We've just gotten word that one of the kidnapped children is in fact Avery Potter, Harry Potter's granddaughter. We have no doubt that the Auror Office will be involved in settling this undoubtedly poorly planned abduction.
An insider at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry has noted that while preparations for the new school year have gone smoothly thus far despite recent and sudden changes to the staff, it seems a new flock of doxies have taken residence in the countless draperies around the castle. Staff of Hogwarts have been fighting the doxies off with Doxycide as per routine, however this seems to be a bigger job than they'd originally thought.
Doxies typically prefer cold climates and it has been unseasonably warm. Whether the pests were planted there as a revenge scheme from the rumored-to-be bitter former Headmistress Flamel is mere speculation, but it looks as though students may find themselves attacked by more than knowledge on September 1st. Get your knockback jinxes ready, kids!
LL: Lana Lumos here with your five-minute pop culture news. Today, I have a very important announcement to make. WWN is raffling off VIP tickets to meet the Midnight Prince backstage at his next concert in Hogsmeade! You’re not going to want to miss this, he’ll be debuting the songs from his new album A Time for Darkness, A Time for Light. The first three callers who call in will win the tickets!
OOC: This will work a bit like a raffle. You have 72 hours from the time of this post to comment with a number between 1-50 and a 50 word rp. The three people who have selected the closest numbers will meet the Midnight Prince in an rp. **Offer Only Valid For Third Years And Up**
An anonymous tip from a concerned citizen has informed us at the Wizarding Wireless Network that a possible kidnapping via illegal portkey has occurred on the grounds of Crystal Fountain Park. Witnesses report an adult and possible accomplice lured multiple children in with an unknown but irresistible enchanted object. It is not yet known where the children were taken or who the culprits are connected to, but reports indicate the Department of Magical Transportation has been notified at this time. We will continue to report as this story unfolds.
This is an urgent message from your Ministry health department. Chocolate frogs, manufactured and purchased in the last two weeks, are on recall. No individuals should consume these chocolate frogs due to a small batch being tainted by WonderWitch Love Potions. A Dustin Tieber superfan is in custody for contaminating the chocolate frogs in efforts to revive the singer’s popularity. Mr. Tieber’s agent did not respond to inquiries.
Reports are pouring in from dozens of sources in the early hours of Sunday morning that Ollivander's, beloved wand shop of Diagon Alley, has been vandalised and an unknown amount of wands have been taken from the premises.
"The doors and windows was busted up to oblivion," said Callus Mordain of Knockturn Alley, who caught sight of the aftermath on his early morning stroll. "Things was on fire and broken and it looked like a lotta shelves was empty. I didn't take no wands, though, I promise you that!"
It is unclear as of yet the extent of the damage or how much inventory was stolen, however this would not be the first time the shop, open since 382 BC, has been the target of such a heinous crime. "The complexity of skilled wandmaking has always been the root of envy in the wizarding world. People are most often lured in by the high quality merchandise and galleons that a wand shop like Ollivander's produces," says celebrity wand expert, Katta Katternova, host of The Next Great Wandmaker. "I wouldn't be surprised if it was some lowly no-named thieves just looking to turn a profit."
We reached out to the shop's current owner, Agatha Ollivander, who requested only privacy during this time. Ollivander's is closed to the public temporarily as they asses the damage, although they are still taking orders by owl.
Any information regarding the witches or wizards responsible for this crime can be reported to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Rewards of up to 100 galleons have been offered for helpful tips in this case.
"Thank you for tuning in to our nightly After-Dinner Chat. I'm Sam Deng and it's Thursday night so we're going to get just a touch political. I'm here today with Urta Daufari, noted author of "The Things We Own", a history of goblin artifacts, and "Not Lying Down", an analysis of goblin rebellion throughout the ages. It's a pleasure to have you here today, Urta."
"Thank you, Sam. It's my pleasure to be able to talk about goblin rights on a show that reaches so many listeners."
/Laughter/ "I hope our station manager is as pleased with my numbers as you are. Now, for the benefit of the audience Urta is a half-goblin witch and was raised among goblins, so she has a special insight into... I'll say "both worlds". Does that sound right to you, Urta?"
"I'm sure other part-humans would argue there's more than just two worlds, but for our purposes that suits."
"And to start us off with a bang, what do you think is the biggest problem facing today's goblins?"
"That's a big question, Sam, but I think the answer is simple: inaction. We have people in power right now who claim to be concerned with the rights of the downtrodden, but it's evident that their concern is superficial, as nothing is actually being done to allow non-humans to uplift themselves."
"Are you talking about--"
"Yes, the Minister for Magic. She has talked a big talk, yet we've seen nothing come of it. If Hermione Granger-Weasley is so concerned about our rights, where are the reparations for the families of goblins killed in battles humans have incited? Where are the treasures being returned to the goblins who rightly own them? Where is the basic respect from the wizarding community?"
"Do you think the Minister has the power to change such a long-standing community attitude?"
"Sam, I think she has the power to try."
"Now, I know you'll have opinions on Wizards First Trust."
/laughter/ "I certainly do. Before I get into it, though, I want to be clear that I have no problem with competition. Goblins have been bankers for generations, and nobody can compete with a full goblin in terms of natural affinity for money management. I truly believe that WizFirst will fail as a result of not even hiring a goblin consultant, but the real issue with this bank comes back to community attitudes. A non-human or even part-human cannot open an account with WizFirst, and nobody is challenging it. We're back on the topic of inaction now. A lot of people think what WizFirst is doing now is wrong, but nobody is willing to do anything about it."
"It's the topic of your new book, isn't it? A focus on historical figures who could have stopped atrocities but didn't."
"That's right. "Idle Hands" is all about the evil which comes from inaction."
"And this is your first publication which isn't focused on goblins specifically. Tell us about that."
-------------Be sure to tune-in for the conclusion to this interview in Part 2, next Sunday. And now a word from our sponsors...
Shortly after the Daily Prophet's exclusive report on hotel mogul Alaric Montague's recent disappearance, information began flooding in regarding theories on his whereabouts and recent dealings. Some sources claimed to have spotted the wizard in areas as far away as Toronto, Ontario, Canada and Los Angeles, California, USA while one source mentioned a possible inferi outbreak in Turkey in which they'd seen his reanimated corpse.
The most plausible disclosure, however, came from a source close to Montague, who reported that the last person Montague had been in contact with was Arnaude Flamel, Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It is said that Montague, an esteemed member of Hogwarts' Board of Governors, and Headmistress Flamel were meeting to discuss the latest allegations against her disciplinary tactics. It was after such meeting that the disappearance was reported.
Whether the reports are true or not, the question remains: What happened to Alaric Montague, and will his family soon find the closure they deserve?
IK: This is Isla Kelly. We’ve just received notice that Trudy Veritas, who was arrested by aurors during her infamous broadcast, has been released. Veritas faced a full wizengamot trial, but was not convicted due to her legal counsel’s arguments that Veritas had not actually procured the information she read on her show illegally.
When she was released, Veritas read this statement:
I am so thankful to the legal counsel that was provided by my friend Byron Handley-Mills. This day shall be remembered as one in which the Ministry tried to silence the truth. I look forward to resuming my show in any capacity I can, because it’s clear our community needs me now more than ever.
IK: This is Isla Kelly reporting to you live from outside of our studio, where a few witches and wizards have gathered to express their concerns about the world as we know it. Can you tell me what it is you're trying to tell everyone?
Wizard: Yeah, hello, my name is Gunther and I'm here to tell you that THE END IS HERE!
IK: And by "The End" you mean what, exactly?
Gunther: The end of our world, lady! The wizarding world, it's done! We are all going down and it's time for those who want to live to RUN!
IK: Where should people go if they are also concerned about the world, sir?
Gunther: Well, I don't know... Wherever I'm not! I don't want anybody following me. First werewolves, then did you hear about the vampires?
IK: Yes, we did hear...
Gunther: Who knows what's next! All I know is Merlin's great nephew predicted this thousands of years ago, I hea--
IK: And, ma'am, are you also concerned about the end of the world?
Witch: Yes, o'course! I seen this man here with his sign and I was askin' him questions and you know my cousin Hilda says the same thing! These beasts and whatnot are killin' EVERYBODY. No one's safe, not even my grandad who's DEAD. One day I'm goin' to wake up and he'll be tryin' to suck my blood! I'll have to beat him with my--
IK: And what are your thoughts on these claims, sir?
Wizard: I dunno, I'm just here for th--
IK: As you can see, quite a crowd has gathered here in Diagon Alley with lots of concern for the future of the wizarding world. Fears are on the rise as tragic news continues to pour in from all around the country. Will the Ministry respond?
And now we'll continue our Power Hour featuring Panic! In the Dungeons!
Japanese researcher Natsu Amori warned of global warming patterns affecting giant squid populations. The Japanese Ministry has formally reached out to urge the courtship between Hogwarts's Giant Squid and their national treasure, Ritsuko. Ritsuko is 56 years old and likes eating freshwater prawns.
IK: Good evening, this is Isla Kelly with breaking news that Trudy Veritas, conservative radio talk show host, has filed suits against everyone who she blocked during her controversial radio programme that outed Hogwarts's student werewolves. Veritas, who is notoriously litigious and who rocketed to stardom after her successful suit to end the minister's outreach programme to house elves, is not expected to win the suit. However, all of those individuals who were blocked during the broadcast have received notices to appear before the Wizengamot for their actions. We will continue to follow this story as it develops.
IK: This is Isla Kelly once again bringing you an exclusive update to the tragedy unfolding at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy. Our sources have reported at least two casualties on the grounds, one being an Auror whose name has yet to be released. We are unsure whether the other is a student or otherwise, but we can only hope that this number doesn't grow as this serious attack rages on.
...All we can say is: be strong, students, staff, and Aurors. We wish you our best as our hearts go out to Hogwarts.
Now Franklin Stone will bring your the weather.
The face of Gobstone leagues nationwide could be set to change with this latest alteration to the regulations to be considered. The Gobstones Anti-doping Authority (GADA) have today announced that they are considering mandating the size of a standard gobstone as 7” in diameter, rather than the current 5”. A representative stated that "it is more difficult to thieve victory with heavier stones". This has resulted in general outcry from the Alliance of Gobstoners, releasing a statement including “such drastic measures will alter the Gobstone League, nay, the very world in ways that common folk could not possibly imagine.” Other specialists argue we may shortly have a stone shortage on our hands that will affect muggles and wizards alike.
CG: This is Chad Goldleaf, reporting this morning from Liverpool, where officials have notified us that there have been multiple casualties as a result of a werewolf attack.
Full details on the victims have not yet been released, but we are receiving reports that their injuries are consistent with those given by a werewolf.
I’ve also received word that the Hogwarts Board of Governors is calling for increased security at Hogwarts as a result of the attack.
IK: This is Isla Kelly once again bringing you an update on the ongoing situation at Hogwarts. The Ministry is remaining tight-lipped on the extent of damage and injuries that have occurred, however our sources tell us Ministry officials have given their Aurors authorisation for emergency use of Unforgivables due to these dire circumstances. Whether they will prove necessary remains to be seen. We will keep working round the clock to give you all the information we can as this story continues to unfold.
AP: Good morning wolves! This is Ambrose Pemberton, your host for The Daily Bark.
As all of you know, I’ve been living with lyncanthropy since I was seven years old. I’ve been a publicly known werewolf since I graduated from Hogwarts. It was only then that I really was able to embrace my identity as a werewolf.
Today, I want to take some time to applaud a recent statement by the Lovegood-Scamanders. I have it here with me.
During this difficult time, we felt that it was appropriate to speak out against Newt Scamander’s legacy as creator of the werewolf registry. Newt was progressive for his time, but a registry was wrong then, and it is wrong now. Werewolves are part of our community, first and foremost. They are not beasts and should never be considered as such.
Those are powerful words. I wonder what the Minister would have to say about this.
In our next segment, we’ll be discussing solidarity with our part-vampire brothers and sisters.
As winter approaches, the well-known Whomping Willow in the Hogwarts grounds has been growing grumpy in its old age. Reports suggest that the Willow has been thwarting students from impossibly far away, particularly those seen to be fraternising. While some believe this is a PDA deterrent put in place by Headmistress Flamel, others are crying out for the removal of the elderly plant. Allegedly, this matter will be tabled at school council Monday week. Is this the last winter we’ll have to bear with the wretched Willow? Or will the tree-hugging students swoop in to save the day?
IK: Hello listeners, this is Isla Kelly. We interrupt this Quidditch match recap to bring you breaking news. The Ministry has just informed us that Aurors have been dispatched to Hogwarts to respond to a werewolf attack. Sources estimate that there are between eleven and fifteen werewolves on the ground. Students have apparently been injured, and some have apparently been bitten. We will continue to bring you coverage as we learn more.
In a special bulletin, WZRD Radio would like to remind listeners that authorities have been responding to reports of werewolf altercations near settlements outside major wizarding centres. The Ministry advises taking precautions as the full moon approaches and staying indoors on the night of the full moon wherever possible.
We take you now back to the news with Isla Kelly.
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Lana: Hey guys, it's Lana Lumos with your five-minute pop culture news. There's a new hottie taking the wizarding world by storm. If you don't know his name yet, you soon will. Yes, I'm talking about Orpheus Montgomery, the part-vampire singer also known as Midnight Prince. His single Glittering Darkness is on its way to number one! Personally, I love the guitar riff in the middle--Midnight Prince is always accompanied by Persephone Caldwell, also part-vampire, who in my humble opinion is a musical prodigy.
There have been reports of protests at his concerts. Apparently, there are some concerned parents who believe that their children have come under the spell of Midnight Prince's music. In this reporter's opinion, they're just too old to rock out anymore.
Clarice Merriden, lead guitarist for The Custard Tarts, has revealed details of a new side project called The Screaming Banshees. The Isle of Man native announced the news at her recent Diagon Alley signing and revealed that fans could expect an album in 2031.
Something - or someone - has fired up the ghosts in a stir. Strange murmurs fill the corridors as castle denizens gossip about what could have inspired such lively activity. A ghostly uprising is the most popular theory, though no one seems to be prepared for more than an unpleasant tingle.