23 September 2014
In a shocking turn of events, missing Historian Tobias Bradshaw has been found – or most of him, anyway.
At 4am this morning, whilst most of us were at home asleep, safely tucked away in our beds dreaming, the infamous Karn Alley was awash with scandal; even more so than usual. For the first time since The Agreement, well over fifty years ago, Aurors apparated into the degraded, carnal streets of East London’s most famed quarter. The Wizarding World knew something was up when they were not immediately hexed for crossing the agreed boundary between the London we all know and love and the immoral streets of Karn Alley, where even the Ministry of Magic is powerless, and all law has long since been forgotten.
Within seconds our correspondent had the Prophet informed, and we were the first reporters on the scene as the Aurors strode through the streets confidently, a clear purpose in mind. A purpose that turned out to be both gruesome and horrifying, and came in the form of two parts – two body parts, that is.
Tobias Bradshaw, world-renowned Historian, owner of the largest collection of privately-owned historical artifacts and, as we are more likely to know him, author of Great Wizarding Events of the Twentieth Century, was the cause for this historical breaking of The Agreement between the patrons of Karn Alley and the Ministry. At precisely 5:23am this morning Tobias’s Bradshaw’s body was found in a deserted warehouse, headless.
Tied to a chair, with several broken fingers, bruises and cuts, a jagged, crusting stump at the end of his neck, the picture of Tobias Bradshaw painted a tragic picture. The head, later recovered, had rolled across the floor of the warehouse to lie against the wall. The worst part of it all? Tobias Bradshaw had not been killed by magic, or any magical item known to man; his head had been removed from his body by a common Muggle axe, which lay gleaming in the far corner of the warehouse, with absolutely no trace of magic on it whatsoever.
The patrons of Karn Alley are just as lost as the Ministry, claiming that the decapitated body has brought bad luck upon this end of the quarter. Originally, suspicion had fallen on the Headless Barman of the Executioner’s Block, however these theories have long since been quenched, by a flawless alibi and a closer inspection of the headless body the pub uses itself to ward off bad luck. In this, the Ministry have no clues, no leads, and no suspects.
Here at the Prophet, however, we believe this is another factor in the long list of strange occurrences currently plaguing the Wizarding World, having started with the raid on the James Library several years ago. It appears that someone is in desperate need of something (or someone), and will stop at nothing to get it.
Our condolences go out to the bereaved family of Tobias Bradshaw, and his three children, aged 2, 4 and 7. Our thoughts are with you.