LL: Lana Lumos here with your five-minute pop culture news. Today, I have a very important announcement to make. WWN is raffling off VIP tickets to meet the Midnight Prince backstage at his next concert in Hogsmeade! You’re not going to want to miss this, he’ll be debuting the songs from his new album A Time for Darkness, A Time for Light. The first three callers who call in will win the tickets!
OOC: This will work a bit like a raffle. You have 72 hours from the time of this post to comment with a number between 1-50 and a 50 word rp. The three people who have selected the closest numbers will meet the Midnight Prince in an rp. **Offer Only Valid For Third Years And Up**
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We've just gotten word that one of the kidnapped children is in fact Avery Potter, Harry Potter's granddaughter. We have no doubt that the Auror Office will be involved in settling this undoubtedly poorly planned abduction.
An insider at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry has noted that while preparations for the new school year have gone smoothly thus far despite recent and sudden changes to the staff, it seems a new flock of doxies have taken residence in the countless draperies around the castle. Staff of Hogwarts have been fighting the doxies off with Doxycide as per routine, however this seems to be a bigger job than they'd originally thought.
Doxies typically prefer cold climates and it has been unseasonably warm. Whether the pests were planted there as a revenge scheme from the rumored-to-be bitter former Headmistress Flamel is mere speculation, but it looks as though students may find themselves attacked by more than knowledge on September 1st. Get your knockback jinxes ready, kids!
IK: This is Isla Kelly reporting to you live from outside of our studio, where a few witches and wizards have gathered to express their concerns about the world as we know it. Can you tell me what it is you're trying to tell everyone?
Wizard: Yeah, hello, my name is Gunther and I'm here to tell you that THE END IS HERE!
IK: And by "The End" you mean what, exactly?
Gunther: The end of our world, lady! The wizarding world, it's done! We are all going down and it's time for those who want to live to RUN!
IK: Where should people go if they are also concerned about the world, sir?
Gunther: Well, I don't know... Wherever I'm not! I don't want anybody following me. First werewolves, then did you hear about the vampires?
IK: Yes, we did hear...
Gunther: Who knows what's next! All I know is Merlin's great nephew predicted this thousands of years ago, I hea--
IK: And, ma'am, are you also concerned about the end of the world?
Witch: Yes, o'course! I seen this man here with his sign and I was askin' him questions and you know my cousin Hilda says the same thing! These beasts and whatnot are killin' EVERYBODY. No one's safe, not even my grandad who's DEAD. One day I'm goin' to wake up and he'll be tryin' to suck my blood! I'll have to beat him with my--
IK: And what are your thoughts on these claims, sir?
Wizard: I dunno, I'm just here for th--
IK: As you can see, quite a crowd has gathered here in Diagon Alley with lots of concern for the future of the wizarding world. Fears are on the rise as tragic news continues to pour in from all around the country. Will the Ministry respond?
And now we'll continue our Power Hour featuring Panic! In the Dungeons!
IK: This is Isla Kelly. We’ve just received notice that Trudy Veritas, who was arrested by aurors during her infamous broadcast, has been released. Veritas faced a full wizengamot trial, but was not convicted due to her legal counsel’s arguments that Veritas had not actually procured the information she read on her show illegally.
When she was released, Veritas read this statement:
I am so thankful to the legal counsel that was provided by my friend Byron Handley-Mills. This day shall be remembered as one in which the Ministry tried to silence the truth. I look forward to resuming my show in any capacity I can, because it’s clear our community needs me now more than ever.
Shortly after the Daily Prophet's exclusive report on hotel mogul Alaric Montague's recent disappearance, information began flooding in regarding theories on his whereabouts and recent dealings. Some sources claimed to have spotted the wizard in areas as far away as Toronto, Ontario, Canada and Los Angeles, California, USA while one source mentioned a possible inferi outbreak in Turkey in which they'd seen his reanimated corpse.
The most plausible disclosure, however, came from a source close to Montague, who reported that the last person Montague had been in contact with was Arnaude Flamel, Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It is said that Montague, an esteemed member of Hogwarts' Board of Governors, and Headmistress Flamel were meeting to discuss the latest allegations against her disciplinary tactics. It was after such meeting that the disappearance was reported.
Whether the reports are true or not, the question remains: What happened to Alaric Montague, and will his family soon find the closure they deserve?
Japanese researcher Natsu Amori warned of global warming patterns affecting giant squid populations. The Japanese Ministry has formally reached out to urge the courtship between Hogwarts's Giant Squid and their national treasure, Ritsuko. Ritsuko is 56 years old and likes eating freshwater prawns.
The face of Gobstone leagues nationwide could be set to change with this latest alteration to the regulations to be considered. The Gobstones Anti-doping Authority (GADA) have today announced that they are considering mandating the size of a standard gobstone as 7” in diameter, rather than the current 5”. A representative stated that "it is more difficult to thieve victory with heavier stones". This has resulted in general outcry from the Alliance of Gobstoners, releasing a statement including “such drastic measures will alter the Gobstone League, nay, the very world in ways that common folk could not possibly imagine.” Other specialists argue we may shortly have a stone shortage on our hands that will affect muggles and wizards alike.
As winter approaches, the well-known Whomping Willow in the Hogwarts grounds has been growing grumpy in its old age. Reports suggest that the Willow has been thwarting students from impossibly far away, particularly those seen to be fraternising. While some believe this is a PDA deterrent put in place by Headmistress Flamel, others are crying out for the removal of the elderly plant. Allegedly, this matter will be tabled at school council Monday week. Is this the last winter we’ll have to bear with the wretched Willow? Or will the tree-hugging students swoop in to save the day?
Even first years know about vanishing steps, but things appear to have gotten out of hand between the hallowed halls of Hogwarts. Sources say entire staircases have been vanishing. Not simply moving or changing direction, totally vanished! There one moment, gone the next. All fun and games as an excuse to be late to class, until someone ends up in the Hospital Wing with a body of broken bones. We’ll keep you abreast of the situation as it develops…
Hey, hey, hey - welcome to the new Potterwatch.
This is Howler speaking. If you're listening to this, maybe you're looking to escape the latest tyranny at Hogwarts. Rumor has it that Lame Flame will be administering Veritaserum to all students caught defacing school property with lies. In the Great Hall.
If you want to guard your secrets, don't get caught, my friends. Howler out.
Affronted mum of student who flooded the fifth floor launches a campaign against the Weasleys' shop. Pamphlets rain down every morning in the Great Hall, lecturing on the liberal leniencies by the headmaster and violence against bums due to inadequate safety warning labels on WWW's fireworks.
A garden gnome pillaged all of the mittens from the Greenhouses last night. The suspect is described as ten-inches tall, middle-aged and wearing an oversized fedora. If seen, please report to Professor Nash. Falsely accusing any first years of the crime will result in a full investigation!
Something - or someone - has fired up the ghosts in a stir. Strange murmurs fill the corridors as castle denizens gossip about what could have inspired such lively activity. A ghostly uprising is the most popular theory, though no one seems to be prepared for more than an unpleasant tingle.
Students are encouraged to dress warmly even in costume, as temperatures hover around 5C/41F. Also: avoid the unused classroom, which temporarily has been taken over by spiderwebs due to some overzealous Halloween fans.
The Accidental Magical Reversal Squad were called to a flat in Birmingham on Tuesday after a young boy inadvertently prompted the cutlery to perform Mozart's Piano Concerto No. 23. 16 Muggles had their memories of the event wiped. The young wizard in question—a Mr. Andrew Vane—was enjoying his eighth birthday party at the time.
The Wizarding World is suffering its latest bought of the Accio Flu. Make sure to wash your hands after every meal and toss two pinches of newt's lung behind your back before leaving the house to avoid infection. When sneezing, the Accio Flu will summon and permanently attach any foreign objects to your person — and sometimes, foreign persons to your person, as well. Stay Healthy.
Clarice Merriden, lead guitarist for The Custard Tarts, has revealed details of a new side project called The Screaming Banshees. The Isle of Man native announced the news at her recent Diagon Alley signing and revealed that fans could expect an album in 2031.
Odessa Tutella has been dismissed as caretaker at the Knightly Home for Orphaned Boys after it was discovered her unauthorized portkey led to the short disappearance of a boy last spring. The former Hufflepuff has refused to grant us an interview and has retired to her sister’s house in Tottenham.
After a long, long summer, Hogwarts castle seems to be particularly lonely. Activity has been reported all over the castle, mostly of the moving staircase on the fifth floor that loves trapping first years.
Students are warned to not keep their owls in the West Tower until newbie caretaker? giant? hobo? (Professor) Urguy investigates the source of the owls' excessive.... you know.