16 January 2019
Many of us have been scarred over the horrible incident that occurred in Diagon Alley shortly before Christmas. The Alley has lost profit and families have been said to be keeping their young ones inside, for fear of a repeat performance. With five deaths hovering over the Ministry’s head and, more importantly, a kidnapping, our readers, along with myself, are left to wonder: what exactly is the Ministry doing to protect us?
Many of our readers remember a
5 January 2019
The New Year brings many things - not the least of which is resolutions. Some of us might make a vow to eat less chocolate frogs - deny the sweet burning which is firewhiskey. We might swear an oath to fly our broom more, instead of taking the easy route of floo powder. This year, the Ministry of Magic have been asked to make the bravest, hardest, most serious New Year’s resolution yet.
It was merely two days ago that greatly-respected Narcissa Malfoy, soci
18 December 2017
For years, now, Minister Abelard Clagge has been raking in reform after reform in hopes of bringing in a new age for the Wizard World as a whole, to commendable success. However, it seems that despite his great vision for improvement, there is one area of the Ministry he has been forced to leave unchanged.
The Auror Department, led by the (for all intents and purposes) politically immune Harry Potter, is in a state of disarray. Indeed, Potter has been rid
5 December 2017
A Hero, no doubt, but there are some in the Wizarding World beginning to believe that Harry Potter has lost his touch when it comes to protecting us from the evil-doers around us. Such worries were heightened when word of Kingsley’s Shacklebolt’s retirement reached the wizarding public.
“I think it’s horrible,” commented Earnest Feezilby, a resident of Godric’s Hollow. “All of these disappearances, all of these murders, and what does Potter do? Goes and le
16 December 2017
Though reports are still coming in and key Ministry officials remain unavailable for comment, it is now believed that the death count from the alleged Death Eater attacks on the Northern Facility for Maladies of the Mind can be definitively placed at five, with some further reports yet remaining to be verified. (See Maladies, Page 5). This is the ninth such attack in the space of a year. While many of the attacks, like the one at the Northern Facility, have focused o
30 November 2016
The Minister of Magic’s office announced today that Kingsley Shacklebolt, former Minister of Magic and a hero of the Battle of Hogwarts, has retired after a long and illustrious career. The exact details of the retirement were not disclosed, with the Minister’s Assistant saying little other than the legendary career had come to an end, concluded with the following statement. “It is after years and years of dedicated service that the ministry final says farewell to on
28 November 2016
At the Germany vs Austria Quidditch World Cup Final, Aurors captured a Death Eater, who we can now reveal to be Amadeus Couriel. The Auror Division received an anonymous tip-off on Mr Couriel, a Ministry worker, which led to suspicions that he was involved in Death Eater activity. An entire gathering of Death Eaters was uncovered at the game as a highly trained Auror team apprehended Mr Couriel without disruption to the spectators.
The Death Eaters were d
16 June 2016
Residents of Sandwich have found themselves in a state of shock at the discovery of Henry Wallace’s corpse just miles away from his place of residence last evening. The man was reported missing days earlier after one of his neighbors complained about his crup barking incessantly. Wallace, a potions master and collector of rare and exotic formulas, was considered by the Romanian potions community to be one of the better people in the profession. Henry was allegedly visit
9 June 2016
[A small snippet in the “Across the UK” section]
A Mr. Henry Wallace was reported missing late last night after his neighbor, Quidditch enthusiast Frett Barve, called the authorities to deal with Mr. Wallace’s pet crup. To the Ministry Official’s dismay, Mr. Wallace was not present. The media was told that there was “nothing to worry about,” as Mr. Wallace, age 59, “We have no reason to suspect foul play, but we do have reason to believe he was off visiting hi
5 March 2016
My first impression upon attending the Annual International Wizarding Gardening Competition, held this year in New Zealand, was that it would be a waste of my lovely Saturday. I never knew that I would walk away with a new respect for the gardeners; my hands are black and blue, and their manicured hands look just as good as their manicured lawns.
I’m jealous. I don’t have a green thumb, it seems.
Gardening is something that I would never have thou
28 December 2014
As we all know, the School of Hogwarts has long been burdened with the necessity to, frankly, pay for everything done. This was somewhat alleviated by the generous donations of Lucius Malfoy, philanthropist and a former governor of the school. However, since this wonderful man has been labeled as missing, so has much of the financial support of the school. This has led to such events as the disbanding of clubs as well as several delays in the reconstruction of the
29 December 2014
Yes, I admit it. Quidditch rules my life. My boyfriend loves me for it, my best friend hates me for it, and my parents wish they had never bought me that old, trusty Eagle Pro. I’ve been to more games than I can count, thrown things at officiators who make horrible calls, and booed plenty of teams. To me, Quidditch is oxygen.
So, you can imagine my aggravation when I returned to my alma mater, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, to witness yet another d
22 October 2014
Last Tuesday a terrible breach in security occurred in the Dark Creatures Observation Facility when two children-eating trolls escaped from their enclosures, demonstrating a high risk for the staff, which has since been under heavy assault from the unleashed dark creatures, battling to obtain control over the havoc they have created.
This happened only a day after a third year class of Hogwarts was taken to a visit there as part of a practical lesson on Ba
22 October 2014
A few days ago an article by the name of Missing Historian Found made headlines on The Daily Prophet covering the death of famed historian Tobias Bradshaw. Now, while the cause of death is of known nature it doesn’t fail to surprise our reader the whereabouts of Mr. Bradshaw on his death night. Karn Alley, the equivalent if not the complete over the top competitor to Knockturn Alley, has been the source of much news in the past, thus making it the perfect location for
1 October 2014
I have hated the Chudley Cannons for some time now. Ever since I could remember, actually. I was reminded of this hatred a few days ago when I “attended” the “semi-finals” of a district Quidditch Cup. It was a joke. The Cannons should have tried to play without a broomstick.
The results would've been the same.
As a devout Quidditch fan, and a good player (if I do say so myself), it is brutally embarrassing to watch a game, any game, involving the C
19 September 2014
The Romanian Littles won in a stunning feat against the new England Rumblers in the annual International Gobstones Tournament. The Rumblers, having sustained an unwavering winning season for their first season ever (including a grand total of zero losses) turned for the worse in the final of the Tournament. The Littles left the tournament in tears of joy, clinging to the trophy for dear life.
The Daily Prophet would like to congratulate the Rumblers on a
21 September 2014
As some of you have undoubtedly heard, the ball in commemoration of the Battle of Hogwarts was turned into a disaster zone in what could most adequately explained as “preposterous.” The ball, fitting the day of commemoration dutifully, did appear to be a battle zone shortly after the dear Professor Neville Longbottom gave a short and riveting speech with the help of a rather aloof Luna Lovegood, in what leaves the few meager investigators baffled.
23 September 2014
In a shocking turn of events, missing Historian Tobias Bradshaw has been found – or most of him, anyway.
At 4am this morning, whilst most of us were at home asleep, safely tucked away in our beds dreaming, the infamous Karn Alley was awash with scandal; even more so than usual. For the first time since The Agreement, well over fifty years ago, Aurors apparated into the degraded, carnal streets of East London’s most famed quarter. The Wizarding World knew
10 September 2014
Recently, word has reached me that there is an award for whoever finds the stolen texts from the James Institute, broken into little over six months ago. Call me pessimistic, but since when has a reward ever stirred the people of Britain into action? For that matter, when have the people of Britain ever been able to find a supposed ‘wrong-doer’? For years Albus Dumbledore allowed Severus Snape to teach at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, all the while kno
2 September 2014
A group of French scientists were apprehended Friday for their possible involvement in the death of Tavis Wigglesworth, former Hogwarts Headmaster. The outlandish group had dropped a knut from the Eiffel Tower to see if it would fall fast enough to sufficiently kill a human being. Wigglesworth was, at the time, visiting Paris and, specifically, the Eiffel Tower.
More need not be said.
The beloved headmaster was buried late Saturday afternoon i
2 May 2014
Hogwarts has most recently become a haven to anarchy and chaos, as close to our students as its very own Great Hall! Do not fret, however, this time Hogwarts is a victim of a much less expected attack: the dead.
“I organized the strike to draw attention to the gross disrespect that is being shown toward ghosts and other magical creatures,” said a Sir Nicholas, permanent resident of Hogwarts, and ghost of Gryffindor Tower. “Its time for everybody to realize we h
31 April 2014
In an effort to reinforce foreign relations in Germany in light of the recent horrendous events at Hogwarts, our very own, very dear old Minister of Magic, Abelard Clagge, discussed the growing concern with vigilante Dark Wizards and even Death Eaters in Europe. Of course, Daily Prophet was on the scene upon his return to find out the truth. The two allied Ministries have, a spokesperson revealed, agreed to crackdown on illegal and explicit paraphernalia trafficking bot
14 April 2014
The world went into shock last Wednesday, as it was announced that Marcus Endicus, respected researcher for the Ministry of Magic, perished under suspicious circumstances.
In the past four years, there have been at least fifteen on the job deaths, informs the charming Phineas Paterson, colleague and friend of Endicus. Endicus was just one among many, but obviously enormously devastating to Paterson whose face is tortured.
Although we are informed Endicus
14 April 2014
Professor Connie Fairchild, of Hog-warts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, has been placed under inquiry by the Ministry of Magic, for her recklessness in taking an entire class of students into the Forbidden Forest.
Albert Ogden, representative of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, says the Ministry has been concerned for some time about Fairchild’s classes, some of which contain extremely dangerous creatures.
“Sometimes she’s a bit flighty and
14 April 2014
Friday night while most of us slept in our beds, the students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry were herded into the Great Hall like cattle, thrust sleeping bags, and told to sleep on the ground. This was the result of yet another Death Eater attack, claimed to be the eleventh in as many years.
“I’m sure someone could start up another wizarding school in the UK to great success,” says Milton Eadie, a most intelligent young boy from Ravenclaw. “Gi