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Seeley Pichardo

Rip it off, just like a bandaid

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Seeley Pichardo

June 2039 

 

"I broke up with Selena." 

 

Seeley never would have guessed that five words could have made her feel so guilty and so happy at the same time but when Desmond finally managed to get a full and clear sentence out of his mouth in the dueling chamber so that she could understand him she had felt both of those things and the result had left one very poignant thought in her brain on top of everything else. 

 

She needed to talk to her friend.  

 

If they were even friends anymore.  With everything that had happened over the course of the year, the ups and downs were like the wildest roller coaster she had ever experienced and she didn't ever get the fun stomach drops to go with it.  (The sick stomach feeling though she did get to experience, several times in fact.)  The result of it all had left all of her friendships in very confusing places and she wouldn't blame Selena if the girl was angry with her.  She had to find out though before they all went home for the summer and she was left just wondering and that sort of thing couldn't be done in a letter.  She was brave enough to do it face to face - at least she hoped she was but she never had been very good at this whole feelings thing.  

 

Slipping a note with a short message and a meeting time in front of the ravenclaw as she passed by her desk in transfiguration she hoped it wouldn't be ignored and after popping into the kitchen to grab a sandwich the hufflepuff only managed to force down half of it on her walk to the lakeside before she tossed the rest into the water and took a seat on the grass to wait.    

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Selena Watkins

Of course after everything was basically over and done with Seeley wanted to talk. Selena rolled her eyes reading the message, contemplating not going to see her friend...if they even were still friends. Could you really call someone a friend after being avoided all term long? Selena had needed to talk to her since Christmas and now, NOW, after Desmond had already broken up with her, after Wyatt had blown up in front of everyone, after she had a break down in the dueling chamber, Seeley wanted to talk. She was bitter, angry, disappointed...and well a mixture of other things she wasn't ready to name. With a long sigh, Selena crumpled up the note and tossed it away as she left the classroom. She couldn't just ignore the hufflepuff as she had been ignored. it wasn't in her nature. It wasn't as if she wanted to talk about her feelings but she needed to get an understanding as to what was going on. 

 

Selena took her time getting down to the shoreside. She walked slowly in a wavy path along the grass. It was hard to be in a hurry when your chest hurt with pain you didn't understand. It only seemed to get worse the closer she got to the upcoming conversation and it was joined by an awful feeling in her stomach. Though the latter might have just been the lack of lunch. Finally spotting Seeley, she made her way over to the girl and sat beside her. She wasn't sure where to start. "You're not going to just run away again are you?" Selena asked. That seemed to happen every time they were going to have any sort of conversation this year.

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Seeley Pichardo

The longer she waited the more Seeley started to fear that Selena wasn't going to come.  She wouldn't blame her if she didn't, she hadn't been the best of friends this term and this whole break up business was just the icing on the cake.  Sitting on the lawn, the blonde reached for a stone and flung it into the lake with a sigh and was just about to stand up again when she finally felt a presence behind her.   

 

Glancing over her shoulder she saw the ravenclaw approach and find a spot to sit by her side and the hufflepuff felt the knot in her stomach twist tighter.  This was it and it seemed Selena knew it too.   

 

"No." Seeley answered with a sigh.  "I'm done running away and I..." she paused, turning to look Selena in the eye as she said it because for what it was worth she really did mean it.  "I'm sorry."  

 

Sorry for not being honest with her from the beginning, sorry for running from any and all attempts to talk this out before now and most of all sorry for all of the events that had happened in the last couple of weeks that had resulted in break ups and tears and kisses that... well that she wasn't going to regret anything about except for maybe the timing.   

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Selena Watkins

It constantly felt as if tears might spill over at any moment. Selena's chest and stomach constantly hurt yet she couldn't bring herself to go to the hospital wing. She doubted that healers could help her anyways. She brought her knees up to her chest and squeezed her arms around them. It was silent for a long time as she tried to decide how to reply to Seeley. She watched the waves of the lake as she organized her thoughts. "I really needed you, you know." She said finally, not taking her eyes off of the body of water in front of them. Her arms squeezed tighter until she felt another mild discomfort in her stomach. She forced herself to try and relax. It wasn't really working. "I sent you letters over the break, you ignored me for months, and you and Desmond dragged me into the middle of...whatever it is you two are doing." 

 

Selena turned to look at Seeley. Her eyes were hard as if the storm behind the colour were a shadow of her temperament. "Do you even understand how hurt I was...am? It's not like I could have just talked about this with anyone. When I told Fern that Desmond asked me out she was just as confused as I was you know. I spent all those months trying to be nice to him and trying to figure out what was going on only to find out I was just being used as a replacement and you think that just saying sorry is okay?"

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Seeley Pichardo

To say that Seeley was bad at dealing with her own emotions would be an understatement.  She preferred to pretend they didn't exist until they bubbled their way out of her like a volcano or a mento dropped in a soda bottle.  As for dealing with someone else's emotions - well it was enough to try and rearrange all the mismatched puzzle pieces that were suppose to spell how how Des felt about her in a way that made sense that she hadn't even had the chance to figure out the third person in all of this until it was far too late.  

 

She'd been so buried deep in her own cocoon of misery and confusion that she hadn't understood the consequences facing her now for everything she had - or rather, hadn't done and said.  

 

She had wanted to be strong and calm and controlled.  Above all else, mastering her own feelings was always her goal but the second she noticed and was able to recognize the hurt on her friends face, Seeley felt a feeling not entirely unlike panic rise up in the pit of her stomach.  She turned her face to look at Selena and it didn't escape her that the ravenclaw wasn't looking at her at all as she spoke.  She wanted to inturrupt and defend herself because her gut reaction was always to defend herself no matter what.  Walls kept her safe, at least they were supposed to, especially from these types of things.  

 

But clearly, no matter how hard she'd been trying her approach had been failing and she had been dragging herself, and Desmond and Wyatt and even Selena down too.  As much as Wyatt wanted to blame Desmond for everything that had happened, the longer the ravenclaw kept talking the quicker and harder the conclusion became clearer and the realization hit Seeley almost has hard as if Selena had reached over and slapped her herself.  

 

Seeley's own stubborness was to blame for the lot of it.  Desmond's only crime was confusion and who could blame him? 

 

A hard, weighted breath escaped the third year a few seconds after Selena finally stopped speaking and though she had looked away and down at the grass to avoid the eyes she felt on her, the blond knew that she couldn't wait too long to speak.  

 

"It's not..." She sniffled and picked at a blade of grass and noticed how chipped the purple polish on her fingernails was.  "I don't know what to say.  Except that i didn't mean for any of this and... somehow I think, no... i know it's all my fault but once I saw you and Desmond together I just... that hurt." She sighed. 

 

"It hurt that he asked you in the first place and it hurt that you said yes and I didn't know that it wasn't... that he wasn't... I didn't know that he still liked me, I thought it all was real." 

 

Edited by Seeley Pichardo

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Selena Watkins

Even as she talked Selena could see how much her words were hurting Seeley. If she was more caring at the moment she would have tried to word everything better but she was just too upset. She thought she was handling everything pretty well since she hadn't gone into this yelling and screaming. She had done enough of that already. Too bad Selena had done all her yelling and screaming and crying towards @Fletcher Barrow and @Fern Blackburn who really had nothing to do with the problems that transpired whatsoever. 

 

She took a few deep breathes as Seeley just sniffled and tried to find her words. This shouldn't have been so hard. Selena found herself growing annoyed again, almost snapping at the girl before she finally spoke. She took more deep breathes trying to calm her anger. Of course she didn't know. She didn't bother to try and listen. "Did you know I locked myself in Desmond's bathroom for an hour? All I could do was think about how he suddenly said I was cute and how he had obviously still liked you back when we were playing spin the bottle like a month before that. I thought about what I needed to say to you in my letter until the moment I sat down to write. I don't even remember what happened when I got out of the loo."

 

Selena paused, picking up a twig that was beside her and threw it towards the lake. It didn't travel very far. "I never actually said yes until that qudditch game. The one where he asked me to at least come and watch him play and you were already ignoring me and Fern was there and I was so flabbergasted and saying yes felt like saying yes was my only option at that point because I didn't know what else to do. I needed you to talk to me but you just decided to pretend nothing was wrong whatsoever and even know this whole 'not knowing what to say' thing is still like you're just running away while you're sitting here."

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Seeley Pichardo

Supposedly, honesty was the best policy. 

 

That was what they said.  Whoever they were.  But, Seeley had always found that it was a hell of a lot easier for her to search and discover the truths that everyone else was trying to hide then it ever was for her to be completely honest with anyone herself.  But her screaming match of revelation with Desmond in the rain that had exploded this powderkeg was clearly just the beginning and for someone who was so good at finding clues and decoding cryptic messages it wasn't that hard for the teenager to determine that if she wanted to heal this before it got any worse she was going to have to keep going.  

 

"I had told him we should just be friends." She admitted softly.  "I didn't mean it, but it just seemed like we were just arguing and that's not what you're supposed to do when you like someone, right?  So I just thought that was the best thing to do, but I didn't think he would turn around and ask someone else out." Once she started talking it suddenly because hard to stop.  

 

"Especially not you." Her arms involuntarily flailed in exasperation and frustration.  "I should have answered your letter but I was..." She stopped and swallowed hard because the truth of it was hard to admit, hardest of all to admit to herself.  "Scared to say anything at all because I didn't think I had the right to.  It wasn't that nothing was wrong.  Everything was." 

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Selena Watkins

Even as Seeley tried to explain herself, Selena's anger kept bubbling and boiling up into her throat. She just wanted to outright scream. It was like the moment back in the dueling chamber all over again, except this time her anger would be well directed. It was true she would need to still confront Desmond again but, taking a page from Seeley's book, she wouldn't be talking to him about this any time soon. It would be a wonder if she decided to talk to him at all until the new year. She knew she couldn't stay angry at him forever. He hadn't been awful intentionally, he was just an idiot who didn't think his decisions through properly. The fact that Seeley liked him still baffled her. Though hearing her friend's explanation wasn't making it any clearer. 

 

"What in merlin's name do you mean by everything being wrong?" Selena snapped. "You make it sound as if Desmond is the only thing that matters and you seemed pretty okay to me when you were with Rowan and Fletcher and Wyatt...which reminds me. You never even finished explaining why Wyatt was so upset! You ran away from me then too." She picked up more rocks and twigs and began throwing them towards the lake, trying to calm herself down again with harsh movements. She began again, "You always have the right to speak your mind Seeley, especially when I'm asking for it. Keeping quiet and running away was probably the stupidest thing you could have done."

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Seeley Pichardo

"I'm not making sense." She sighed and rubbed her hands over her face.  Maybe because it didn't make all that much sense to her now, looking back on it.  She should have just told Lena and maybe it would have fixed everything from the start.   

 

"I thought you knew how I felt about Des so, when you said yes I thought maybe you might have liked him too." She admitted.  "It sounds dumb now, because you always said you didn't but, I was jealous I guess and stupid."  It hurt her to say that, because she never thought herself to be stupid at all but Desmond was making her do some pretty dumb things.  "I was getting teased by Damien on the quidditch team too and..." She sniffled and picked at some of the grass on the ground.  "I felt alone too." She admitted.   "I didn't really talk to Rowan about any of it, maybe Fletcher just a touch but he took off and picked a fight with Des so that didn't..." She rolled her eyes.   

 

"And then Wyatt..." She groaned.  "I didn't even know Wyatt had liked you until after he and Des had that fight in class."  She was very urgent here with her words because that had come as a surprise to even her.   She had been embarrassed when he'd found her crying and never realized his anger had been partially from his own wounds.   "I really was still confused then and just didn't want to talk about you and Des dating." 

 

She was quiet for a few moments again before she looked over at Selena hopefully,  "Des isn't the only one who matters.  Are we... gonna be okay?" 

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Selena Watkins

Listening to Seeley give excuse after excuse was making Selena uncomfortable. She knew it was to help explain away her behavior but it was still too much all at once. Of course she wanted to hear about Seeley's feeling but this was a bit past that now. She began to tune out some of her friend's words knowing that at the end of the day she'd end up forgiving her anyways. It would just take some time. A few of the words Seeley said repeated in her mind before they fully registered.

 

"Yeah..yeah we'll be okay. Merlin Seeley, can you back up a second. Did you just say that Wyatt liked me?" Selena asked, her brow furrowing together. Her first thought was just simply 'But why?' followed by a 'How did Seeley even find out?'  followed once more by another 'why?' The idea of Wyatt liking her was puzzling to say the least. Something she could focus on moreso than her friend trying to repair the damage that tore them apart. She stood up suddenly, "Let's go back inside. Maybe get hot chocolate in the kitchens or something." She said already walking away hoping that Seeley would follow her. She didn't need all this extra confusion right now.

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