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Sheridan Gray

Do You Know The Muffin Man?

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Sheridan Gray

"OUTTA THE WAY," came a warning bellow as a blur of green and brown hurtled down the corridors, dodging and weaving hazardously through the abudance of students exiting classrooms. When the occasional person was resistant to moving out of the way, they were rewarded with a jab from a particularly bony elbow as Sheridan Gray thundered along at breakneck speed. Having overslept that morning, no thanks to her lousy housemates who had just left her there snoring peacefully, she had missed breakfast completely. This meant that all the way through the morning lessons, her stomach had voiced its complaints through a series of noisy growls that seemed to come at the most inconvenient times. The teachers hadn't seemed too impressed with her, by any means, and she was absolutely dying for just a mouthful of food. Even scummy vegetables would do!


Leaping down the last few steps on the impossibly long stairs, Sheridan finally reached the ground floor and started racing towards the Great Hall, once more having to skillfully skip around people in the way. Normally she attempted to not look like the rest of the first years (that is, hyperactive trolls on crack) but her hunger was so great that she just had to run to get there, lest she died if she didn't shovel a load of grub into her mouth right this second. Dodging with a grimace around a particularly fat Gryffindor at the entrance, the first year quickly found her way to her house table and sat down eagerly. Already she felt better just looking at the vast array of food before her. After scanning the selection hurriedly, the Slytherin happily spooned a large portion of toad in the hole onto her plate, following that with a generous serving of mashed potato and gravy. Perfect.


The girl was just picking up her fork to dig in when she noticed the lack of anything sweet on her plate. Oh no, this just wouldn't do. Gazing up and down the length of the table, she inspected doughnuts of all kinds, chocolate eclairs, some random sugary pastry thing and then... wait. Wait, wait, wait. Where were the muffins?! Sheridan very nearly gasped out loud as she surveyed the empty dish before her, where only moments ago some beautiful, glorious muffins had sat. Now it was just a few lonely-looking crumbs. Curses! Then, movement out of the corner of her eye made the first year turn, spotting two muffins on the plate of a greedy, disgusting housemate who seemed to not see how gross he was. Her glare went unnoticed as the boy turned his back momentarily... and she seized the opportunity to steal a muffin, snatching it away with a swiftness that would have made any pickpocket proud.


Before anybody would be able to notice, she stuffed the yummy goodness onto the side of her plate, carefully making sure that it didn't touch any of the other food on the dish. After a quick glance around with just the slightest hint of paranoia, Sheridan happily tucked into her plate of deliciousness. The girl scooped up a forkful of toad in the hole and mashed potato, dipping it leisurely in the gravy before stuffing it into her mouth with an expression of bliss.


"Mmm," Sheridan mumbled, chewing quickly and almost inhaling a lung in her hurry to get to the next mouthful.

Edited by Sheridan Gray

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Maxwell Lunes



A time between midday and mid-afternoon when every person's biological clock told them to feed. It was a fierce desire, hardly deniable by any wizard, witch, or muggle. Even staunch rivals could cease their quarrels to take a moment for a meal during this time. Just as lions were coded to tackle gazelles on the hunt, there was a similar mechanism coded into our DNA that read 'between noon and four, tackle food'.


This is where Maxwell Amadeus Lunes found himself now.


Simply put, he was famished. Having skipped out on breakfast entirely, he had gone an entire transfiguration lesson with the low grumble of hunger drowning out his professors every word. Not that he was paying attention anyways, but the fact remained: he was damn hungry.


Uncaring for whoever stood between him and the great hall, he was blind to all the other first years he essentially trampled over to get there. In total, he must've left at least three people whining of stomped feet in his wake. Obviously, you didn't mess with Max when he was hungry.


The young Slytherin had the prize in his sights. Far across the hall on one particular Slytherin table were two muffins which had his name written all over them. His mouth watered at the mere sight and he moved with all the voracity of a man starved (though of course he's just this ickle 12 year old kid).


Plomping himself down just in front of his treats, he shoved all sorts of meats onto his plate along with mashed potatoes and gravy. Finally, with swift, decisive action, he snatched the last two muffins on the table and sat them down on a corner of their own on his plate. He looked at his food longingly and felt the gurgle of his stomach one more time before he remembered that he'd need some juice to wash this all down with.


Turning his head conveniently, he found the pitcher and leaned over to pour himself some. He watched intently as the liquid goodness filled his cup. But upon his return he immediately noticed the atrocity that had just occurred. Where two delectable muffins should be was instead only one. At first he couldn't believe his eyes. It must be the hunger getting to him, he was sure of it. After his double-take, though, the muffin failed to reappear.


"Oy!" he yelped suddenly, "What's this?"


He looked to his right frantically and noticed a somewhat familiar female face stuffing itself quite disgustingly. Even he was a model of cleanliness next to her. Dipping toad in the hole in gravy... gross. Yet that wasn't what troubled him in the least. What was in fact the most disturbing thing about the whole image was that on her plate sat a muffin very much identical to the one he had lost. Putting two and two together (her being a slob + his missing muffin), he gathered that she had stolen it from him! What a tart!


"Hey, give that back you thief!"

Edited by Maxwell Lunes

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