasing her. She didn't know what to do about it, however. Did she call him out? Did she keep pressuring him for honesty? Did she change her mind and go with getting married directly after finish at Hogwarts?

 

She had to think about her options. She would have to consult @Kaelyn Paddock, of course. And maybe she would even have to ask her parents for advice. She really didn't know what to do and that upset her. She almost always knew what to do. She was the Queen of Planning. She always had Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, and more. But right now... she had nothing. It brought a panicky feeling to her chest.

 

"Okay," she said, with a smile. She was still happy to be there with John. Still happy that they were engaged. Still happy that they were together forever. She would find a way to work this out. She had to. If she didn't, it would be the end of their relationship, she thought. And she didn't want that. She couldn't have that.

 

She reached into the picnic basket and got the desserts. She placed the cookies, brownies, and mini pies in front of John so that he could choose. She had made enough so that he could bring the extras back to @Kirk Lawson and @Reid J. Fauchelevent. She took a brownie for herself and held it, wondering what else to say. It didn't feel like there was anything to say so she took a bite of the brownie and left it at that.

 

End.

Edited by Inara Kennedy

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