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The Daily Prophet

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Wizarding Britain's number one source for news and information since 1743.

Entries in this blog

 

Zeroes, Not Heroes

The stage has been set: the Triwizard champions will soon face their first task against the backdrop of the unforgiving tundra. In a break from the tradition of past competitions, the champions will enter their task without a single clue, and blind to the challenges that await them. Without guidance, the champions must rely on themselves, armed only with their wands and their wits. Skill, tenacity, and perseverance will separate the true champions from the rest. Our first impressions of the c

Daily Prophet

Daily Prophet

 

Yule Ball Outtakes

We all have embarrassing moments, even the Champions at the Yule Ball. Our awkward competitors didn’t ruin the night. However, there were some not so perfect moments at the dance. Irwin Cablamb is here to share all the goofs and blunders of the night! The blunders are rated from one * meaning blush-inducing, to ***** meaning totally awkward! **Reports indicate that Beauxbatons champion Kasper Kats was easily impressed by the chairs. All the effort put into decoration could have been saved if

Daily Prophet

Daily Prophet

 

Yule Ball 101 (Part Two)

What champions have already been lucky enough to score a date to the exclusive Yule Ball? We have all the answers right here, exclusively given to Witch Weekly by an anonymous source stationed at frosty Durmstrang. It is a surprise for us to see that Beauxbatons champion Eglantine Coture agreed to go to the ball with the infamous Gryffindor bully Herbert Longbottom! While Herbert does have redeemable qualities in his facial appearance, he is quite husky and bulky for the delicate champion. We

Daily Prophet

Daily Prophet

 

Yule Ball 101 (Part One)

This is it! Christmas is just around the corner and with the TriWizard Tournament going on, we all know what that means! That’s right- the Yule Ball! Who’s going with who? What drama is likely to unfold? With just five male champions, and seven female champions, there’s sure to be some catfights over claiming the guys. Let’s not forget the delegates, which make the numbers eight males and twelve females. More to come in the next issue while we cover the latest trends, fashions and what the myste

Daily Prophet

Daily Prophet

 

Your Guide to the Stars

PHOENIX 23 Dec - 9 Jan Do not let yourself be overwhelmed by stress, there is still time to achieve what you set out to do. Take advantage of your innate stubbornness and you will see it through. Similar to the Augurey, while distractions are needed as well be chary of which ones are worthy of your devotion. YETI 10 Jan – 18 Mar* It has never been a better time to leash your tongue than today, or else you may just blow down the house of cards you have so determinately constructed. It will

Daily Prophet

Daily Prophet

 

Why I Hate the Chudley Cannons

1 October 2014   I have hated the Chudley Cannons for some time now.  Ever since I could remember, actually.  I was reminded of this hatred a few days ago when I “attended” the “semi-finals” of a district Quidditch Cup.  It was a joke.  The Cannons should have tried to play without a broomstick. The results would've been the same.   As a devout Quidditch fan, and a good player (if I do say so myself), it is brutally embarrassing to watch a game, any game, involving the C

Daily Prophet

Daily Prophet

 

Why Flying and Potion Brewing Don't Mix

17 May 2019   Flying broom fanatics went into mourning last night as the tragic death of Filberius Flyte was announced. One half of the famous inventing duo ‘Flyte and Barker’, Filberius was in the process of flight-testing his yet-to-be-released ‘Twigger Vista’ when an object, later identified to be a cauldron, fell upon his head from the air.   “It’s those bloody blackmarketeers,” says his wife, spunky Delores Flyte (herself a ‘dabbler’ in broom invention and creator of the

Daily Prophet

Daily Prophet

 

Werewolves Responsible for Liverpool Attack Admit It Was Intentional

LIVERPOOL--The wizarding community in Liverpool was rocked by tragedy the night of February 5, when transformed werewolves attacked a party that was taking place in a local park that’s frequented by wizard families. Reports have emerged in the last few days of numerous casualties both at the party, and of muggle bystanders in the surrounding area.   Last night, The Daily Prophet was informed that the Werewolf Capture Unit was able to track down and capture the werewolves who were respo

Daily Prophet

Daily Prophet

 

Werewolves Missing!

Taith Coch Reserve is denying a report that two werewolves identified as living at the sanctuary are missing. Representatives from the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures have gone on the record as claiming that two werewolves: "Rose" and "Danielle" cannot be located on their registration rolls (Please note that The Daily Prophet did not get permission to publish their real names).    "This is exactly what we were warning the community about," the Jacobins sa

Daily Prophet

Daily Prophet

 

Weasley's Watery Wishes

28 December 2014   As we all know, the School of Hogwarts has long been burdened with the necessity to, frankly, pay for everything done.  This was somewhat alleviated by the generous donations of Lucius Malfoy, philanthropist and a former governor of the school.  However, since this wonderful man has been labeled as missing, so has much of the financial support of the school.  This has led to such events as the disbanding of clubs as well as several delays in the reconstruction of the

Daily Prophet

Daily Prophet

 

Vigilantes Endanger Lives of Innocents

5 January 2019   The New Year brings many things - not the least of which is resolutions. Some of us might make a vow to eat less chocolate frogs - deny the sweet burning which is firewhiskey. We might swear an oath to fly our broom more, instead of taking the easy route of floo powder. This year, the Ministry of Magic have been asked to make the bravest, hardest, most serious New Year’s resolution yet.   It was merely two days ago that greatly-respected Narcissa Malfoy, soci

Daily Prophet

Daily Prophet

 

Veela Group Boycotts Siren’s Kiss Perfume!

The veela rights group, Veelas Against Objectification (VAO) issued a statement today encouraging consumers to boycott the perfume brand Siren’s Kiss.   Amaryliss Bliss, President and CEO of VAO, had this to say when contacted by The Daily Prophet, “Siren’s Kiss Perfume still says on its packaging that it contains veela extract, which is widely understood to be veela hair. The fact that a mainstream brand would claim to contain veela hair, is dehumanizing to those individuals who have

Daily Prophet

Daily Prophet

 

Vampire Attack in Wales!

GWAED, WALES--Tragedy has rocked the small wizarding village of Gwaed, Wales. The Rees family, one of the founding families of the village, were discovered murdered in their ancestral home. While The Daily Prophet has not received permission to publish the extent of their injuries, we were able to confirm that the Rees family all suffered extensive vampire bites.    The Rees family has employed part-vampires for over a century as servants in their manor that overlooks Gwaed. Reports di

Daily Prophet

Daily Prophet

 

Unicorn Born, Joins Puppy Siblings for First Steps

Staff at the Berkshire Magical Wildlife Sanctuary are pleased to announce their newest arrival, born just moments after sunrise on New Year's Day. Winky, the eldest and certainly proudest female unicorn on the grounds, has given birth to a gorgeous silver-haired foal weighing in at a whopping 116 kg. The foal's name was chosen through a public poll released last May, granting this unicorn baby the name of Starfire Glitterbelly (with Unicorn McUnicornface coming in close second and Dude-icorn tak

Daily Prophet

Daily Prophet

 

Tutshill Tornadoes Sign Castelobruxo Graduate Luiz Antunes!

Witches, are you ready for this?   The Tutshill Tornados have FINALLY announced their newest signing: Castelobruxo graduate Luiz Antunes!   Luiz is eighteen, a gemini and his favourite city in the world is Paris.    A chaser with a charming smile and gorgeous hair, we can see Luiz scoring hearts as well as goals whilst he's in the UK. As we've reported before, Luiz has dated many different girls whilst at Castelobruxo but none have ever seemed to gain the enviable t

Daily Prophet

Daily Prophet

 

Trolls Escape from DCO Facility!

22 October 2014   Last Tuesday a terrible breach in security occurred in the Dark Creatures Observation Facility when two children-eating trolls escaped from their enclosures, demonstrating a high risk for the staff, which has since been under heavy assault from the unleashed dark creatures, battling to obtain control over the havoc they have created.   This happened only a day after a third year class of Hogwarts was taken to a visit there as part of a practical lesson on Ba

Daily Prophet

Daily Prophet

 

Triwizard, Tri-Where?

As details of the full extent of the damages to Beauxbatons by last night’s fire become available, witches and wizards across the continent and here in the UK wonder: what does this mean for us? Beauxbatons Academy of Magic was set to host the Triwizard Tournament this year, where students from the three prominent magical schools engage in friendly competition and international networking.   However, with the French arena charred beyond recognition, will the tradition continue? Rumors

Daily Prophet

Daily Prophet

 

Triwizard Deathtrap Conspiracy!

The controversy surrounding the nature of this year’s Triwizard Tournament has reached a fever pitch with its nail-biting conclusion. Listening in to live commentary straight from Durmstrang, fans across Europe sat on the edges of their seat in anticipation, oblivious to the reality of the Labyrinth of Doom. The bait was set: the Triwizard Cup, luring the twelve into the heart of the ultimate trap. What should have been a race for glory was revealed as a ploy meant to lead the twelve champion

Daily Prophet

Daily Prophet

 

Tragedy at the Hands of Healers

Less than twenty-four hours ago, tragedy struck Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizadry. An anonymous source has revealed that last night, very suddenly, a student at the once prestigious school passed away. A child. A sweet, innocent thing who didn’t even make it to their Ordinary Wizarding Level Examinations inhaled their last, shuddering breath behind walls that are supposed to be a sanctuary, and why? Because of the incompetent fools who have been allowed to let their tyranny suffocate

Daily Prophet

Daily Prophet

 

Tournament of International Love

Lovely, loyal readers, we have failed you. Yes, we have brought you news of failure and triumph. Yes, we have brought you news of Miss Prosser’s downward spiral into death, also known as the pit of a nundu’s stomach. But we have not given you news of how these champions live, the tumultuous youth to whom you have given your pride in hopes they will bring back victory. Fear not, I – Chara Abrams, guest writer - bring you the freshest news from the sharpest talons today into the lives of two: W

Daily Prophet

Daily Prophet

 

The Truth About Herbert Longbottom

Following the interesting discovery that savage bully Herbert Longbottom and Hogwarts delegate Apple Capalet used to date, WW99 FM hosted a talk with the Hufflepuff student to reveal the truth about the son of legendary war hero Neville Longbottom. For those who missed it, an excerpt of the interview with the clearly traumatised delegate can be found below. —— Interviewer: So, Apple, can you tell us exactly what was going through your mind when Herbert first asked you to be his girlfriend?

Daily Prophet

Daily Prophet

 

The Triwizard Tournament Returns!

1 September 2019   Ten years indeed! And as a Hogwarts Alumna, this news is truly heartwarming to hear! Pardon me, for I cannot contain my excitement at the news that the Ministry and the three most prestigious schools of Europe are once again constructing the Triwizard Tournament.   I remember the last time, all those years ago, when our foreign companions not only provided the school with their presence, but forged many lasting friendships with me and others.   In my

Daily Prophet

Daily Prophet

 

The Price of High Fashion

In the midst of latest fall issue of Diagon’s Bazaar, the debut of various collections and the sudden surge in controversial trends have caused an uproar in the socially-conscious wizarding population. Various organizations such as Wizards for Beast Rights have banded together to not only boycott any and all sales of the offending products, but to also hurl accusations left and right. Coupled with bamboozling numbers and suspect facts, their loud complaints have been a source for bad publicity f

Daily Prophet

Daily Prophet

 

The Hunt for Rogue Santa

LONDON - Recent reports about a real life Santa have been crossing the desks of Accidental Magic Reversal Squad agents for the past week, with no sign of stopping anytime soon. The first came several weeks ago, when an impersonator at Harrod’s managed to shoot a silent Instant Scalping Hex at the mother of a five-year-old muggle, who was heard muttering to the wizard in disguise that all he wanted was for his “Mummy to quit spending so much time on her hair in the mornings and make [him] a pr

Daily Prophet

Daily Prophet

 

The Giant Question

Now that our twelve Tri-Wizard Champions have been chosen, the tournament itself is the new hot topic. As we count down the days until our Hogwarts Heroes have to face their potential demises, your restless Daily Prophet Reporter spends her time investigating the nature of the upcoming tasks. Upon approaching those responsible for planning and organizing the tournament tasks with a radiant smile and a quick-notes quill hovering over our heads, your favorite reporter receives few answers, the

Daily Prophet

Daily Prophet

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