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The Burrow Times

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About this blog

In need of a cookie recipe? What about compliments of the week? Look no further than the Burrow Times, a newspaper for Hufflepuffs, by Hufflepuffs. The badgers behind this endeavor promise to deliver the hottest news and need-to-know information with varying degrees of bias, accuracy and of course, fluff <3
 

Current Team:
Professor Qin - Consultant
Ethan Smith - Editor
Cordelia Waldegrave - Editor
Desmond Tonks
Seeley Pichardo
Margaret Schoenberger
Ryan Alteron

Entries in this blog

 

Understanding Professor Qin

As we enter the second term of this school year, I figured that we should get to know our new Head of House, Professor Qin. Most students know her as the Care of Magical Creatures Professor, but if you are a first or second year you might only know her as a Hufflepuff House Professor. This year, our interim headmaster, Headmaster Gawkrodger, decided to step down as HoH. It might have been to much for him - teaching students wrong stuff about muggles and being Headmaster at the same time. Professor Qin was picked as his replacement.   Sitting down with the new Head of House, I decided that it was time that we got to know her a little better. I asked her about how she felt about getting the Head of House position. Qin replied, “Honestly? Surprised. I never thought that the Headmaster would pick me as his replacement, considering the number of times we’ve disagreed on handling certain issues.” Do you wonder what those issues might be? I am a little curious myself. She later added on, “I am resolved to keep the Hufflepuff spirit burning strong while improving how our house operates at the same time.” You would think that the Headmaster Gawkrodger had given her some advice, but when I asked about that, she simply said,“Have you met him?” I have, and she is right.   I asked Professor Qin what was the first thing she did when she got the news. She told me that she checked her mug to see if some mischievous student had gotten to it. She was probably thinking it was @Cordelia Waldegrave.   When asked about her priorities for the house, Qin replied. “Maybe curb that cookie obsession…” Shouldn’t there be something else? Cookies are good and make a Hufflepuff a Hufflepuff.   I wanted to know if she believed that her creature caretaking skills will help her in her new position. She told me this: “Controlling children is very much like controlling creatures.” She HAS met some of the students at Hogwarts, hasn’t she?   What about five years from now? Apparently, she has the goal of being able to contribute more to the magizoologist community. As for the Hufflepuff house, this was what she had to say: “I think I’ll be content if it is still standing somehow.” Does she not have faith in us? (This might have to do something with the Cordy Corner, which she didn’t comment much on.)   Now all interviews should be fun, but when asked if she could be any creature, she said it was a secret. She does know animal jokes... but what about you guys? Answer this joke.   What do you call a badger with a carrot in each ear?   Also, Hufflepuffs... you don’t have to worry, Professor Qin doesn’t have any favorites.   Ethan Smith
VH36 | Burrow Times Editor

The Burrow Times

The Burrow Times

 

How Not To Die: Bourdelle Edition

Please forgive my prolonged absence, I needed a bit of time to emotionally recover from the past two years of History of Magic with Professor Bourdelle and her possessed dolls. If you're a sixth year just be grateful you're halfway through the year and you have Grimsby and his fabulous mustache back next year. In the mean time for the current second and third years, I've prepped a little survival guide to get you through your next term safety. And as for the first years, pay attention, you're about to fight for your life for two years.   Always have a weapon. Be it a really sharp stick or in my case a blow torch, you never know when one of her evil dolls will pop out of no where and you need to be ready to stab. I recommend going for the eyes. Constant vigilance. Never let the boring subject matter distract you. Bourdelle loves to lure her victims students into a false sense of security. Under no circumstances should you fall asleep that means you @Desmond Potter! And you wonder why you keep getting attacked by your grandpa. Find someone slower than you. Yup that's right. Find a friend you can out run. The dolls will feast on the first person they can get their grubby doll hands on, giving you plenty of time to get to safety. Don't be afraid to throw and elbow. Or trip someone to aid your escape. Don't touch anything. Only touch your stuff. Heck if you're coordinated enough, to take notes while standing do that instead of sitting. Learn to fake sneeze. It's the easiest way to get out of a portkey at the last second with minimal detention. Nothing good happens on a fieldtrip that Professor Bourdelle planned. Trust me. Do not provoke Bourdelle. I learned this lesson the hard way. If Bourdelle shrinks you to goblin size or turns you into a canary, do not retaliate. She will give you detention and purposely give one of her dolls bat bogeys and lock you in a room with it. Always wear a mustache. Mustaches are cool and they will annoy Bourdelle, so it's a win-win. Find a shield. Whether you "borrow" one from a suit of armor in the castle or MacGyver one yourself, it's the fastest way to protect yourself and possibly put @Dove Lightwood in danger. Heck buy some safety googles and kneepads why you're add it that way you can be safe, and attend my Introduction to Welding class. Try not to complain too much about how Grimsby is superior. Yes, I know it's a known fact, but voicing this will mean you are violating Tip 7. Support Grimsby in her class at your own risk. His mustache might be magical but it can't heal the emotional scaring that is being shrunken to goblin size.   Cordelia Waldegrave How Not To Die Columnist | VH36

The Burrow Times

The Burrow Times

 

How Not To Die: Death Eater Edition

Apparently, some scary stuff happened in the castle a few months ago. I really don’t remember because Gawkrodger turned me into a turtle, but he turned me into a turtle with a blowtorch strapped to her back, so that was fun.   Anyways, it seems all of you learned nothing last year and need a refresher of how not to die at Hogwarts, so here are my top ten tips to not die in a Death Eater attack.   Zig-zag. Don’t run in a straight line when a Death Eater is chasing you. Keep it random and stay alive. (Don’t pull a Rickon Stark) Always carry a blowtorch. If there is one thing Death Eaters hate it’s fire*, so when the death eaters come calling, set them on fire or at least weld those silly little masks into a unicorn or something. Find someone you don’t like and trip them. I mean you could really trip anyone, but see if you can locate someone you don’t like first, like Dove Lightwood for instance.** Find a really good hiding place and hide. This requires some legwork, but if you put in the effort, you too could hide in the Henry VII type suite of armor located on the fifth floor corridor two doors down from the Transfiguration classroom. Wait a minute When in doubt slugs are you friends. Not only will turning a Death Eater into a slug factory be hilarious, but if they don’t murder you. But also the slime will slow them down. Hide behind Kimber. Well, I get to do this. Y'all have to find your own Kimber equivalent. NO STEALING MY KIMBER!! Just find someone with fancy spells and use them as a human shield. I’ll admit I didn’t know this until the castle was being attacked, but find Professor Gawkrodger and have him transfigure you into a turtle. No one would ever suspect a poor, innocent turtle. If you can’t make it to your top secret hiding place, try a place that no one would ever go to even if their life depended on it, like the History of Magic classroom or Professor Knaggs’ office. You’ll be safe there for years. I know this might sound like a contradiction since I wrote a whole article about killer trees last year, but go to that Whomping Willow thing and bob and weave while your attacker gets walloped. This one takes a lot of preparation, but find a corner somewhere in the castle, commandeer it, fill it with super weird and scary stuff and you’ll have an instant Death Eater repellent.   So, there you go, now stop making me right this article, just stay alive. AH AH AH STAYING ALIVEEEEEE! *There is no evidence supporting this fact. **Yeah, don’t do this. ***Stealing Cordelia’s Kimber could lead to being turning into a slug and/or being set on fire, accidentally of course.   Cordelia Waldegrave
How Not To Die Columnist | VH34

The Burrow Times

The Burrow Times

 

Kit's Kookie Recipie

Hello Badgers!   Are you duelled out? Are you worrying about upcoming examinations? Or are you just in need of a tea time pick-me-up? Then I have just the perfect treat for you to devour. In dedication to our very own Sophie Downes – triple chocolate chip cookies with chocolate sprinkles.   It’s a pretty easy recipe once you take a look. To make a batch of 15 snacks you will need the following: -   200g softened butter 300g soft brown sugar 1 tsp vanilla extract 2 eggs 300g self raising flour 80g cocoa powder 1 tsp baking powder 300g chocolate chips a jar of chocolate sprinkles   All these ingredients can be located in the Hogwarts kitchens. If you can’t find what you need you can always ask the house elves. If you don’t know where the kitchens are located ask the nearest first year. Once you have all your ingredients we are going to preheat the oven to 180 c [various temperatures depending on the oven].   Cream the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in the vanilla extract and the eggs – no egg shells please [no one likes an egg crunchy cookie].  In a separate bowl sift flour, cocoa and baking powered together Add the flour to the creamed mix in stages. Mix well, and fold in the chocolate chips. Spoon a tablespoon of the mixture onto a baking tray and repeat until you have used up all the cookie mixture. [or the mixture you have left after eating it]. Bake for 12 minutes. Once ready, place on a cooling rack. After taking out of the oven, use the chocolate sprinkles on top of the cookie, so they set in place whilst the cookie cools down.  EAT ALL THE COOKIES. If there are any left, then send some in my direction. 
Kermit Princeley
Food Columnist | VH34

The Burrow Times

The Burrow Times

 

Rate My Professor: Professor Mendelssohn

Good Day Hufflepuffs! Once again I have rated another one of the professors that roam the halls of Hogwarts. This time I had asked for everyone to place a vote, and the winner was…. Drum roll….. Professor Mendelssohn. Many of you all know her as the Herbology Professor. She is one that will teach you all about the plants, the ones that are important, ones that can hurt you, or even ones that are plain boring. If one truly looks at Professor Mendelssohn with the eyes that are not of a student just wanting to learn about Herbology, you might see someone that is bitter and also maybe a little lonely. She might just need someone in her life to make her a little bit happier.   Just like last time, I went around asking other students what they thought of her. Almost everyone that I asked had someone positive to say about her, which was better than the last professor that I had rated. Here are a few quotes from some students around the castle.   Selena Watkins said,  “She’s actually good as a professor, teaching useful things and still makes things fun for kids. Can be very sarcastic though.”   Rowan Allard said, “On the outside: an angry young woman. On the inside: a slightly less angry young woman just dying for some chocolate chip cookies.”

Siobhan Arden said, “Professor Mendelssohn is strict but I think she has a heart of gold and she teaches, like, my fave subject so she obviously gets 10 stars.”

Iseult Pryce said, ” She lets me play in dirt.”

Desmond Tonks said, “I would rate Mendelssohn a 7 or 8 because, unlike SOME other professor I could mention, treats her job seriously. I did not give her a full 10 because she also seems to have a penchant for sending students into some sort of plant-related danger. It keeps things exciting but surely we can leave that to the evildoers of the wizarding world.”   It seems that many students like her as she does her job, which is something that a professor is supposed to be doing, and some like her because she allows them to play in the dirt. This could be fun for some people, unless you don’t like getting dirty. Overall, she gets a 8.5 from me. While she knows the information she is teaching, some things shouldn’t be in a classroom.   Keep a look out for the next issue of Rate my Professor. If you have a professor in mind, let me know.   Ethan Smith
Rate My Professor Columnist | VH35

The Burrow Times

The Burrow Times

 

Professors Profess A Brief Goodbye to Their Golden Years

As the old saying goes, the early professor gets the potion.

At least that’s what students arriving to breakfast last week discovered when it appears a de-aging potion had been slipped into several of the professors goblets before sunrise and what can only be described as utter chaos broke loose.  

Yours truly was there to see it unfold in real time as several of the second year class had assembled for a, definitely not suspicious, early morning study session that day.  In total, ten professors saw a return to their teenage years, complete with a return of uncontrollable emotions, clearly, as several students fell victim to personal attacks from a teenage version of Professor Carter.  There were shrunken heads abound and students hung from chandeliers in the Great Hall by the time the potions effects had fully set into place.  I myself also felt the wrath of Professor James (Before she was carted out of the great hall by a shrinking Hero Althaus) and Professor Carter with fire and worms respectively.  

That’s what you get for going after the action I suppose - take note kids. It’s dangerous in the field.

But, attacking students at will wasn’t the only thing on the moody professors to-do lists.  They seemed to take advantage of their new found youth by running renegade around the castle.  Breaking into offices, slinking off to the forest, and even hiding out in the staff lounge - granted would be a normal place for a professor if they weren’t in the current mental state of a fifteen year old.  

As disturbing as it is to hear your favorite dance machine professor screeching “YOLO!” As he runs from breakfast with his fist in the air all signs point to the epic prank being a major success because this second year surely has no idea who could be to blame, but if I get any leads I will follow them to any lengths. Until next time, Seeley Pichardo
Hogwarts Happenings Columnist | VH35   P. S.  Any students with any information regarding the this incident should report directly to Professor Foster in the Defense Offices on the Second floor.     ((Special Thank You to Professors : Carter, Althaus, Narsinghani, Hambeldon, Foster, James, Mendelssohn, & Fjord; Headmaster Gawkrodger, Miss Huntington & Mr. Hextor for taking a sip and playing along))

The Burrow Times

The Burrow Times

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