► Overnight, a great portable swamp has been released in the corridor outside the library. Is this an act of an overworked student or could it be attributed to the rising trend of vandalism at Hogwarts? Mrs. Norris has started stringent hourly patrols.
► A recall has been issued for as many as 26,000 boxes of Cheeri Owls for possible glass contamination in one of their ingredients, skrewt oil.
►Britain sees the largest flock of owls in the sky since the day You-Know-Who was defeated: tickets for The Pygmy Puffs' holiday concert have gone on sale, and only 1,000 lucky witches or wizards will make attendance. In response to the band's announcement of their pygmy puffs performing synchronized swimming on stage in late December, pygmy puff rights groups have launched an aggressive campaign to boycott the concert.
► Chad Knox will be live tonight, dishing out the odds on Durmstrang champions. Don't miss it or the recent string of articles at the Daily Prophet detailling trouble at the grand Triwizard Tournament.
► With the students’ release from exams, most to the warmth of well-missed homes or otherwise to the empty castle, torrential downpours have started all about the country, turning it into the wettest winter yet.
► A mysterious clank-clanking has been heard coming from the unused classroom’s closet. A head count of students before winter break confirmed that no one is missing, so the staff has been warned that the castle likely has another visitor in the form of a ghoul. The Ghoul Task Force has been scheduled for a visit.
► Equally mysterious is how girls and boys everywhere are finding themselves matched to their one true champion. Did Witch Weekly hire Seers for this project?
► Chaos erupted at the Ministry of Magic when a pygmy puff activist group sent a package with an extensive extension charm, releasing hundreds of the furry critters in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Personnel are advised to not condone cuddling with any escaped pygmy puffs. Please return them to the front desk.
► Despite repeated requests for interviews about the upcoming first task of the Triwizard Tournament, Official Zotkin has promised all "a good show" to look for. Now, if only tickets to Durmstrang weren't rarer than ones to the Pygmy Puffs' winter concert.
► Blame Herbert t-shirts have recently become “all the rage” on the international fashion scene.
► The comic book Snapeman has recently released a new line of action figures. Rumor has it there’s a removable hooked nose involved. Get your order in today!
►A litter of blast-ended skrewts appears to have made the rose gardens its home. Students should approach with caution.
► In Quidditch League news, this week's game took place in overly windy conditions, resulting in at least one weather related injury. The Montrose Magpies defeated Puddlemere United, 190 to 50, with leading goal scorers Rose Weasley of Montrose, Montgomery Wotherspoon and Elliot Golden of Puddlemere. Ultimately, the snitch was caught by Lellybelly Thanrion of Montrose, resulting in their victory.
► For Valentine's, Madam Puddifoot received a new shipment of self-writing love notes. An undetected defect however will cause, when left unattended, the self-writing love notes to write very rude letters. Love you too, poopbrains.
► The Whomping Willow has been particularly angry as of late and will whomp any passersby. Its anger is exceptionally vicious toward couples.
► Rumours are swirling throughout the magical music scene of a long-awaited new album from The Every Flavour Boys, after the group tried out new material at their one-off concert in the Peak District last month. If true, this will be the bands first new release since 2018.
► 14 year old boy (Noah Knightly) reported missing from the Knightly Home for Orphaned Boys on February the 1st. Please contact the authorities if you have any information regarding the missing boy.
► Meanwhile, at Durmstrang, despite outcry over the second task, Official Zotkin has been mute on the suspicious going-ons about the still frozen lakes which have been deemed off-limits to all except Ministry workers or the groundskeeper.
► Noah Knightly was found in Puddlemere. The 14 year old squib claims to have no knowledge as to how he made the journey beyond a yanking pull on his belly and Authorities have to wonder what an unregistered portkey was doing at an orphanage.
► Wizarding Fashion Week (this year held in Leeds, Yorkshire) was a roaring success, with the ‘it’ colours of Spring and Summer named as canary yellow, lavender and olive green.
► Rumors spread that a wild werewolf has been seen on Hogwarts grounds. The incident still remains under investigation, though many suspect the recently outed werewolf, Elodie Aldridge, to be suspect.
► Tension, bad romance and camaraderie on display at the end-of-the-year ball. An autograph from Triwizard Tournament champion Briony Prosser may well be worth 1000 galleons one day so be sure to get yours today.