The Chudley Cannon's manager Ronald Keenan says he is not worried by his team's poor start to the season; the Cannons have lost all of their matches so far and have not managed to score even a single point.
The team's lacklustre start has been impeded by French Seeker Francis Dubois, who seems more interested in catching hearts than the golden snitch. Dubois recently won Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award, and his sparkling teeth and joyous dimples have seen the Cannon's female fanbase grow exponentially.
"We had a rough pre-season," says Keenan, oblivious to the fact the Cannons have been bottom of the league for the last three years, "with many injuries and illnesses. One of our beaters caught dragon pox and set our broomshed on fire when he sneezed. We'll hit our stride soon."
Despite his eternal optimism, Keenan's job must surely be on the line if the Cannons do not score even one goal in the next few games.