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Daily Prophet

Missing Auror Found Catatonic

Hollis Keen, a 20-year veteran of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement who disappeared over a year ago, was found unresponsive on the shore of River Tweed near Birgham, Scotland. Authorities have not disclosed whether the Auror was working on a case at the time of her disappearance. Harry Potter, Head of the Auror Department, declined to make further comments.

 

Ms. Keen’s mother, Audrey Keen, released a statement this morning: “Mr. Potter’s treatment of my daughter’s case appalls me. Aurors risk their lives every day for the good of everyone, and as their leader, Mr. Potter should have better measures to protect his staff rather than nontransparent ones to shield his reputation and political aspirations. This also applies to our Minister for Magic, who continued to cut funds over the years even as crimes rose. If the failed break-in at Hogwarts last year is any indication, it’s that our Aurors on the ground could be even more successful with additional resources, all of which is too late for my Hollis.”

 

Keen was admitted to the Janus Thickey Ward at St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. A source indicated that her condition is stable.

 

Mr. and Mrs. Keen have released a reward notice of 500 galleons for productive tips regarding their daughter’s former disappearance. This joins their 17-year-old reward notice for information regarding their son Amias Keen’s murder during his tenure as an Auror.

 

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Have something to say? Comments on Daily Prophet articles should take the form of letters to the paper, or at the very least be a short roleplay of your character's reaction after reading the article. They should be written IC as either your character or an NPC close to them, such as a parent. Any comment deemed inappropriate will be removed.

Daily Prophet

Anti-Muggleborn Posters Found in Hogsmeade

HOGSMEADE--As students head to Hogsmeade for their first weekend in the town of the year, reports of posters with anti-muggleborn messages have surfaced. The posters, which residents first noticed early morning Thursday on the block near Madame Puddifoot's, bear an ominous message that students who are not of pureblood heritage will be barred from returning to Hogwarts, and includes an address for both students, and local muggleborn residents, to turn in their wands. The posters are signed by the Skull and Bones Society, which Magical Law Enforcement Department insiders claim is a reference to the Dark Mark that Voldemort's followers marked themselves with.

 

Hogsmeade officials that were reached for comment urged the public to remain calm, and refused to speculate on whether the posters were a malicious prank or a warning from an anti-muggleborn group. They added that the Hogsmeade weekends that occur regularly throughout the school year would go on according to schedule.

 

 

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Have something to say? Comments on Daily Prophet articles should take the form of letters to the paper, or at the very least be a short roleplay of your character's reaction after reading the article. They should be written IC as either your character or an NPC close to them, such as a parent. Any comment deemed inappropriate will be removed.

Daily Prophet

Death Eaters No More?

In the wake of a lethal Death Eater attack on Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and the nearby village of Hogsmeade, the Department of Magical Law Enforcement is calling for celebration.

 

On October 4 a group of Death Eaters conducted a two-pronged attack in the Scottish Highlands causing immense property damage in Hogsmeade and injuring numerous Hogwarts students. Lucretia Sheffield, a veteran auror and mother of one, has been named as a casualty.

 

Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Dorian Metcalfe, calls the weekend a victory in spite of the cost.

 

"In addition to those aurors were forced to kill to prevent further harm, several Death Eaters were successfully apprehended and taken into custody. While the department mourns the loss of an auror and feels for her family, we are also aware this is the potentially the greatest victory we have seen over these violent forces in many years."

 

According to Ms Metcalfe, these arrests may be the key to dismantling the Death Eater organisation, which has been terrorising the wizarding community for decades. Other sources claim the majority of Death Eaters were neutralised in this encounter and this is already the end of the Death Eaters, but Ms Metcalfe declined to comment.

 

Donations for the family of Lucretia Sheffield can be mailed directly to the Auror Office in London.

Daily Prophet

Death Eater Trial Date Finalized: Justice Incoming

The date for the final trial and sentencing of confirmed Death Eaters Eadric Carter and Otis Egan has been set for Monday, July 13th 2037. Both men have been held in custody following their arrests last fall during a failed break-in at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Carter and Egan each face charges and subsequent penalties from infractions that range from breaking and entering and illegal use of magicked objects, to numerous counts of reckless child endangerment. Egan is also charged with the murder of Lucretia Sheffield, former Auror, through the use of an Unforgivable Curse.

 

While this is the first charge held against Carter, whose father happens to be a highly respected professor at the aforementioned school, Egan has several prior infractions on record. Professor Carter declined the Daily Prophet’s request to provide a comment on his son’s upcoming trial, citing that he is focused on the needs of his family at this time.

 

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Have something to say? Comments on Daily Prophet articles should take the form of letters to the paper, or at the very least be a short roleplay of your character's reaction after reading the article. They should be written IC as either your character or an NPC close to them, such as a parent. Any comment deemed inappropriate will be removed.

Daily Prophet

Parents for Progress Push for Change

Parents' groups and education advocates are calling for major reforms to safety procedures at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in the wake of another devastating Death Eater attack.

 

Headmistress Arnaude Flamel was brought in four years ago and is generally considered to have improved safety and security at the school. However, the attack in early October, in which children were severely injured and an auror was killed on school grounds, has led to claims that her security record is based purely on coincidence.

 

Founder of advocacy group Parents For Progress, Mallory Selwyn, claims Flamel's tenure has actually harmed students, rather than protecting them.

 

"When our schools lock up students in the name of sheltering them they become little more than jails. A child cannot learn in an environment of constant fear, whether it be of punishment or external attack, and they cannot learn to care for themselves in the wider community if they have been cloistered away in an environment which would sacrifice education, freedom and progress for a hollow sense of security."

 

Parents for Progress has been an outspoken critic of the Hogwarts Board of Governors, Arnaude Flamel and prior head Arthur Weasley, but formerly supportive groups such as Families Protecting True Magic and the Mandatory Registration Movement have also publicly expressed concerns about the headmistress' ability to live up expectations.

 

In an official statement the Hogwarts Board of Governors has announced that it supports its administration team and has no current plans to remove any staff. Independent sources claim that at least one member of the board is scouting candidates to replace both the headmistress and deputy headmaster.

 

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Have something to say? Comments on Daily Prophet articles should take the form of letters to the paper, or at the very least be a short roleplay of your character's reaction after reading the article. They should be written IC as either your character or an NPC close to them, such as a parent. Any comment deemed inappropriate will be removed.

Daily Prophet

Flamel Flees Failing Faculty

Headmistress Arnaude Flamel has departed from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in what the school's board of governors is calling "a mutual decision", in spite of claims she was fired for performance issues.

 

Flamel's tenure at the leading magical school was plagued with minor controversy, but only the most recent Death Eater attack on the facility resulted in significant pressure on the school board to end her employment. A well-known and accomplished potioneer, Flamel was brought in to improve the safety record at Hogwarts, but critics say danger to students only increased under her administration. Some claim she was even personally connected to key figures in the latest attack and that the school must revisit what appears to be a policy of hiring or promoting only those from old pureblood families into leadership positions.

 

Arnaude Flamel declined an interview with this paper but released a short statement asserting that she "is making a mutually agreeable move to focus on [her] personal research and work for publication, leaving the tutelage of future generations to rest, as it should, with those who possess a true passion for education." However, sources close to her say she was preparing for another school year as recently as one week ago.

 

No replacement has been appointed for the position. The board intends to take its time searching for an appropriate candidate, and the existing Deputy Headmaster, Theobald Gawkrodger, will act as an interim head during this period. Purity discrimination groups have been quick to point out this is yet another Head of School from an established pureblood family, but the education and parent advocates who were Flamel's most vocal opponents are cautiously satisfied.

 

A spokesperson for education reform group Growing Fruitful Futures said "GFF is happy to see Arnaude Flamel replaced with an educator who has given Hogwarts a fifteen year commitment. We hope the permanent appointment will reflect the same attention to experience which is relevant to pedagogy and school administration, not just magical research, and are optimistic about the future of Hogwarts as a premier educational facility."

Daily Prophet

Part-Vampire Rights Group Announces Formation

B.L.O.O.D. has registered as a nonprofit group with the Wizengamot Administration Services. While werewolves, veelas, giants, and goblins have historically been well-represented in the Wizarding world's nonprofit sector, part-vampires have not historically enjoyed the same representation. According to B.L.O.O.D.'s founder, Amorentia Bloodfang, it was important to bring attention to the unique challenges that are faced by part-vampires, such as the fact that they do not have the same magical powers as other part-humans, locking them out of all wizarding schools and many of the jobs that require an education from schools like Hogwarts. 

 

However, outspoken pureblood activists Michael and Insley Jacobin have raised concerns over a nonprofit group forming to protect part-vampire rights. "What if they want to be allowed into Hogwarts even though they do not have magical abilities?" they asked when reached for comment. The Jacobins have lobbied against the creation of the group, stressing that they believe that part-vampires are not a big enough group to need their own nonprofit, and that they are too far removed from mainstream magical society to deserve this privilege.

 

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Have something to say? Comments on Daily Prophet articles should take the form of letters to the paper, or at the very least be a short roleplay of your character's reaction after reading the article. They should be written IC as either your character or an NPC close to them, such as a parent. Any comment deemed inappropriate will be removed.

Daily Prophet

DAILY PROPHET EXCLUSIVE: ALARIC MONTAGUE MISSING (presumed dead)

Social Elite and Hotel Mogul, Alaric Montague, was quietly reported missing nearly a week ago.  A source within the Magical Law Enforcement Department says that despite the suspicion of foul play, the influence of the Montague family has left a blanketed moratorium on media coverage of the ongoing manhunt. At this point in time, our sources indicate that the possibility of finding the billionaire alive are grim.

 

Montague’s fortune was amassed through the chain of luxurious wizarding hotels across the world, including Italy, France, Germany, and here in our very own London. The Montague brand is known for catering to the elite and famous and with the introduction of the various Gentleman’s Clubs, Alaric has been named among the Top Ten Wealthiest Wizards in the World.  It is no wonder that the Governors of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry welcomed him with open arms, no doubt hoping that he’d bring an open wallet. Of all the Governors, Montague was one of the most vocally supportive of Arnaude Flamel assuming the post of Headmistress of the prestigious wizarding school.

 

Early last Friday, Montague was reported missing by his wife, Melania, after failing to return home from a mysterious business trip to Transylvania.  The Montague chain could not confirm that there was discussion of opening a hotel in the area and no one seemed to have any information what the meeting he was to have attended entailed.  Our sources report that when Montague’s office was searched that it was found in disarray indicating a struggle.

 

The Daily Prophet reached out to his son, Sebastian Montague, the Professional Quidditch Seeker for the Falmouth Falcons, but received no comment.

The family has asked that their privacy be respected, but our source in the Magical Law Enforcement department would like to ask that if the public has any information, they should report it immediately.

Daily Prophet

Shackling: Is Flamel Pushing the Limits?

The current commander-in-chief at Hogwarts, Headmistress Arnaude Flamel, has done well to ensure the safety of her students from outside forces, but who’s protecting the students from internal threats? Since Flamel has stepped into power at Hogwarts, rumours have been floating about regarding the nature of her disciplinary methods. Shackling, what many students and parents originally thought to be a scare tactic to keep the children in line, have become a real, tangible, and archaically cruel punishment at Hogwarts.

 

At the end of the school year, three third year girls were caught sneaking into Flamel’s office on a dare. As punishment, they were shackled to the ceilings of the Great Hall, publicly humiliated in front of their peers and made out as examples for the rest of the day. The shackles were additionally charmed to burn their wrists if they moved too much.

 

This type of corporal punishment, popular back in the 1800s, seems outdated in today’s modern world. “I can’t even begin to describe what kind of damages a corporal punishment of this size does to a child’s psyche,” Rose Willoughby, healer, child psychologist, and author of The Delicate Magical Mind, lamented during a sit-down interview with me. “Even the muggles know better. It really begs the question which society, magical or muggle, is more advanced if this type of punishment is deemed acceptable at Hogwarts.”

 

We were lucky enough to get in contact with one of the aforementioned girls’ mother, who will be kept anonymous for her child’s safety. She was, predictably, outraged when she heard the news: “She claims to care about the welfare of our children, but how good can her security be if three thirteen-year-old girls are capable of breaching it? These barbaric punishments have nothing to do with protecting our children and everything to do with distracting us from the key issue: what is Flamel hiding that those girls accidentally stumbled into? The whole thing stinks of a cover up. I, for one, will be in contact with the board of governors and I urge every Hogwarts parent to do the same.” Unfortunately, this is not the first shackling since Flamel’s promotion, only the first that has reach our ears. Perhaps your child has already been shackled once and has been too scared to tell you. Then again, how much do we really know about what goes on at Hogwarts these days?

 

The Daily Prophet has previously celebrated the achievements of Headmistress Flamel. While we do commend her on maintaining the safety of our children, we are also committed to reporting the truth. The truth is your child could be the next to be shackled to the ceilings of the Great Hall. The new school year is fast approaching, so as you send your child off for another riveting year at Hogwarts, remember this: While we can rest well knowing our children are safe from Death Eaters and other outside threats at Hogwarts, who will keep them safe from the heartless hands of Headmistress Flamel?

Daily Prophet

PRUNELLA BETTY TIBBLES (1834 - 2036)

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is sad to note the passing of one of their beloved dueling officiators, Prunella Betty Tibbles (age 202). Born in an era prior to many wizards and witches of the current generation, she is thought to have passed away peacefully in her sleep on July 30th. While her success as a dueling officiator remains in question, her affection for the students is without doubt, as she was commonly seen knitting them sweaters and scarves to keep warm in the winter. She was also known for her crusade against candy, constantly preaching the benefits of a healthy diet containing fruits and vegetables. Of her esteemed colleagues at Hogwarts, Mr Rakesh Bhaduri offered the following statement: “Tibbles was crazy, but in a good way, I guess.”

 

It is yet to be determined whether or not she has any surviving relatives, though rumors exist of a past romance between Prunella and former Headmaster of Hogwarts, Fytherly Undercliffe. Please contact the Daily Prophet by owl or mirror if you have any information.

 

Flowers can be sent to Hogwarts’ School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Funeral arrangements will be determined and details released by school staff at a later date.

Daily Prophet

Rats Out For Daycare Jobs

After months of suspicions over the standards of the Pre-Hogwarts Primary kitchens, reports have been received concerning the most recent, rather chatty pupils residing in the school’s cooking facilities.

The Office of Magical Health Inspection has been on record stating that “the issue had not been brought to their attention until very recently,” and that the office’s chief inspectors would be resolving the issue as soon as possible. However, the Prophet has been receiving news about the pests for months now, recalling in particular the complaints of the mother of one Delphine Dinkleberry, a student at the primary school who brought one of the rats home after claiming that its voice sounded just like her Uncle Rudolph’s.

“I wouldn’t let my daughter near cafeteria food to save my life,” the mother proclaimed firmly to reporters, surrounded by many of her peers. “Especially not when there’s vermin lying in wait quite literally asking my child to carry its diseases.”

Among the chief concerns regarding this case is how the rats started talking in the first place. Theories include but are not limited to a silencing potion gone wrong meant to be distributed by the current heads of staff at the school and the possibility that the infamous Master Yoshi of Muggle Ninja Turtle fame has finally released his offspring into the public community.

The Misses Blythe and McManus were unavailable for comment on the situation. As were the rats.

Daily Prophet

Riots "All in Good Fun," Fans Say

APPLEBY — Quidditch fans take note: if you’re looking for a spectacular game, a plethora of blood, and a good chance that you’ll come home with a broken nose, go to an Arrows v Wasps match. The statistics for Tuesday’s game between the long-time rivals were unprecedented, and we’re not talking about the score: By the end of the game, every player was injured (including every alternate), and there were a record number of spectator casualties–both from rabid fans and player intervention.

Whether the players intended to injure select audience members is of much debate. Arrows Chaser Amanda Overton’s rumoured ex-lover was reportedly in the crowd, which might have been the source of one particular quaffle chucked toward the crowd, though the rest were arguably in-game affairs. Overton and fellow Chaser Ryuichiro Takeda are known for their ridiculous throwing range, and when combined with teammate Baldwin Dumay, the trio is violently unstoppable, the pride of everyone from the Cumbria area (btw, the Jarkeni clan says hi).

Dubbed the “Bloody Brigade” by their fans, the trio is notorious for using quaffles illegally (ingeniously) as bludgers halfway between the passer and the recipient, adding an extra threat in cooperation with the Arrows’ beating team. Unfortunately for the Arrows’ legal team, this also translates into occasionally underestimating their strength and shooting the quaffle directly into the open arms (and face) of an unfortunate (or fortunate), dedicated fan.

Such incidents occurred no fewer than five separate times at Tuesday’s match, which resulted in a couple of riots amongst fans who were jealous of such special treatment. Wasps fans, who tried at first to pretend they were above it all, broke out into separate riots halfway through the match–or what we saw of it, anyhow. After the fifth hit proved to be no guarantee that the violence would dim down as the match progressed, Quidditch officials ended the game and partnered with local authourities to break everyone up and take statements. Ministry officials have been assured that the violence was simply “all in good fun,” according to one grinning fan with a loose tooth or two.

The fan continued on to imply that he only showed up to Quidditch matches for the fights, which, while ignorant at the concept of how amazing Quidditch is, is admirable. “It’s the thrill of the chase, no matter how you spin it,” the fan, who wishes to remain nameless, said. “I love not knowing what’s going to happen next with the chickens. Yodeling. Pancakes on a Pluto trombone. Wizengamot.” He then started mumbling other incoherent phrases, and was collected by a concerned/annoyed Mediwitch who tsked loudly at him.

The good-fun theory was reinforced by amiable pats-on-the-back by previously rioting folks. Ministry officials estimated about 4,000 galleons done in damage to the stadium, personnel, and guests.

Team captains have supposedly disciplined their teams to prevent further incidents,but Quidditch officials have banned the teams from playing each other until further notise. The game ended officially on a no-score draw, but everyone knows the Arrows would have won, anyway.

By Feige Jarkeni

Daily Prophet

Gringotts' Vaults Plundered!!!

In a shocking turn of events, a band of exceptionally skilled wizards broke into Gringotts last night. Minimal staff were on duty and were simultaneously knocked out by well-aimed stupefying charms. The thieves proceeded to swarm the underground vaults, equipped with magical explosives that allowed them to blow the vault doors into smithereens. It is unclear how many thieves were involved in the operation, but it was enough to overcome the various security measures Gringotts has traditionally implemented to protect their clients’ wealth, such as guard dragons.  By the time the authorities arrived on the scene, the thieves had disappeared into the night, leaving behind meagre scraps of evidence.

 

The damage inflicted upon the bank was severe and many families, including the Paddocks, Bagshots, Pomfreys, Yates and Lightwoods, had their vaults raided. The losses that were incurred by these individuals varied from one to the other. Some, unfortunately, had their entire vaults emptied. The victims of this crime were understandably frustrated, some taking it better than others.

 

The ancient vault of the Roux family was also broken into. Ministry of Magic employee Edward Roux only had this to say: “I will not rest until the perpetrator is caught.” He refused to answer any other questions on the matter. His wife, Rosalia Rovigatti, seemed unaffected by the loss and simply stated, “Some of us are smarter than to place our trust entirely in a system that has already proven vulnerable.”

 

The Goodfellows, in contrast, appear to take this in stride. Their losses were comparatively minor as their vault only had “a few galleons” and “a surprisingly large collection of enchanted muggle items”. When interviewed, Lionel Goodfellow mentioned that he would like his fellow wizards to be on the lookout for a pewter statue of his great great grandfather that responds to the name Gaius Goodfellow and a unicorn hair scarf, both prized family items.

 

Other victims reported feeling distressed about the increased difficulty in supporting their families. Among them is Vijay Toor, who said, “My eldest daughter just graduated from Hogwarts and we wanted to help her out. But now that our money has been taken by these blasted thieves, we’re all worried that she’ll struggle.” Another worried parent, Henry Stewart, had this to say: “I hope whoever is responsible for this is caught quickly and punished accordingly. My wife and I both worked very hard to earn this money and we have three kids to support.”

 

It is unknown how the Gringotts staff plan on dealing with this incident. When the paper attempted to approach the head goblin for his thoughts on the matter, he refused to comment, stating that any more revelations would impede investigations. His silence did not help in soothing the rest of the wizarding population as some of them are now proposing theories that threaten to besmirch Gringotts’ reputation. Could it possibly be an inside job? How in Merlin’s name did they manage to bypass all those security measures otherwise? Is this evidence that they’ve fallen behind other wizarding banks?

 

Watch out for more developments in future editions of the Daily Prophet!

Daily Prophet

Harpies Declare War with Infallible Reorganisation Strategy

The Holyhead Harpies have been on a losing streak since the beginning of the fall Quidditch season, possibly due to their newest addition as a Beater-Chaser swing, Kate Davies. They suffered a supremely embarrassing loss in their most recent game against the Falcons, bringing this season’s win-loss ratio to 5:1, but in the game against the Montrose Magpies they played last Thursday at the Hardson Stadium in Holyhead apparently meant pulling out all the stops.

The Harpies pulled a fast one at the Magpies game, switching up their players’ positions. Beaters Krystela Hextor and Stella Wanderer (and swing Davies) served as Chasers while Chasers Laila Froglegs and Gweneviere Hogstader served as Beaters. Keeper Cayden Harlow Murray was the only one who seemed to keep her position, but after a couple of hours Captain Hextor called a time-out and swapped herself out for Murray. Most notably was Chaser Lilia McEvans, who–though she had hardly ever played anything but Chaser in any other match prior to this one–was thrown in as Seeker.

At first, this reporter thought this move was remarkably stupid. But as the game went on and the Murray-Wanderer-Davies team shot goal after goal, this reporter was slightly more convinced that this was not stupidity: this was the first sign of genius that had arrived in the professional Quidditch world since the Plumpton Pass.

“It was a sort of reset,” explained Froglegs after the match, facing a stadium of tear-stained faces of diehard Harpies fans. “We’d been in a rut, and we pushed out of it, because we’re innovators. We’re thinkers in addition to athletes. We’re the foundation of brilliance, and the Magpies are sure not to forget it.”

Although the Magpies–in particular the Magnificent Chaser Duo consisting of Rose Weasley and Keira Paddock–managed to score a flurry of goals, consistently outscoring the Harpies right when the Harpies had taken the advantage, McEvans managed to snag the snitch at the last moment via Wronski Feint under the nose of an rather baffled (and possibly furious) Lellybelly Thanrion–ending the game 270-140 in an unexpected Harpies victory. Thanrion, who also plays for the England National Team, was not available for comment following the match.

“I thought it was the quaffle,” said McEvans.

Spoken like the words of a true warrior. McEvans tends to give off the airheaded appearance, but don’t let her dazed expressions fool you on the pitch. Her Seeking work was quite the stroke of genius coming from the Harpies, and it’s clear that this up-and-coming Seeker simply doesn’t care to share her secrets.

“What secrets?” said McEvans, with her signature stealthy baffled look, but this reporter knows better, and Quidditch fans ought to pick up on it, too. Certainly, the Magpies will learn not to underestimate this newfound Seeking genius.

 

By Feige Jarkeni

Daily Prophet

The Hunt for Rogue Santa

LONDON - Recent reports about a real life Santa have been crossing the desks of Accidental Magic Reversal Squad agents for the past week, with no sign of stopping anytime soon.

The first came several weeks ago, when an impersonator at Harrod’s managed to shoot a silent Instant Scalping Hex at the mother of a five-year-old muggle, who was heard muttering to the wizard in disguise that all he wanted was for his “Mummy to quit spending so much time on her hair in the mornings and make [him] a proper breakfast.” Mr. Claus had apparated from the scene before the AMRS and Obliviators arrived.

Since then, many other instances have sprouted across the city. A collector dressed in the red, white-trimmed garb was sighted shouting lewd comments about Rudolph the beloved reindeer and where exactly he could shove his nose before sending several Cheering Charms out into a crowd of nonmagical citizens waiting for the oncoming morning train. At a local drugstore, medications were replaced with expired Fizzing Whizbees, hospitalizing no less than three people. Those folk have since been cured at St. Mungo’s and had their memories appropriately modified, though the increase in attacks has left those on the case believing that there may be various copycat Rogue Santas added to the mix.

“It’s an obvious violation of the Statute of Secrecy, which is why we’re concerned,” said Nicholas Frost, the Squad-Man on the case. “The more we allow these Rogue Santa attacks to occur, the more the muggles might actually expect a miracle on Christmas. You can imagine the shock on some parents’ faces when they wake up to empty stockings and crying kids on Christmas morning.”

The Rogue Santa(s) could face up to twelve years in Azkaban for their exploits, though it’s uncertain if a partridge in a pear tree will be awaiting them upon their release.

If you have any information that could be of help regarding this case, please forward all owls to Level Three of the Ministry of Magic, or here to the Daily Prophet.

Daily Prophet

Hexing Hextor

The Quidditch world is on high alert. And I’m not talking about the ridiculous manner in which the Magpies have been taking the league by storm. Flattery O’Malley, custodian of St. Mungo’s, has confirmed that the Captain and Beater of the Holyhead Harpies, Krystela Hextor was admitted under suspicious circumstances late last night.

“She was conscious and clinging to her beater’s bat. I wasn’t in the room, but the word around St. Mungo’s is that she was declaring her love for the thing! With her husband standing right there! Can you imagine?” O’Malley was the only member of the staff willing to comment but a trip to the Ministry of Magic was able to answer a few more questions.

It seemed that the Magical Law Enforcement Squad had brought in an unruly Billy Jenkins, 54, of Hamstead Heath. This isn’t Jenkins first brush with the law. Just five years ago he was brought in under suspicion of tainting a local muggle watering hole with illy prepared potions. It seems he may have been up to the same shenanigans.

If you’ve ever seen the team of witches on the pitch in the heat of the match, then you know how very feisty their lot can be. The entirety of the Harpies was waiting for “their turn,” to ask Jenkins a few questions. If you ask me, he would fair better to be set loose in a tank of grindylow.

But from what I can gather, Jenkins snuck into a normally heavy guarded practice wearing a quite humorous get-up. A frumpy old spinster’s dress, heels, a handbag and a dusty gray wig. In fact the only thing that he has admitted to the authority’s thus far is that, “m’ girdle keeps ridin’ up. Can’t I visit the ladies’ room?” Obviously the man is a bit touched in the head.

Sources say he was tossing amortentia laced bonbons up in the air. It is not yet confirmed whether or not Hextor fell victim to his no doubt rancid loved potion. As of right now, it seems that Wanderer may have to come off reserves to fill in for the next match.

One can only imagine how Hextor’s many, many children are taking this sudden occurrence. Particularly the three that are now attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  Bless their little hearts.

Daily Prophet

Your Guide to the Stars

PHOENIX
23 Dec - 9 Jan
Do not let yourself be overwhelmed by stress, there is still time to achieve what you set out to do. Take advantage of your innate stubbornness and you will see it through. Similar to the Augurey, while distractions are needed as well be chary of which ones are worthy of your devotion.

YETI
10 Jan – 18 Mar*
It has never been a better time to leash your tongue than today, or else you may just blow down the house of cards you have so determinately constructed. It will see you through in your love life.

LEAPING TOADSTOOL
29 Feb
You’re convinced that you will neither advance in love or at work but if you let go of your conviction and realise that the planet continues to spin – no day can be taken back –you will advance in at least one of the two.

MOKE
19 Mar – 21 Mar
Ever heard of the saying ‘Unlucky at cards, lucky in love’? Lottery ticket purchases aren’t advisable but go talk to that crush of yours.

FAIRY
22 Mar – 20 Apr
There is beauty even in decaying leaves. Not all comments are critiques so like the Yeti, keep a leash on your tongue and control your moody temper until you calmly process the spoken words. Hindsight won’t mend all your hurt relationships.

AUGUREY
21 Apr – 22 May
Something you had planned for the day will be cancelled but you’ll be quick to fill the gap in your schedule. Just remember that it has merely been postponed and work still awaits you in the future. It is essentially better to do it now than later.

AETHONAN
23 May – 30 Jun
You are taking up space when there isn’t any; don’t spread out your wings just yet. While it is good that your eyes are set on the skies you better make realistic plans in the small time frame that you have if you want to achieve anything worthwhile.

PLEIAD
1 Jul – 31 Jul
Hold steadfast onto your beliefs and good things will come to you. Just remember to keep a calm demeanour despite the copious annoyances that you will encounter today.

SALAMANDER
1 Aug – 20 Sep
It’s been hard, I know, but your patience has finally paid off. Like the Pleiad, keep a calm demeanour but unlike them you will not battle copious annoyances, but yourself. Don’t let your victory get over your head.

MOKE
21 Sep – 24 Sep
Ever heard of the saying ‘A loser in love in gambling wins’? Today, this is true for you and it might be high time to buy a lottery ticket, but don’t over-do it or you will be a loser in both. Also minimize your interaction with any Moke born as the month wanes.

STREELER
25 Sep – 13 Nov
The well-deserved appreciation in the workplace hasn’t been shown to you and it’s due time you ask for the respect that you deserve. However don’t be disrespectful about it.

HINKYPUNK
14 Nov – 21 Nov
You’ll finally be able to taste the fruits of your labour. You will inspire those around you to follow in the same suit and spark some of your ambition into them. Relax today and enjoy that long postponed night out with your Salamander friend.

GLUMBUMBLE
22 Nov – 22 Dec
While your mood might not be at its peak do not neglect your responsibilities, you’ll just prescribe yourself unremitting headache in times to come, and if you choose to ignore that headache there will be one nice giant wall up ahead the road for you to slam into.

 

* Excluding 29 Feb

 

By Dione Odhar

Daily Prophet

Nothing but a Try-Hard?

Taking illegal magic carpet rides, dancing with mooncalves, and inspiring rebellion among teenagers; these might sound like the warning signs of an out of control star. In truth, that was only the beginning. Since hitting the music scene only a year ago, tweeny bopper ma&a (AKA The Artist Formerly Known as Who Even Cares) has gone from down-to-earth to all-out and extreme. She has shocked the nation and world.

The drastic makeovers, including the occasional self-transfigurations, have been called edgy and over the top, but we all love to see a young star exploring their style and identity. What we never expected was the sudden escalation over the past few weeks leading up to the stars greatly anticipated Christmas release. With the announcement of her engagement to none other than a river troll, the wizarding world has been left dazed and confused.

To make matters even more controversial, rumor has it that it won’t last. The current record for shortest celebrity marriage, a whopping 3 days and 5.7 minutes, has lasted over the past fifteen years. Many doubt ma&a will last 1 day in what is clearly an attention-grab.

Frankly, ma&a’s outrageous stunts reek of desperation. Let it be said that she is trying much too hard, walking on thin ice for publicity. No one wants their fifteen seconds of fame to end, and she obviously wants a permanent spot in the limelight. There’s no such thing as bad publicity, as the saying goes, but there comes a time when stars like ma&a need to take a step back and think of all the teens following in her footsteps.

But is she really responsible for their choices, when being scorned by the older generation is still better than being a nobody? Should it be any cause for a witch hunt, when her only crimes are bizarre taste and recklessness? It might not be fair to blame her, but she definitely should step it up. Magic carpet rides are so thirty years ago.

By Talia Ayers

Daily Prophet

Tragedy at the Hands of Healers

Less than twenty-four hours ago, tragedy struck Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizadry.

An anonymous source has revealed that last night, very suddenly, a student at the once prestigious school passed away. A child. A sweet, innocent thing who didn’t even make it to their Ordinary Wizarding Level Examinations inhaled their last, shuddering breath behind walls that are supposed to be a sanctuary, and why? Because of the incompetent fools who have been allowed to let their tyranny suffocate the minds of our youth for the past decade.

Despite the Ministry’s best efforts to get a handle on the Spattergroit Epidemic that has plagued the castle for months, the disease has been allowed to persist. Anonymous sources say that Aurora Braelin-VonHaus, Hogwarts’s resident healer, has trumped every attempt made by St. Mungo’s healers Edmund Caverly and Duncan Cunningham to correct the situation. When asked, students claimed that all that was done to check their health was “a bit of poking and prodding,” and that anyone who appeared ill was quarantined for one week before they were released again. The approximate recovery time for even the mildest case of spattergroit is three weeks. Any other attempts made by the Ministry-appointed professionals was met by irate screaming that could be heard from classes two floors below the Hospital Wing, anonymous sources say.

Braelin-VonHaus has been employed at the school since September of 2024, and in the near decade she has been allowed to practice, the health and safety of students has snowballed into a chaotic, almost war-like atmosphere in which students have to scream to be heard if they are feeling unwell.

And now a child has died at her hands.

If we cannot be certain that our children are safe at school, then what can we be certain of? If Headmaster Arthur Weasley cannot see that the quality of his staff has fallen from grace and into a vortex of fatal consequences, then what’s to say that it will stop at one death? As long as Aurora Braelin-VonHaus is in charge of the wellbeing of our children, death is an ever-present possibility. And it is a possibility that the wizarding community of Britain should not sit idly by and accept.

From the Prophet, the Ministry, and a reporter who goes home to small children every day, we ask that you keep the fallen child in your thoughts as we work to uncover more of the story.

Daily Prophet

99 PROBLEMS, BUT WEASLEY'S NO LONGER ONE

The Prophet has just received news that there is a new Headmistress roaming the halls of Hogwarts.

That’s right, readers. Arthur Weasley, who has maintained the position of Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for over twenty years, has been deemed unfit to maintain his post and as such was fired on the morning of 31 August. The jaded Second Wizarding War hero has been cited in the past for his gross negligence of the safety of students, as well as his incapability of communicating appropriately with the Governors of the School Board. Margo Ward’s death, bringing with it the complaints of parents across the country, seems to be the straw that broke the hippogriff’s back.

We are proud to inform the wizards of the United Kingdom, however, that the Board of Governors have finally gotten something right, and that Weasley’s replacement is poised to put the education back in Hogwarts.

Arnaude Flamel, former Slytherin at Hogwarts and decorated alchemist, boasts achievements near and far. The twelve-times great niece of the esteemed Nicolas Flamel is well-known for her wide variety of accomplishments, including her discovery of the six uses of unicorn blood, her studies of catalytic reactions among beasts to various elixirs, and her Daily Prophet Bestseller When The Goat is Not Enough, a compendium of poisons that cannot be cured by a bezoar. Most importantly, however, are her unrelenting attempts to recreate the philosopher’s stone. Though she has yet to be successful, the woman’s ambition and the fact that she’s come the closest to breaking her ancestor’s secret proves what an incredible inspiration she is to us all – particularly to the youth of Hogwarts who are so desperate for a competent leader during these troubled times.

After the disastrous reigns of Albus Dumbledore (may his soul rest in peace) and Arthur Weasley, Hogwarts deserves a compassionate soul like Mistress Flamel. Someone with a deeply-rooted concern for the education and above all the safety of British wizarding children. Someone who will hire professionals with the credentials necessary to heal and care for the youth of our world. Someone who will not allow the monsters of nightmares to give adolescents a reason to shake in their beds at night.

Headmistress Flamel has a reputation for correcting and advancing the areas of study and politics that are placed in her path with the utmost efficiency, and is known for her awe-inspiring ability to motivate colleagues to achieve their ultimate potential. The Governors should be commended for their choice in Headmistress; under Flamel’s influence, Hogwarts has a potential to grow and move forward from its tragic past.

The Prophet will certainly be here to report it all.

Daily Prophet

Floundering Geniuses Under Scrutiny

The wizarding world has plunged into an era of magical innovation and invention. With talented wizards making strides in new magical theories and traversing new frontiers, a prosperous age may be just on the horizon or so we think. Dissent in various academic circles, however, is now on the rise. Recent developments, such as Guildenstern’s proposed uses of dragon blood and the rare darinyx flower, have faced many accusations of fraud. Many have made demands for S.J.K.T.W. awards to be revoked. Others demand increased transparency when it comes to the “evidence” that supposedly supports new discoveries.


Transparency is a reasonable demand. That some of the researchers who have come under fire struggle to account for their work in this difficult time only serves to further fuel suspicions. But accusations may be false; it all may boil down to misunderstandings and inaccessibility.


“For all we know, it’s all a bunch of gibberish,” one disgruntled citizen said, and they may not be entirely wrong. “Maybe it’s all lies.” If it’s not a conspiracy, prove them wrong!

As the issue spins out of control, however, it may not matter where it all began. If magical civilization is to advance, it cannot be held down by petty conflicts that threaten to fracture communities. There must be higher expectations and higher standards that apply to all, or else charlatans may ruin it all. If there is to be some “Golden Age” in the twentieth century, these threats and shortcomings must be taken seriously.

By Talia Ayers

Daily Prophet

Outraged Voices Cry Out

We asked for your words, and you delivered–literally. The following are letters the Daily Prophet has received from a wide array of parents. Mothers, fathers, grandparents, muggles, half-bloods and purebloods alike have written in with their views. While some people are still blinded by the Headmaster’s schemes, it is resoundingly clear that the majority of our children’s guardians are not happy with the lack of safety that Hogwarts delivers. Here is what you, the readers, had to say:

________________________________________

Time to close Hogwarts?

Hogwarts reopened twenty-nine years ago and there have been four student deaths and countless attacks that terrorize the survivors. Let’s not even get started on the staff deaths either. I personally thought they should have shut down Hogwarts after Miss Colubra (RIP) was murdered in cold blood by the Dark Lord himself in the third year but no, stupidity prevailed and more students were forced to endure terror the next year as it appears that nobody at Hogwarts knows how to secure the grounds and the Death Eaters returned.

Then they came back again for the next few years then every other year since then. Didn’t they learn anything from that? I had hoped for the best when Wigglesworth (incompetent!) passed away and was replaced by Weasley. But of course not, the Death Eaters decided to stop by Hogwarts to have a good time at the annual ball in his first year and shockingly, he kept his job as Headmaster.

There have been too many tragedies and this latest one is completely unacceptable. The death of a young girl could have been prevented by having competent people in charge who wouldn’t have allowed two vicious beasts to attend the school, let alone make one of them Head Girl. Someone competent would have ensured that the beasts took their Wolfsbane. Every figure of authority at Hogwarts and the Ministry should be ashamed of what happened in June.

I do wonder if this would all have happened if the deputy Headmaster Gawkrodger hadn’t taken a year off. Would have he stood up to the tyranny of Weasley and ensured that the staff did their job?

I personally think that it’s time to quit trying to make Hogwarts work and close the school. My grandchildren will all be attending Durmstrang because I know they take the safety of students seriously there. I will get to see them graduate as proper young adults instead of laying flowers on their graves or seeing them traumatized by the horrors that go on at Hogwarts.

Why do loving parents willingly ship off their beloved children to a hellhole like Hogwarts?

It’s time for something to change.

ANONYMOUS

________________________________________

Dear Mr. Cuffe,

I am completely disgusted by the articles that you have been publishing regarding the events that happened at Hogwarts last year. To put the blame on Headmaster Weasley and Madam Braelin-VonHaus is completely ludicrous. Who you really need to blame for the incidents at the castle is not the werewolves, (who, I may point out, were completely harmless for seven years before this incident) but the ones at the heart of this attack. Have you not interviewed anyone who was at the school during this awful time?

Because trust me, if you cared to research more, you would find that it wasn’t just the werewolves in the school that ran rampant, it was normal students as well, influenced by dark magic of some sort. Just ask any student at Hogwarts at the time. So why aren’t you looking at that? Why aren’t you finding the REAL culprits who committed such treacherous acts upon mere children? Blaming adults who only do their best to protect the students is going to get us nowhere. I beg you and the wizarding world as a whole to ask the question that needs to be asked: who is really at fault here? Because it’s not the students who went crazy, nor the werewolves, nor Headmaster Weasley or any of the other staff at Hogwarts.

Be a real reporter and do some real research, please.

Signed,

Bernadette Stanislaus

________________________________________

Dear Mr. Cuffe,

I am writing to you as a concerned parent. I am what you would call a muggle. I possess no magical ability and was born and raised believing that magic did not exist. It was almost two years ago exactly that a witch from the Ministry of Magic arrived on my doorstep and informed me otherwise. I was told that my only daughter was special, that she possessed a magical gift that neither I nor anyone else in my world could begin to understand. I was told that there was a school for people like her to learn and grow. I was very skeptical at first, but there had been incidents I witnessed at my daughter’s hand that caused me to trust in the woman at my door and her unusual assertions.

I chose to trust that woman and I was very wrong.

I was told by the people in charge that my daughter would be safe at Hogwarts. It is very hard to part with your child, but it is even harder to send them off into another world that you have no knowledge of. I kept up with the strange letter system, checking in with my daughter nearly every other day, and I chose to subscribe to your newspaper with hopes that you could keep me connected to her world.

I’m completely outraged to hear about the recent death of Margo Ward and the circumstances surrounding her death. The attacks that took place on the school not only killed a student, but they directly involved my daughter. I can’t help but fear that it could’ve easily been her who had lost her life and empathize with the parents of the girl. She was so young and deserved to have many many years ahead of her.

I’m outraged to hear that no action has been taken against Arthur Weasley, Headmaster of Hogwarts, and have grave reservations about my daughter returning to school in the fall. I demand that the people in charge of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy be held accountable for this grave lack in security! Specifically, Headmaster Arthur Weasley should put in his immediate resignation.

With greatest concern,

Theodore A. Kaligaris

________________________________________

To the Daily Prophet-

I am not a witch. Perhaps that gives me less of a voice within my husband’s community–certainly, as a Muggle, I find myself continually sheltered from many of the goings-on in the Wizarding world. But I am an avid reader of the Prophet simply because my daughter is a witch. She attends Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry: therefore I feel the need to make my voice be heard, not as an anonymous Muggle bystander but as a concerned–no, terrified parent.

My daughter will not be returning to Hogwarts in September. I am not only disgusted with the slipshod management of the school but also the gross misconduct from Headmaster Weasley and the staff. A child was horrifically murdered by a savage, wild animal, at the very school that is supposedly protected from harm.

I was assured multiple times that my daughter would be safe at Hogwarts. Against my better judgment I allowed her to attend the plague-ridden, werewolf-infested school, and now I must pay for that decision with regret. When the attacks occurred, I was not contacted by the school to let me know that my child was safe. I heard nothing from any Ministry Official or Hogwarts faculty. Instead, I had to pick up my morning paper and read in the news headlines that a child had been murdered in the very same place that my daughter sleeps.

Headmaster Weasley and all of the Hogwarts Staff has to answer for the attacks, and I hold them all personally responsible for the death of that young girl. As a mother and a wife, I cannot in good conscience allow my daughter to set foot back in that dangerous castle.

Readers of the Daily Prophet, I urge you to do the same. To many I am a discredited voice, because of my non-magical upbringing, but if you find my words unpalatable, simply look at the abhorrent actions of the Hogwarts staff. That, more than anything, should convince you.

Keep your children home. Keep your children safe.

Sincerely,

Agatha Whitaker

Daily Prophet

Ding Dong, the Death Eater's Dead!

At long last, the Daily Prophet has heard the official news: Duncan Cunningham, the Death Eater arrested and suspected of tampering with the sanity of students at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was found dead several yards from his cell last month.

Reports say that Daniel Pechman, the auror on duty at the time of Cunningham’s death, was found on the scene just steps away from the deceased’s body. After a weighing of Pechman’s wand, it was found that a Killing Curse as well as a memory modification charm had been used within an hour of the estimated time of murder. Authorities have taken the former auror into custody for questioning. Neither the accused nor his lawyers have been available for comment.

Along with Pechman, auror Hollis Keen bore witness to the breach in security. Anonymous sources reveal that the memory modification charm found on Pechman’s wand was possibly performed on Keen after the crime was committed. Keen was questioned, but no further action was taken and she has since been released. Keen is an upstanding, decorated auror who has been heavily involved in the investigations regarding the attacks on Hogwarts at the end of the last school year, and will continue to do so as the Ministry works to unravel the truth and motivation behind Duncan Cunningham’s untimely demise.

More information on Pechman’s hearing to follow as the Prophet discovers more about this heinous act.

Daily Prophet

Ruby Lee's Magical Mysteries: Poltergeists

Dear Ruby,
How does one become a poltergeist?
- Mischievous, Leeds

 

Hi Mischievous,

 

Short answer: you can’t, so you’ll have to satisfy your desire for chaos before you die.


Long answer: poltergeists aren’t ghosts! This is one of those cases where we have something waddling, quacking and suspiciously duck-shaped but it definitely is not a duck. Poltergeists were never living humans; they’re amortal spirits of chaos tied to specific locations. We call them “non-beings”, along with boggarts and dementors, and unlike ghosts they can both affect and be affected by the physical world and are also vulnerable to many of the same spells as other not-dead things.

 

We don’t really know what causes the birth of a poltergeist, although many theorise it’s simply due to a lot of chaotic energy localised in one area. There is some work ongoing now in Germany where researchers are attempting to intentionally recreate different kinds of chaos in different areas to see if we can predict where a poltergeist will be born. Their next experiment will probably be in seeing if they can get rid of them…

 

Yours, Ruby <3

Daily Prophet

Hogwarts School Board Says Enough is Enough

SCOTLAND—As the recently developed strain of spattergroit runs rampant through the halls of Hogwarts, parents are forced to ask themselves: are our children safe anymore?

Sources confirm that the highly contagious disease has been allowed to spread among students at an exponential rate, contaminating at least 15% of the student population in two short months. The illness causes the skin to break out in purple pustules that heal over into hideous scars and often results in months of bedrest and occasionally death. The number of infected continues to rise daily, and as Headmaster Arthur Weasley, former Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office and known veteran of Second Wizarding War, continues to turn a blind eye on the situation, parents, the Prophet, and above all the Hogwarts School Board of Governors have been forced to ask the questions that no one else has dared to as the plague has grown worse.

“Does Weasley truly care about the welfare of the students or is he just interested in pushing his liberal agenda?” asks Alaric Montague, the dashing frontman for the Governors. “It’s as if he wants the children to be infected through his lack of action. So typical of him and his ilk to be paralyzed by ineptitude.”

Montague, one of the primary sources of funding for the prestigious school of witchcraft and wizardry, has been known to frequently voice his distaste for the current Headmaster. His doubts about Weasley’s ability to facilitate a positive learning environment for the United Kingdom’s most gifted students has begun to reach a crescendo as he asks to know “EXACTLY what steps Weasley plans to take to ensure the safety of our children” and continues to be answered with silence.

We kindly advise all parents to send a letter to their students to ensure the stability of their health, as it is believed that the Hospital Wing Staff at Hogwarts has been prohibited from releasing owls about the situation themselves.

If you have any information that could be of help regarding this case, please forward all owls to the Daily Prophet.