The Daily Prophet

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Hogwarts School Board Says Enough is Enough

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SCOTLAND—As the recently developed strain of spattergroit runs rampant through the halls of Hogwarts, parents are forced to ask themselves: are our children safe anymore?

Sources confirm that the highly contagious disease has been allowed to spread among students at an exponential rate, contaminating at least 15% of the student population in two short months. The illness causes the skin to break out in purple pustules that heal over into hideous scars and often results in months of bedrest and occasionally death. The number of infected continues to rise daily, and as Headmaster Arthur Weasley, former Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office and known veteran of Second Wizarding War, continues to turn a blind eye on the situation, parents, the Prophet, and above all the Hogwarts School Board of Governors have been forced to ask the questions that no one else has dared to as the plague has grown worse.

“Does Weasley truly care about the welfare of the students or is he just interested in pushing his liberal agenda?” asks Alaric Montague, the dashing frontman for the Governors. “It’s as if he wants the children to be infected through his lack of action. So typical of him and his ilk to be paralyzed by ineptitude.”

Montague, one of the primary sources of funding for the prestigious school of witchcraft and wizardry, has been known to frequently voice his distaste for the current Headmaster. His doubts about Weasley’s ability to facilitate a positive learning environment for the United Kingdom’s most gifted students has begun to reach a crescendo as he asks to know “EXACTLY what steps Weasley plans to take to ensure the safety of our children” and continues to be answered with silence.

We kindly advise all parents to send a letter to their students to ensure the stability of their health, as it is believed that the Hospital Wing Staff at Hogwarts has been prohibited from releasing owls about the situation themselves.

If you have any information that could be of help regarding this case, please forward all owls to the Daily Prophet.


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