Miss Lunes

Official Hospital Wing Physicals: Quidditch Edition

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While the Tournament had kept her busy and on her toes during her first year back at Hogwarts, the dawn of a new year and a new term brought a sense of trepidation in the Resident Healer. There was one reason alone for this innate concern.

 

Quidditch was back on the schedule this year.

 

Treating the concussions, creature bites, and the aftermath of exposure to the elements had been a challenge- there was no doubt about it- but at least the tournament events had been few and far between. Now it seemed to Greta that something horrific related to Quidditch was happening continuously around the clock, like some sort of deranged bludgering marathon. Perhaps it was the individual team captains working their players to the bone in an attempt to make up for any lost time practicing from the year before, or perhaps it was simply her imagination and innate dislike for the violent sport. Either way, Greta was not going to take any chances.

 

The first official match between House teams was due to begin in just a few days. The former Hufflepuff rounded up a few assistants, including Tobias, and marched them towards the Quidditch Pitch with supplies in hand. A letter had been sent to every set of House captains via owl requesting their cooperation with this endeavor, but it may not have been enough. Threats were not really her strong suit, so it’s not like her note marked any sort of punishment for not cooperating other than her distinct disappointment.

 

“Good afternoon everyone,” she greeted with a smile that was still bright, yet tense. “I know you are all very excited for the new season of Quidditch to begin, but before you will be allowed to compete officially, you must be cleared to do so health-wise. Quidditch is a very dangerous sport, and I also want you to know that if you choose to compete with a helmet or extra pads or choose not to compete at all, you are not a loser.” Her voice began to raise in pitch. “You are just being careful and mindful of your health as a recent study was revealed that 59% of individuals that suffer semi-frequent to frequent bludger-related injuries during a contact broom sport like Quidditch begin to show major physical health regression as young as the age of forty.” Greta paused and took a deep breath before her matronly shrillness reached peak levels. “It’s just really important to be careful of your health and your future, okay? Please line up for your examination. Mr Winchester, can you begin marking down names?”


Edited by Miss Lunes

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Toby had been a hospital wing assistant for six weeks at this point, and was yet to actually do any work.

 

He spent most of his time instead looking through Miss Lunes's stash of medical textbooks, playing around with all of the spells that were way above his level in terms of difficulty and which they were never allowed to learn at Hogwarts. It was great. There was also a never-ending stash of chocolate and peace and quiet late at night; when Toby wasn't on Prefect patrols he was in the wing, sat in a visitor's chair with his feet propped up on one of the beds, flicking through a book on medical spells. 

 

He was startled then when, a week before the first quidditch matches of the season, Miss Lunes asked him for some help with something. 

 

Which was how he found himself stood on the Quidditch Pitch one freezing October morning, holding a list of the names of every quidditch player signed on to each of the four house teams (information he had dutifully shared with his captains @Morty Gabor and @Vladimir Valentin because Toby had no morals and was totally opportunistic and, of course, Ravenclaw needed any help they could get). He flicked through the list of names absently as Miss Lunes explained about the mandatory health examinations they were all to take this year, and casually lifted the sheet high enough to hide his grin when she said, 'you are not a loser.'

 

Toby knew exactly which players he would be recommending to wear extra, humiliating, padding. 

 

"Mr Winchester, can you begin marking down names?”

 

"Sure thing, boss." Toby had started calling Miss Lunes boss as soon as he'd been hired. She didn't like it, but she was also far too nice to tell him off for it. Dropping the sheets back down onto his clipboard, Toby pulled a muggle biro out from behind his ear and said, "Who's up first?"

 

If you're a quid player playing in the upcoming matches, you're invited to get examined!

 

ICly, the hospital wing is deciding on your eligibility to play and you must pass the health exam to take part in the first matches of the season, OOCly we will have no involvement in any decisions!

This is all for fun, so let us know if there's anything you want us to force your characters to do to pass the health-checks (eg. take a potion with side-effects, wear extra safety equipment/padding/etc, be put on a diet) or any embarrassing things you want us to uncover.  

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Morty immediately got to work refusing to disclose her concussion history. Lunes hadn't been there. Ergo, Lunes didn't have to know. And if Tobias ratted on her, she would make him run laps or something.

 

#modelcaptain.

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What’s this?  A way to possibly get out of the upcoming Quidditch match without having to actually deal with confrontation of telling her captains?  Thalia was so down for this.

 

Stepping into the medical examination area, the Ravenclaw did not hesitate in announcing, “I’m allergic to brooms… they make my butt uncomfortable.”  

 

She was 100% serious.

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Tobias choked on his own laughter in response to @Thalia Thorne.

 

It took him a long moment to compose himself enough to cross both her and Morty off on his list of names and wave them on towards Miss Lunes for their examination.  

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Alayna was a hundred and ten percent healthy, thank you very much. Her history with bludgers had only managed to make her stronger- as was evident by her scrawny arms and pasty complexion.  So… why were they being made to do this again? They’d never had to do it before!

 

“I… um… I…” the redhead stuttered, “I’m not broken today!”

 

…and she probably shouldn’t have made that sound like such an accomplishment. Oops.

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As must as Kaelyn resented all the Toby time she was losing as a result, the sixth year thought her boyfriend’s new hospital wing assistant gig was adorable.  What girl didn’t get a little weak in the knees at the sight of a confident, knowledgeable healing-person?

 

She grinned when she reached the front of the queue, and pretended to help him find her name on his clipboard.  “Name’s Paddock. First name's Kaelyn with a K. K-A-E-L-Y-N.”

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Vladimir's expression was set to stoic, impenetrable stone fortress with which no one would know that he was entirely uncomfortable with this entire endeavour.

 

However, he did have to lead by example, and thus he uttered no word of complaint.

 

:|

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Alay... Toby looked up at the Gryffindor girl. @Alayna Weasley. Wasn't that...?

 

"Not today?" he echoed, one eyebrow lifting, and DID NOT SAY ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT @Jake Morent, CUPBOARDS, AND WANDERING HANDS, for Toby was being good

 

That is, until Kaelyn arrived and started spelling her name out for him. "Cute." He lowered his clipboard so he could lean down to kiss her quickly on the lips. "But I think you're going to need a full examination." He didn't mind saying such a thing in hearing-range of Vladimir; his captain was made of stone and likely hadn't had a facial expression since the moment he was born. 

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Kirk and Goodfellow had differing views on a lot of things. Rainbows, for one. Goodfellow would happily deck the entire team in them, while Kirk would settle for something simple, small, and unobtrusive, like a bracelet. Training methods were another disagreement. As were quidditch uniform standards. And the rules for "decorating" lockers. There were, however, several things they agreed on wholeheartedly. They were:

 

1) If you had to foul someone, to do it in the most physically crushing way so your card would be worth it.
2) Ravenclaw sucked.
3) A team was only as fit as their slowest flyer. 
4) Their slowest flyer could always be faster and would be faster or they would run laps every day until they were.

5) Luke had the best abs on the team.

 

It was reason number three that brought the pair of them to get their team checked out. It was reason number one why Kirk snorted and quickly contradicted Miss Lunes' statements in a short aside to their team after she'd said them. "Extra padding makes you slow. Concussions are why we made you sign release forms when we announced the team and precisely why we have mediwizards--" a cough from Goodfellow "--and mediwitches, calm your snitches Goodfellow, to sort you out. You will pass this physical or you will run laps until Goodfellow and I deem you fit enough to play. Any questions?" 

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Baby was panicking. There was a reason that she avoided the Hospital Wing and it 100% had to do with her secret veela heritage. She didn't want anyone looking at her medical records, not even the resident healer. Sure, she knew that Miss Lunes probably knew that she was part-veela and due to secrecy in the medical field, she was obligated to keep Baby's medical history a secret, but at the same time, there were so many risks. And what made it worse was that Toby was the one standing here, watching the group as they were being checked in. Why did it have to be Toby? He already knew and suspected too much. 

 

As they approached the field, Baby set her face in an annoyed glare, walking behind her captains. "I'm not doing this, this is so flacking dumb," she grumbled to them. "I'm healthier than all of you."

 

And with that, she turned on her heel and approached a bench as far away from the group as she could risk. She sent a glare towards Toby who was already aware of Baby's aversion to all things Hospital Wing related, as well as a very rude hand gesture, before taking a seat. Nope. Not doing it. And with that, she leaned back, arms and legs crossed with the most annoyed glare on her face.


Edited by Baby Erquemboure

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Kirk watched Baby walk away and shrugged, turning back to Winchester and pointing at his list of names. "Check off Erquemboure as done. Might as well do Cronus too, he can bench everyone here." He'd expected Redgrave to be the first to tap out, but Baby was a close second. It didn't really matter; his players were good to play, having someone else check them over was just extra paperwork. They were wasting practice time as it was, having the pitch booked like this.

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Damaris was still in shock that she'd managed to make the Slytherin Quidditch team. But the moment that they were required to undergo physicals in order to be allowed to play, she couldn't help but feel nervous. She hadn't exactly told her mother that she'd been accepted onto the quidditch team, and it wasn't a conversation she was looking forward to, considering the fact that her mother had refused to sign the permission slip the previous year for Flying class. 

 

"My mum's not going to be told about this, is she?"

 

That was a bigger concern than her physical fitness, which wasn't necessarily the best. She lagged behind Killian when they ran together, and usually ended up tripping on her shoes. Running laps for practices was helping her catch up on her exercise, so the real fear wasn't that she'd be called out on it--it was that someone was going to tell her mum. 

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It was true that Kirk and Abby didn't agree on a lot, but the one thing they did agree on was keeping their team proper fit for Quidditch season. The lack of Quidditch the year before had been a bit of a setback, but that was fine. They could pass those tests in flying colors.

 

Abby marched into the Hospital Wing with her team in tow, like baby ducks behind a brightly colored mother duck and a grumpy cat, and smiled charmingly at Toby. When Kirk told him to just check Baby and Luke off the list, Abby hummed and placed a hand on @Toby Winchester's arm. "Actually, I can take it from here for Slytherin. Thanks, babe," she said cheerfully, placing a hand on the clipboard and tugging it towards her. "There's a lot of other players who need your attention," she said, winking before glancing at Kaelyn. Abby didn't need a member of the other team snooping on the health of her players.  

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Not today? Yes, not today. Why was he questioning her? And why was he looking at her like that? Had she said something wrong? Did she look broken? Alayna looked quickly down at herself before her head shot back up and she offered the prefect a nod. YUP, SHE MOST DEFINETELY WAS NOT BROKEN. And she was hopeful that that would be the end of the awkwardness, but then Kae came and the Ravenclaw prefect started snogging her and Alayna was left standing there looking at the both of them like this: o.o;

 

Could she leave now? No? Greeaaaaaaat.

 

“Um… I’ll just… go over here” the fourth year squeaked. She looked about frantically for a moment to find someone of safe status to cling to, but found none and thus was left standing awkwardly off to the side. That healer lady needed to hurry her rear up, because if she didn’t she would find herself with a dead Weasley on her hands soon.

 

Her tombstone would read: ALAYNA WEASLEY, DEAD OF OVERWHELMING AWKWARDNESS.

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As Inara stood in line to be examined for Quidditch (stupid), she read a book. She was trying to finish as many books this year as possible and this seemed as good a time as any to get some reading done. She was good at tuning the hustle and bustle around her out since she had a million and a half siblings and it came as second nature to her. She turned a page and squinted at the diagram of occamies. Fascinating.

 

She cocked her head to the side as she continued to read, standing up, waiting for her turn. She turned another page and wondered when this would be over. What was the point, anyway? Couldn’t she just risk her own life and get healed later? Sure, she liked living and all but she loved Quidditch and if she didn’t get cleared, someone was going to lose their head (and it wouldn’t be her).

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Toby saw @Baby Erquemboure, of course, and for the first time his smile slipped. It was because of Baby that he'd become interested in healing, helping to heal her after a death eater attack when she'd refused to go to the wing. It had been one of the few moments he'd seen the real her. The rude hand gesture in his direction spoke volumes. What Toby still wasn't sure about was why she was so averse to the wing. 

 

He checked her off on the list then raised his eyebrows at @Kirk Lawson as he assumed that Toby was going to listen to anything he said.

 

Kirk was used to being respected on a quidditch pitch. Unluckily for him, Toby didn't give two tosses about quidditch. 

 

"Cronus is actually top of our list," he lied. "His mental capacities leave something to be desired. One too many blows to the head, yeah?" A comment about Kirk's own clearly stunted growth in terms of his height was on the tip of Toby's tongue when @Abigail Goodfellow, the sparkliest best friend, tried to tug the clipboard away from him with a wink. Toby held firm.

 

"Just 'cause you're captain now doesn't mean you can break the rules. I mean, I know you're a Slytherin, but I thought you were better than this, Abby." He grinned, voice teasing. "Tell your mini co-captain here to stop telling me how to do my job or I'm recommending your whole team is benched." Slytherins. Always assuming they were the greatest team on the pitch. Who had won the cup last again?


Edited by Tobias Winchester

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Well this was going swimmingly.

 

Both Ravenclaw captains were apparently mute and scribbling furiously on the form, the young redheaded @Alayna Weasley was stuttering about not being currently broken (indicating that she had previously been broken, thought Greta), and someone was declaring they were allergic to brooms. She waved the two Ravenclaws through after making notes about their distinct lack of communication (perhaps a visit with Mr Hextor would benefit them) and focused on the allergic bum as this issue was definitely one that she could address easily.

 

 “Are you aware of any allergies to certain trees? Or to specific varnish ingredients?” she inquired to @Thalia Thorne. Her initial inclination was to examine the area that was affected, but it was wholly inappropriate to ask the young girl to drop trou in the middle of the whole gaggle of students. “…Can you describe how they make your butt uncomfortable?” Greta asked in lieu of starting a potential lawsuit. “We could probably use a special suit with padding on um, your rear to help protect it from exposure.”

 

She motioned for Thalia to move forward when another inquiry piped up from @Damaris Denton. “If you have any ailments, then yes?” she replied slowly. “Wouldn’t you want your mum to know if something is wrong?” Greta paused for a moment. “…Is there already something wrong?”

 

Before the young Slytherin girl could respond, the brunette Healer heard another familiar voice. "@Abigail Goodfellow I’m so glad you got my letter,” Greta beamed at her most senior assistant in the wing, oblivious to any sort of tension that was resonating between the Slytherin and @Tobias Winchester. “That’s just perfec!. Do you mind handling the list for the Slytherin team?” It only made sense to her that each of her assistants would be, you know, assisting in this endeavor. And who else was perfect to direct the initiative than the ones that knew their teams best?

 

It was probably becoming increasingly clear to everyone but Greta that she had never played Quidditch and had never been exposed to the necessary evil of subterfuge between teams.

 

“Tobias? Can…you please give her the clipboard?” Her face still had a smile, but her eyes were ever-so-slightly narrowed. “And did you say that Miss @Kaelyn Paddockrequires a full examination?” Greta beckoned the Gryffindor girl closer. “Are you feeling okay?”

 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

@Morty Gabor: Cleared, but with concerns about muteness disorder. Having traumatic flashbacks to Quidditch pitch memories? Possibly recommend consultation with Mr Hextor

@Vladimir Valentin: Cleared, but with concerns about muteness disorder. Having traumatic flashbacks to Quidditch pitch memories? Possibly recommend consultation with Mr Hextor.

Thalia Thorne: Cleared, but recommend further examination and testing for possible life-threatening allergies to arboreal species typically utilized for brooms. Recommend medical-grade padding on rear end/legs/hands to prevent further skin exposure. Recommend having an Airway Potion on the sidelines at all time in case of anaphylaxis.

 

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Fiona was hoping for a nice paperwork-type job, or at least one that didn’t involve having to ‘give a physical’ to her boyfriend (Ravenclaw), or her best friend (Ravenclaw), or for that matter Gabor (and Ravenclaw). If any one of these people were lying in the hospital wing hurt or sick, of course Fiona would help, and heal. Healing was one thing. But...examining...them when they were healthy was just...well, there were not enough awkward teenage feelings on earth to describe it. Even the words “examine Nico” made Fio uncomfortable.

 

“Err I’m here, but...if it’s possible, can someone else take care of Ravenclaw?” she whisper-asked @Miss Lunes . She decidedly looked anywhere but at Vladimir and Morty.

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Irene only arrived because she was being carried fireman-style over Luke's shoulder. She could be heard barking aggressively into the wind variations on, "I didn't sign anything about doing this - If I wanted to know what Toby feeling me up was like I'd just ask Kaelyn - I will maim anyone who comes near me - are you listening to me, Cronus?!"

 

Never mind that she wasn't actively maiming Luke even though he was manhandling her. He did that on the regular and she'd just gotten used to it, apparently.

 

"Also I know you stuffed extra rolls in your bag, can I have one?" Her voice softened on the last part, genuinely wanting some payback for being carted off mid-snack in the Great Hall.

 

When he checked in, he said his own name and then turned around so Irene's face could see the person with the clipboard. "I'm not here." She grouched resolutely.

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"You got nothin' to worry about, Reenie." Toby wasn't a licensed professional so he couldn't touch anyone anyway, right? Not legally. Even so, the Slytherin didn't let Irene down, mostly because she would probably make a break for it and he was too stuffed from second lunch to run right now. "Irene Redgrave is here," he announced since she wouldn't. Then he reached into his bag and handed her a roll behind his back because she'd used that voice and he couldn't just ignore that, and she knew it too.

 

Being at least head taller than most of the others, he looked at Miss Lunes, who seemed to be really serious about all this stuff. It was kinda cool to have someone looking out for them like that, but something Irene said made him wonder. Would she have to know like... details about their activities? And more importantly, would she tell his parents? He was seventeen now so was he considered his own parent?

 

"We don't hafta answer a lotta questions though, right? I'm kinda down to just... not do that and do weights instead." He adjusted Irene on his shoulder because her hip bone was digging in. "Eat another roll."

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Irene was resigned to being stuck up here in this very uncomfortable position until someone satisfied Luke that their obligations had been met. When she was offered bread, she gave him an upside down hug against his back and took it.

 

At the end of the day, Irene knew that Luke wouldn't let anything bad happen to her so she was probably safe - and if he didn't like the looks of these physical things, he'd save them both. She stopped struggling. 

 

Greedily she shoved the roll in her mouth and then had the brilliant idea to stuff the second roll in her mouth too when it was produced.

 

HA HA. They can't take her temperature or address her at all until she didn't have food in her mouth - right? Was that a thing?

 

"I'm noff answering any queshtions." Irene agreed with her full mouth. 


Edited by Irene Redgrave

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When @Miss Lunes had decided that the quidditch players were going to get physicals this year, she wasn't sure what to think about this. Even though she was a hospital wing assistant, the thought of giving her peers physicals without them being injured didn't appeal to her. Hopefully @Tobias Winchester and the other hospital wing assistants had things figured out and she could possibly fill out her own form without them knowing.

 

Apparently Abby was taking over for the Slytherin team. Zara wondered if she should ask to help out and hoped that the response was that everything was already taken care of. "I am here if anyone needs my help."


Edited by Zara Anguariz

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“Didn’t I already get one of those?”  Kaelyn asked innocently after Toby gave her a quick peck on the lips. (Alayna D<). She’d only meant for Tobias to hear her, but @Alayna Weasley was standing right there so chances were she heard the whole exchange too.

 

“But, I mean, if you think we need to-” Kaelyn began again in a low voice, but Abby cut them off just then, followed by Miss Lunes.

 

“Yeah, thanks, babe,” she deadpanned, echoing Abby, before turning to face a very concern-looking @Miss Lunes.  Oops.

 

“Errrm, actually, I’m fine- great, actually! I’m great.  I just went flying this morning.  It was great."  Kaelyn also had great vocabulary.  "So... this should be pretty quick, right?”

 

She heard her name from somewhere behind her.  "Oh, hi, Ire-"  "I'm not here,"  "-okay."

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Margaret was so nervous. A few days ago, someone had told her she ate too many potatoes. According to that person, she consumed too many carbohydrates as a result. Apparently, an excess of carbohydrates in one's diet could cause all the blood in her veins to turn into sugar water and that she'd leak sweet red water from her ears. Margaret wasn't stupid and she knew that person's words were in jest, but she suddenly worried that eating a raw potato as a snack and two cooked potatoes for dinner nearly everyday had a detrimental effect on her health.

 

She didn't want any of her captains knowing she had a poor diet, and so she'd somehow weaseled her way to the front of the line far away from any other Hufflepuff player. Immediately, she felt horrible for keeping a secret (albeit a tiny and unimportant one?) from the team. Being surrounded by students she could barely recognize, Margaret felt bile rising in her throat as her heartbeat picked up its pace. What would she do if Miss Lunes told her her bones were too weak, made of mashed potatoes, and that she'd have to sit out not just this first game, but every single game from here on out? 

 

"Um, excuse me?" Margaret called out to anyone who'd listen. Her voice quavered. "I-I need an examination. I think - I might - someone told me I might - I think I... is my blood going to go bad?" She sniffled sadly, knowing she'd destroyed her life by opening the door for a knowledgeable health worker to tell her she needed to cut her favorite food from her life. 

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