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Professor Gawkrodger

The Sorting Feast

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Professor Gawkrodger

When he'd been a schoolboy of about fourteen or fifteen the then-headmaster at his school had sent a letter to Gawkrodger's mother (an unusual choice considering she'd died when he was two, but the owl found its way safely to his father's desk in lieu) which laid out the school's opinion that traditional schooling was of no value to young Teddy and that he would be best served leaving now to seek an apprenticeship in a line of work appropriate to his abilities. The man had suggested carving a rune on an assembly line or "some other handcraft".

 

Standing in front of the school as temporary headmaster under the bright, starry canopy of the Great Hall ought to have been an experience with a satisfactory, gloating quality. A big "up yours" to all the teachers who'd ever decided it was outside their job description to figure out how to teach a child who could neither verbally incant nor follow instructions. In fact, it felt terrifying. Gawkrodger was not a natural public speaker -- it had been enough to get used to a classroom, and addressing his house still invited nerves -- and he did not like directing or managing other adults.

 

He'd asked the board for some assurances this would only be for a short time, and they'd promised him they already had some interesting candidates ready to interview. Theoretically he could spend the last few weeks of the summer break doing the things he did like; streamlining the timetabling process, fixing the filing and tidying up the financials and so on, then step back into his real job title at the end of the first fortnight at school, at the latest. He just had to do all this bloody start of year business first.

 

"Er," he said to the crowd, "Um, well." They didn't seem particularly interested. He thought about sitting down and just deciding nobody wanted an opening address this year, but the staff were already looking at him and maybe that would be more embarrassing than just talking. Taking a page out of Flamel's unfinished book, Gawkrodger took out his wand, swiped it across in front of him and forcibly sat all the students down at once.

 

"Okay, ah, all right then. Um, welcome to another year at Hogwarts, or to your first for those who are new. Those who aren't might notice Headmistress Flamel, uh, isn't here. She, um, decided to move on to other things. I'm Prof-- ah, Headmaster Gawkrodger, I suppose, for now." He frowned and mumbled "just temporary" a couple of times in case they hadn't already gotten the idea.

 

"Things will continue on this year much the same as before," he said, because he'd already told the board he didn't really want to be in charge and as such refused to make any changes or consequential decisions. "Although we'll be removing the shackles," he blurted out without thinking about it.

 

This was one of the reasons he didn't like to talk too much except on his topics of particular interest. Once he got going he didn't really know when to stop and tended to just ramble on, often with elaborate lies, personal secrets or made up nonsense. "Oh, and, uh, implementing some formal disaster plans for if we have any future emergencies."

 

Apparently he had more ideas about this job than he'd realised. He'd already thought of some more, which he judiciously kept his mouth shut about. But they could have all sorts of things, if you thought about it. Literacy and numeracy classes for those who arrived behind their peers, held on weekends or evenings perhaps. He could make someone teach sex education to the second years as a whole group. And none of these kids got enough exercise, maybe Cole could teach something aside from flying: general fitness in the winter and swimming in the summer, perhaps? And they needed a new official plan of action for werewolf students. And there should probably be some kind of mentor for the other different students, veela and giants and goblins and such. And something in the budget should be set aside to send the professors to educational opportunities such as conferences in their specialities. And and...

 

And this was only for a week or two more so he couldn't do any of that. And, he reminded himself, he didn't want to do anything and didn't have any real ideas so it would have been better if he hadn't even said anything about the shackles or disaster planning.

 

"Um," Gawkrodger said, and coughed nervously. "Right, so of course you should all be congratulating your new Head Girls -- two girls again -- Flynn Daniels and Kelly Ashcroft. I'm sure they'll do a great job.

 

"We also have some new professors," he added. It was quite nerve-wracking to know he'd had a small hand in hiring these people and they could turn out to be any kind of disaster. He felt he was a person who somewhat invited disastrous consequences. "Professors Langdon, Hambeldon and Foster," he mumbled with a hurried 'please-don't-be-disasters' gesture at the staff as a whole. "Please show them all the respect you would show any of the staff." So, none.

 

"Anyway, um, enjoy the feast and let's look forward to a year that's..." Gawkrodger took a moment to reflect on the fact that he was currently the headmaster and ought to manage expectations appropriately before concluding "...not too bad."

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Professor Ripley

"But what," Professor Ripley could be heard saying/mumbling/grumbling somewhere further down the staff table, "Is the point if there are no cups to win."

 

He had taken the cancellation of the quidditch cup and the dueling tournament hard.

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Professor Grimsby

Grimsby snored spectacularly, having fallen asleep during sorting.

 

Sorry Gawk.

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Professor Narsinghani

Sam sighed at the introductions. What was he then? Chopped liver? #Rude

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Professor Hambeldon

Literally all he wanted to do was eat. He saw only his empty plate in front of him throughout Gawk's speech and it was making him sad. 

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Professor Gawkrodger

Narsinghani was someone who had been hired and acted as a substitute towards the end of the previous year, so not a new professor for this year at all. #accuracy

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Bryony King

Bryony took her usual seat at the Slytherin table and pursed her lips. She wasn't sure what to make of the ickles they had gotten. For now she would just watch them and make judgements. 

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Rowan Allard

Finally able to rejoin her friends (#thankskimber), Rowan had sat patiently only slightly fidgeting as she awaited the sorting. Once the first incoming student had the hat plopped on their head she sprang into action, launching one of the red howlers she'd saved from last term. It exploded in a loud shout:

 

NERDS!

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Ignatia Fay

Iggy was thoroughly unimpressed with the world. "This school has been around FOREVER, and you're only just now making emergency plans? And removing shackles? Catch up, people. You're an educational institution for Merlin's sake."

She plopped her butt into a row of blue and bronze. Whatever. "Pass the chicken."

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Caprica Delacroix

"Oh my god, this is all wiztagram worthy!" Caprica immediately joined the Hufflepuffs and began snapping all the pictures of the food before she was ready to eat. 

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Dove Lightwood

Why did they keep adding more students? Hadn't the previous first years attempting to explode the entire castle? It seemed like a waste of time in Dove's book. The feast was started, and Dove instead decided that she would just glare at Idina. She should have suspected that Hogwarts wouldn't change. After all, they let her in the walls, and didn't prepare them for that. 

 

"Save me now." She said out loud as a howler was released, and first years were excitable. Dove just wanted her bed already. 

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Desmond Potter

"CAP...." He said getting up from his seat with his friends for a hot second, "come sit with me." He said as he looked around, hoping that someone would move over and make room for his best friend.

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Tate De Carlo

" Dove," Tate said as she spot her best friend during the sorting feast. " Come save me from these stupid nerds please! " she said. Thank merlin she wasnt going have deal with her brother for another year after this. 

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Cecily Redwood

Let's be real, if anyone was a nerd in this school it was Rowan.  They were still sorting so there was no food yet, but Cecily was prepared.

 

She pulled the jar of mayo she swiped from her mum and opened it up and threw the contents at Rowan, who was only just behind her.

 

"Nerd!"

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Caprica Delacroix

"Desmond!" Caprica went and joined Desmond and doged the mayo. "Hey! Mayo is only good for killing lice!"

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Kelly Ashcroft

After the full-on-war in the Prefects' Compartment, Kelly had at last managed to calm herself down (with the help of Flynn and Puck). She drifted in, high on this calming drought, storing away her negative emotions and anger behind her to appreciate the sorting feast and the attention she'd receive as Head Girl.

 

It took about two minutes for this to blow up. Her previous threats had been (empty), whispering false promises of shackles into Rosie's ear, but they, at least, were feasible. 

 

Now she was in a nightmare (Kelly had always hated dreaming, hated waking up soaked in sweat and screams after experiencing horrors awake). The nightmare stripped her of Flamel (her backbone) and brought her Gawkrodger, who'd two years ago forced her into the worst detention (and one of the worst moments of her life) where she stood there, in front of everyone, flaunting her part-werewolf skin.

 

Her brain was electric in it's panic. He liked werewolves. He'd support werewolves. 

 

It's only temporaryIt's only temporaryIt's only temporaryIt's only temporaryIt's only temporaryIt's only temporaryIt's only temporaryIt's only temporaryIt's only temporaryIt's only temporaryIt's only temporaryIt's only temporaryIt's only temporaryIt's only temporaryIt's only temporary

 

AVADAKEDAVRAAVADAKEDAVRAAVADAKEDAVRAAVADAKEDAVRAAVADAKEDAVRAAVADAKEDAVRA

 

All that came from her mouth, though:

 

"NO."

Edited by Kelly Ashcroft

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Desmond Potter

He was so happy to see his best friend again, and now they were in the same house. "I am so happy that you got Hufflepuff." He smiled as there was mayo heading his way. "What was that for?"

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Daya Valdez

Slytherin? 

 

Tch. Whatever. Houses were stupid anyway. 

 

"Hey you." She grumbled pointing at her housemate. "With all that nasty crap in your hair." What? She didn't know their name.  "Pass me the potatoes."  She glared. 

Edited by Daya Valdez

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Rowan Allard

Okay, gross. Who in their right mind just carried mayonnaise with them - that was , like, disgusting. White goop splattered against her robes, and it took all her composure to not hurl right then and there.

 

"Shove off, Redwood!" She responded, loping a handful of the closest thing she could grab. Mashed potatoes flew through the air towards the Gryffindor.

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Eliza Finlay

Eliza sat down at the Gryffindor Table and was just so excited about all the new adventures that were coming her way. She looked around  at all the amazing things that were before her and a smell caught her and had her turning to look back at all the delicious treats that were before her on the table and saw something that was one of her favorite treats of all times which caused her to have a grin so big, "Oh look, Pumpkin Pasties, those are sure to be delicious."

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Professor Althaus

Kasper tried to not take it personally that he and Sam were decidedly never given a proper introduction to the school. It really was rude. 

 

Though maybe it it was because he was distracted by the cornucopia of dinosaurs he had in his robe pockets. He hadn't been able to pick who to take to the sorting feast so ... they were all there. And they were all starting to wake up. This could only end badly if he didn't get them under control. Hopefully no one minded the squirming, roaring pockets for a bit before he could discreetly shut them up while everyone ate. 

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Professor Narsinghani

Sam leaned over to Kasper, his fellow unintroduced professor because apparently substitutes don't matter (aka see if I ever sub in for you Headmaster). The man was squirming and writhing in a very uncool way. "Dude, stop, that looks really weird."

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Cecily Redwood

The mashed potatoes hit her in the face. Cecily grabbed spaghetti off the Gryffindor table and threw the entire bowl over Rowan and anyone unfortunate Hufflepuff sitting next to her.

 

"Never nerd."

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Dove Lightwood

She moved her eyes from Idina towards her best friend. Something that resembled a smile appeared on her features at the other girls words. "They really do let just about anyone enrol, don't they?"

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Seeley Pichardo

Seeley... having been unceremoniously shoved down the table away from Des to make room for the newcomer (humpf) took to ignoring the rest of the sorting ceremony entirely.  She did however double over in laughter at Rowan's howler and then took to surveying the rest of the staff table.  Grinning, she tossed up a hand to wave at her favorite substitute professors.  

 

If Headmaster Gawk wouldn't acknowledge them... she would.   (im lookin atchu mcalthottie & agent nars) 

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