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Ministry Opens Inquiry Into Damian Wickham As Possible Petition Suspect

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Daily Prophet

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The Department of Magical Law Enforcement announced today that it had identified @Damian Wickham as a person of interest behind petitions that have been circulating around the wizarding community. The first asks for the forbidden forest to be bulldozed and replaced with a werewolf sanctuary, and the second asks for Hogwarts itself to be shut down for good.

 

“The man is a lunatic,” said Eva Picardy, Vice President of Growing Fruitful Futures, an educational nonprofit. “Both of these petitions would cause serious harm to students at Hogwarts if they were enacted. The first would put them in danger, and the second would deprive them of the education that they are rightfully entitled to.”

 

While the Department of Magical Law Enforcement has said they’re only interested in the fact that the petition is unauthorized, noted conservative activists Michael and Insley Jacobin went a step further.

 

“Damian Wickham’s daughter is @Kay Wickham, who became a werewolf in the November 8 attack. It’s clear that behind these petitions is a motivation to provide for his child at the expense of everyone else’s. We encourage the Ministry to investigate to the fullest extent of the law,” they said in a recent statement.

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"Oh, this ought to be good," Arcite snorted - hard enough to hurt his sinuses, yes, but only such a snort could fully convey his level of derision - as he sipped his cappuccino and snapped the Daily Prophet pages straight.

 

Moments later, he had @Damian Wickham on the phone. "Congratulations, you're reached notoriety, you American," Arcite cackled with obvious glee. "Have you seen the Prophet? It's utter drivel--"

 

"What? No," Carson chimed in from where he was decorating a cake. "Then again, if Ickham's in the paper..." Arcite waved a hand at him. 

 

"You're about to have more customers than you know what to with!"

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