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Wizarding Britain's number one source for news and information since 1743.

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Daily Prophet

Death Eaters No More?

In the wake of a lethal Death Eater attack on Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and the nearby village of Hogsmeade, the Department of Magical Law Enforcement is calling for celebration.


On October 4 a group of Death Eaters conducted a two-pronged attack in the Scottish Highlands causing immense property damage in Hogsmeade and injuring numerous Hogwarts students. Lucretia Sheffield, a veteran auror and mother of one, has been named as a casualty.


Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Dorian Metcalfe, calls the weekend a victory in spite of the cost.


"In addition to those aurors were forced to kill to prevent further harm, several Death Eaters were successfully apprehended and taken into custody. While the department mourns the loss of an auror and feels for her family, we are also aware this is the potentially the greatest victory we have seen over these violent forces in many years."


According to Ms Metcalfe, these arrests may be the key to dismantling the Death Eater organisation, which has been terrorising the wizarding community for decades. Other sources claim the majority of Death Eaters were neutralised in this encounter and this is already the end of the Death Eaters, but Ms Metcalfe declined to comment.


Donations for the family of Lucretia Sheffield can be mailed directly to the Auror Office in London.

Daily Prophet

Unicorn Born, Joins Puppy Siblings for First Steps

Staff at the Berkshire Magical Wildlife Sanctuary are pleased to announce their newest arrival, born just moments after sunrise on New Year's Day. Winky, the eldest and certainly proudest female unicorn on the grounds, has given birth to a gorgeous silver-haired foal weighing in at a whopping 116 kg. The foal's name was chosen through a public poll released last May, granting this unicorn baby the name of Starfire Glitterbelly (with Unicorn McUnicornface coming in close second and Dude-icorn taking third place). Berkshire states that further name choices will be made internally, but are thrilled with the amount of participation the poll received.


Sources from the highly respected free roam reserve say the birth was a beautiful sight, made all the better by a bright rainbow hovering overhead throughout the event. Also joining Starfire's debut were his six young canine siblings, who ran and played happily beside the foal as he took a step for the first time. Staff explains that the puppies suddenly appeared on the grounds weeks ago and began following Winky around as if she were their caretaker. Winky soon began returning their nuzzles and the odd family has been inseparable ever since.


Berkshire invites everyone to pay a visit to see Winky, Starfire, and the puppies this weekend, and encourages all to bring a galleon or two for donation! Sources say it'll be worth it, and collectively go, "Aww!"

Daily Prophet

Mass Murder Suspect Captured

Aurors have taken into custody Blaise Zabini in relation to a gruesome set of mass murders committed earlier this morning. Details of the murders will not been released to the general public until the victims’ families have been notified, but the death count is anticipated to be high. One witness to the aftermath stated that, “… [Some of the] bodies were unrecognizable. It was gruesome, the byproduct of a mad man.” Aurors were not directly available for comment.

Zabini, a lawyer, has represented over the years several high-profile suspected criminals. His victories in the courtroom outweigh his defeats, leading one frequent rival to suggest underhanded play. There is no proof to support this theory, though his connections within the wizarding world are impossible to deny.

A close friend, Alaric Montague, owner of several exclusive clubs throughout England, was made available for comment following news of his friend’s arrest and subsequent incarceration. His hurt and confusion are evident within the shockingly blue orbs that sit upon prominent cheekbones, blond tresses creating a halo-effect about his angelic face, as he, obviously overwhelmed by emotion, manages a short statement. “Blaise was a long-time friend and confidant. I am shocked by these allegations and hope that, while the facts support the conclusions made by the Aurors, this is somehow one massive misunderstanding.”

Zabini is being held in Azkaban where he will await his trial. It is so far unclear as to what may have prompted his actions. Attempts to question Zabini have turned up no evidence and reports are that he appears to have, “… Completely lost it, ranting and raving about nothing inparticular.” One source claimed, with exasperation, that questioning turned into Zabini displaying his knowledge of the alphabet song. The defense may be hoping to use insanity as a defense and an associate of Zabini’s, who will remain nameless for posterity sake, suggested that, “… [Zabini] may be faking, playing up the idea of a lunatic to escape punishment.” Another coworker was overheard saying that, “He was always mixed up with the bad sorts. It’s no surprise he offed those people. Guilty by association.”

All that can be known for certain is that Zabini is being held in Azkaban and will remain there until his trial. There are no other suspects at this time.

Daily Prophet

Parents for Progress Push for Change

Parents' groups and education advocates are calling for major reforms to safety procedures at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in the wake of another devastating Death Eater attack.


Headmistress Arnaude Flamel was brought in four years ago and is generally considered to have improved safety and security at the school. However, the attack in early October, in which children were severely injured and an auror was killed on school grounds, has led to claims that her security record is based purely on coincidence.


Founder of advocacy group Parents For Progress, Mallory Selwyn, claims Flamel's tenure has actually harmed students, rather than protecting them.


"When our schools lock up students in the name of sheltering them they become little more than jails. A child cannot learn in an environment of constant fear, whether it be of punishment or external attack, and they cannot learn to care for themselves in the wider community if they have been cloistered away in an environment which would sacrifice education, freedom and progress for a hollow sense of security."


Parents for Progress has been an outspoken critic of the Hogwarts Board of Governors, Arnaude Flamel and prior head Arthur Weasley, but formerly supportive groups such as Families Protecting True Magic and the Mandatory Registration Movement have also publicly expressed concerns about the headmistress' ability to live up expectations.


In an official statement the Hogwarts Board of Governors has announced that it supports its administration team and has no current plans to remove any staff. Independent sources claim that at least one member of the board is scouting candidates to replace both the headmistress and deputy headmaster.




Have something to say? Comments on Daily Prophet articles should take the form of letters to the paper, or at the very least be a short roleplay of your character's reaction after reading the article. They should be written IC as either your character or an NPC close to them, such as a parent. Any comment deemed inappropriate will be removed.

Daily Prophet

Anti-Muggleborn Posters Found in Hogsmeade

HOGSMEADE--As students head to Hogsmeade for their first weekend in the town of the year, reports of posters with anti-muggleborn messages have surfaced. The posters, which residents first noticed early morning Thursday on the block near Madame Puddifoot's, bear an ominous message that students who are not of pureblood heritage will be barred from returning to Hogwarts, and includes an address for both students, and local muggleborn residents, to turn in their wands. The posters are signed by the Skull and Bones Society, which Magical Law Enforcement Department insiders claim is a reference to the Dark Mark that Voldemort's followers marked themselves with.


Hogsmeade officials that were reached for comment urged the public to remain calm, and refused to speculate on whether the posters were a malicious prank or a warning from an anti-muggleborn group. They added that the Hogsmeade weekends that occur regularly throughout the school year would go on according to schedule.





Have something to say? Comments on Daily Prophet articles should take the form of letters to the paper, or at the very least be a short roleplay of your character's reaction after reading the article. They should be written IC as either your character or an NPC close to them, such as a parent. Any comment deemed inappropriate will be removed.

Daily Prophet

Shackling: Is Flamel Pushing the Limits?

The current commander-in-chief at Hogwarts, Headmistress Arnaude Flamel, has done well to ensure the safety of her students from outside forces, but who’s protecting the students from internal threats? Since Flamel has stepped into power at Hogwarts, rumours have been floating about regarding the nature of her disciplinary methods. Shackling, what many students and parents originally thought to be a scare tactic to keep the children in line, have become a real, tangible, and archaically cruel punishment at Hogwarts.


At the end of the school year, three third year girls were caught sneaking into Flamel’s office on a dare. As punishment, they were shackled to the ceilings of the Great Hall, publicly humiliated in front of their peers and made out as examples for the rest of the day. The shackles were additionally charmed to burn their wrists if they moved too much.


This type of corporal punishment, popular back in the 1800s, seems outdated in today’s modern world. “I can’t even begin to describe what kind of damages a corporal punishment of this size does to a child’s psyche,” Rose Willoughby, healer, child psychologist, and author of The Delicate Magical Mind, lamented during a sit-down interview with me. “Even the muggles know better. It really begs the question which society, magical or muggle, is more advanced if this type of punishment is deemed acceptable at Hogwarts.”


We were lucky enough to get in contact with one of the aforementioned girls’ mother, who will be kept anonymous for her child’s safety. She was, predictably, outraged when she heard the news: “She claims to care about the welfare of our children, but how good can her security be if three thirteen-year-old girls are capable of breaching it? These barbaric punishments have nothing to do with protecting our children and everything to do with distracting us from the key issue: what is Flamel hiding that those girls accidentally stumbled into? The whole thing stinks of a cover up. I, for one, will be in contact with the board of governors and I urge every Hogwarts parent to do the same.” Unfortunately, this is not the first shackling since Flamel’s promotion, only the first that has reach our ears. Perhaps your child has already been shackled once and has been too scared to tell you. Then again, how much do we really know about what goes on at Hogwarts these days?


The Daily Prophet has previously celebrated the achievements of Headmistress Flamel. While we do commend her on maintaining the safety of our children, we are also committed to reporting the truth. The truth is your child could be the next to be shackled to the ceilings of the Great Hall. The new school year is fast approaching, so as you send your child off for another riveting year at Hogwarts, remember this: While we can rest well knowing our children are safe from Death Eaters and other outside threats at Hogwarts, who will keep them safe from the heartless hands of Headmistress Flamel?

Daily Prophet

Flamel Flees Failing Faculty

Headmistress Arnaude Flamel has departed from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in what the school's board of governors is calling "a mutual decision", in spite of claims she was fired for performance issues.


Flamel's tenure at the leading magical school was plagued with minor controversy, but only the most recent Death Eater attack on the facility resulted in significant pressure on the school board to end her employment. A well-known and accomplished potioneer, Flamel was brought in to improve the safety record at Hogwarts, but critics say danger to students only increased under her administration. Some claim she was even personally connected to key figures in the latest attack and that the school must revisit what appears to be a policy of hiring or promoting only those from old pureblood families into leadership positions.


Arnaude Flamel declined an interview with this paper but released a short statement asserting that she "is making a mutually agreeable move to focus on [her] personal research and work for publication, leaving the tutelage of future generations to rest, as it should, with those who possess a true passion for education." However, sources close to her say she was preparing for another school year as recently as one week ago.


No replacement has been appointed for the position. The board intends to take its time searching for an appropriate candidate, and the existing Deputy Headmaster, Theobald Gawkrodger, will act as an interim head during this period. Purity discrimination groups have been quick to point out this is yet another Head of School from an established pureblood family, but the education and parent advocates who were Flamel's most vocal opponents are cautiously satisfied.


A spokesperson for education reform group Growing Fruitful Futures said "GFF is happy to see Arnaude Flamel replaced with an educator who has given Hogwarts a fifteen year commitment. We hope the permanent appointment will reflect the same attention to experience which is relevant to pedagogy and school administration, not just magical research, and are optimistic about the future of Hogwarts as a premier educational facility."

Daily Prophet

Missing Auror Found Catatonic

Hollis Keen, a 20-year veteran of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement who disappeared over a year ago, was found unresponsive on the shore of River Tweed near Birgham, Scotland. Authorities have not disclosed whether the Auror was working on a case at the time of her disappearance. Harry Potter, Head of the Auror Department, declined to make further comments.


Ms. Keen’s mother, Audrey Keen, released a statement this morning: “Mr. Potter’s treatment of my daughter’s case appalls me. Aurors risk their lives every day for the good of everyone, and as their leader, Mr. Potter should have better measures to protect his staff rather than nontransparent ones to shield his reputation and political aspirations. This also applies to our Minister for Magic, who continued to cut funds over the years even as crimes rose. If the failed break-in at Hogwarts last year is any indication, it’s that our Aurors on the ground could be even more successful with additional resources, all of which is too late for my Hollis.”


Keen was admitted to the Janus Thickey Ward at St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. A source indicated that her condition is stable.


Mr. and Mrs. Keen have released a reward notice of 500 galleons for productive tips regarding their daughter’s former disappearance. This joins their 17-year-old reward notice for information regarding their son Amias Keen’s murder during his tenure as an Auror.




Have something to say? Comments on Daily Prophet articles should take the form of letters to the paper, or at the very least be a short roleplay of your character's reaction after reading the article. They should be written IC as either your character or an NPC close to them, such as a parent. Any comment deemed inappropriate will be removed.

Daily Prophet

Auror Department to Receive First Budget Increase in Two Decades

Although the wizarding world has seen its fair share of ups and downs over the past twenty-five years, there has been a constant through it all: The Auror Department budget.

Twenty-five years ago, a string of disappearances rocked the wizarding community, and immense pressure was put on the Auror department by the Minister of Magic to put an end to these crimes and catch the culprits responsible for the kidnappings of distinguished wizards; pressure from the very same Minister of Magic who had announced budget cuts earlier that month. 


Harry Potter once commented that he felt as though ‘his hands were tied’ in regards to his ranks being spread so thin. “I wish I had enough Aurors to patrol Hogsmeade and Hogwarts, but it’s just not within the budget,” he'd said. 


Well, it looks like his prayers have been answered over two decades later. The Auror department has received a budget increase as announced by the Ministry this month, allowing Potter to hire and train new Aurors, with the purpose of protecting our community more than ever before. This will certainly help as they continue tracking down any of the remaining Death Eaters known to have escaped from the Battle of Hogsmeade and the infiltration of Hogwarts just over two years ago. The group is rumored to have been disbanded, but experts are certain there are stragglers out there biding their time, and Potter's regime will be ready. 


There has also been buzz about the Auror Office's revamping of the Werewolf Capture Unit. This unit, tasked with the capture of werewolves deemed to be a threat, has always been handled by the Beast Division (and dreadfully under-funded in the past), however, Beast Division Head, Casseus Cronus, is said to have been approached by Potter weeks ago for his cooperation in bulking the ranks and up-training its current members with Auror specialization. It is unknown whether this is an attempt to calm the thousands of witches and wizards who still owl in about their anger surrounding the catastrophe at Hogwarts with the Ward family, but some believe it is a necessity regardless. Neither Cronus or Potter were able to be reached for comment.


No matter the reason, the Ministry of Magic cannot put the public safety at risk any longer. More patrols have been promised to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and the neighboring villiage, Hogsmeade. Godric’s Hollow and other wizarding villages should also see an increase in undercover patrols. The general budget for the rest of the Magical Law Enforcement departments remain unchanged for now. 

Daily Prophet

Dark Lord Defeated: A New Era Begins

28 December 2011


On the 26th of December, as most of us slept off bloated bellies, tiny groups of men and women across the country, wands in hand, were sneaked into the grounds of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The Ministry of Magic is delighted to report that after a reign lasting almost since the very defeat of Lord Voldemort, the ‘new’ Dark Lord has at last met his death.

It is true - peace has come at last, though ministry representatives, including recently appointed Minister of Magic, Abelard Clagge, warn that despite his death, we must not be too ready to drop our guards entirely. “After all,” says Clagge, “While Death Eaters and darkness yet exist, there is even still a threat. We cannot know for certain when a Dark Lord will next arise.”


And indeed, the Death Eaters do still exist. Official reports state that grave injuries were sustained on both sides, and deaths were plentiful (though exact figures, due to the nature of said deaths, are uncertain at this time) - despite the certain grievous battle, some Death Eaters did escape. Some are said to have apparated away once the trap was apparent - others snatching the opportunity to apparate, even stagger away, towards the end - wounds and all.


The Trap


So the Death Eaters were trapped. While this reporter cannot help but entertain some qualms about the ‘dirtiness’ of such foul play, she is sure the wizarding world can only join her in rejoicing that our ministry has freed us.


But just how did this ‘magnificent’ trap occur?


“Once again,” says ministry auror, Zacharias Smith, “We have Harry Potter to thank. Good old Potter.”


Harry Potter, our hero. The boy-who-lived, the youth-who-defeated-L.V., and latterday hermit, living out his life in quiet seclusion from the rest of the world. Once again, he is to be found at the centre of the war of darkness. Once again, he has saved the world. Smith is, however, only too quick to point out that the real heroes of this particular battle are his fellow ministry aurors, such as Derek Trimble, who has sustained severe injuries, the dazzling Portia Sinclair, Leon Toothill (the ministry’s previously only crippled auror), spicy Keeley Quinn, and Daniel Merrick (sure to become the heartthrob of many a teenage girl in the near future). Of course, we must include him in this magnificent group - for it was this group, the pride of the ministry, who were at the centre of the raging battle. “Potter was only bait,” Smith says, pride evident on his face.


Harry Potter as bait? It seems Arthur Weasley, headmaster of the school, announced to members amongst the staff that Potter would be arriving shortly as a special motivational treat to those NEWT level students studying for the Defence Against the Dark Arts examination. He would arrive over the Christmas holidays, but wished to settle in undisturbed before the start of the new year.


Banding together, the headmaster and the school governor, the popular and respected Lucius Malfoy, quietly, but forcefully, evacuated the students, requesting them to return home to their families, their loved ones, and in short, to “bugger off”.


Harry Potter arrived, as might have been expected, to a trap set by the Death Eaters - who somehow seem to almost have a knack for finding out about these things. But our marvelous ministry were a step ahead - the aurors, and other specialised groups of witches and wizards were waiting. Unfortunately, the Prophet has no coverage of the event, but can assure the public that it was “one hell of a battle”.


The Aftermath


Sadly, no matter how much effort the staff went to, to protect the students - the school is even so affected. The primary phase of the battle took place upon the Quidditch pitch, just outside of the ‘forbidden’ (but really, whoever obeyed that rule?) forest. Said pitch is entirely demolished. Bright banners of red, yellow, blue and green, are now mere threads on the ground. Mountains of stands are reduced to dust. Even the giant golden hoops are gone.


Those few deaths resulting in actual corpses, have naturally, been removed by the ministry. But no amount of legislation or organisation can bring back a pitch hundreds of years in the making. It will be a long time before Hogwarts sees its favourite sport again.


Maybe the students can take up gobstones?


So what happens now?


“No doubt,” says Arthur Weasley, “the Ministry is already putting in motion its own form of witch hunt, for those Death Eaters who still live.”


“We will continue to educate the students of Hogwarts,” says Derek Trimble, professor of Defence Against the Dark Arts, in addition to one of the ministry’s prized aurors, and son of famed combat academic, Quentin Trimble, “Classes will be in session.”


Unfortunately, the school’s governor, Lucius Malfoy, is unavailable for comment. He is missing, presumed dead.

Daily Prophet

Clagge's Budget Changes: Clubs Get the Chop

29 December 2011


Abelard Clagge, sworn in last month as Minister of Magic, will today announce the new budget. A new year, a new era, and a new economic state. Formerly of the International Magical Trading Standards Body, Clagge is in an ideal position to turn around the stagnant economy. He found a minute to tell the Daily Prophet of the changes.

“Wars do cost money,” he says. “There have been so many extra expenses that we are finding it somewhat difficult … we do what we can.” He cites those mercantile properties that have been destroyed, in addition to the nervosity felt by so many across the country, but is confident that if we all “tighten our robes,” we will come out alright.


To that end, the students of Hogwarts must see their beloved extracurricular activities diminish, as long time Minister of Student Activities, Edgar Eclipse, is officially made redundant, and clubs are removed from the school’s offerings.


“I enjoyed my time at Hogwarts,” says Eclipse, his eyes deliciously grieved. “My primary regret is that I won’t be there to say goodbye.”


In the wake of the recent battle, Quidditch is also removed from the school curriculum. (Refer to our main article for details).


The dueling club, controlled by a different Ministry division, in addition to certain members of Hogwarts staff, will not be affected by Eclipse’s dismissal, though other matters mean its return to glory may be slow.


As Clagge and his helpers continue to look over the budget, more may continue to change. In the meantime, the community is asked to be “hesitantly optimistic”.


Don’t worry, concerned citizens. The Daily Prophet will there for you. We will keep you posted.

Daily Prophet

Podpeople Not to be Trusted

15 May 2012


Various reports have come in that a renegade group has set itself up on the WWN (Worldwide Wizarding Network), broadcasting derogatory reports about the Ministry of Magic and the traumas faced by our world. This group calls themselves the Podpeople, and they are not to be trusted.


“I love the Podpeople,” says Claudette Bagelle, an annoying nineteen year old girl who the Prophet spoke to on Diagon Alley. “They play the coolest music, and I just love that one guy … what was his name? Bovine?”


For all that their popularity is increasing, the Prophet is officially warning the public not to trust ‘the Podpeople’. “They have shown a distressing desire to undermine the respectability of more mainstream media,” comments Rita Skeeter, experienced and beautiful longtime journalist of the Prophet. “It is hoped they will quietly fade out of existence, before they cause any serious damage.

Daily Prophet

Minister's Nephew Goes Missing

16 May 2012


Dunderly Clagge, nephew of Abelard Clagge, Minister of Magic, has been reported missing, his location untraceable as of May 15th. The official report, released today, states that Dunderly was holidaying in Wales, failing to return to his family on the 17th, as intended.

The Minister refused to comment, but Mavis Clagge, his sister-in-law, told the Prophet that her son was a lovely young man, and intensely reliable. “I’m so worried,” she weeps, tearing her handkerchief in two. “Dunderly has never been late before - he must be missing his mumsy so!”


Put forward have been a number of theories as to the location of young Dunderly, the most frequent being that he is off being a scoundrel and a rapscallion, but also suggested has been the possibility that the Dark Lord is back, and is masterminding a scheme to overthrow Abelard Clagge.

“Nonsense,” says the Ministry.

Daily Prophet

Knight Bus Workers on Strike

20 June 2012


The workers of Britain’s notorious Knight Bus have gone on strike, leaving hundreds of wizards and witches across the country stranded. Charged with providing the nation’s magical folk with transport in emergency situations, the irresponsible workers are neglecting their duties in a ploy to augment their salaries.

“It’s downright meager what they pays me and Ernie,” opined Mr Stan Shunpike of south London, conductor of the Knight Bus. “I can hardly afford a pint o’ ale if I wants to pay me rent.”


The owner and operator of the Knight Bus, Harold Winchcombe, had no comment on whether he would make concessions to accommodate Mr Shunpike’s alcoholism. Nor did he have any comment on Mr Shunpike’s past arrest for suspicion of aiding and abetting He Who Must Not Be Named.


While the lazy workers of the Knight Bus remain on strike, Mr Winchcombe himself has tried to drive the Knight Bus himself. Unfortunately, this resulted in five collisions before he decided to postpone service.


We at the Daily Prophet call for a quick resolution to this pressing problem and will keep our readers apprised of the situation as it develops.

Daily Prophet

Bulgaria and Ukraine Face Off in World Cup Final

31 July 2012


The Quidditch World Cup draws to a close this weekend when the Bulgarian and Ukrainian teams meet in the highly anticipated final game. The two Slavic juggernauts have dominated the tourney, leaving many favorites in the dust.


After trouncing Denmark in the final eight, the Ukraine reached the final by defeating Peru in a hard fought edge-of-your-seat match. The Ukrainians not only beat Peru, the team favored by many to walk away with the Cup, they shut them out completely thanks to their ironclad defense, headed up by the Pasternak twins. The final score was 160 - 0.


In an impressive display of flying, Bulgaria clobbered home team England in the semi-finals, winning by the highest margin in the tournament, 200 - 10. Team captain Ivaylo Chilikov and his chasers’ skills earned them numerous interceptions and the all important snitch. In their previous game, the Bulgarians also dominated Zimbabwe allowing only one goal.


Aside from a disturbance in the England-Ireland game when players from the Bulgaria and Zimbabwe teams invaded the pitch, the World Cup has gone smoothly this year. After the incidents at Hogwarts this Christmas, officials do not expect any incidents such as the disaster that occurred after the final game in 1994, the last time Britain hosted the Quidditch World Cup. Nonetheless, security at the final game will be heightened to prevent another embarrassment for the Ministry.

Daily Prophet

Quidditch World Cup Brings Back Quidditch

1 September 2012


The firewhiskey flows and the butterbeer glasses are raised across Europe as another Quidditch World Cup is bought to a close, but the big winners are not so much the Ukranian team, but rather the coffers of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. A historic match between Bulgaria, one of Europe’s favourite teams, and Ukraine, who swung up the charts from nowhere to meet them in the finals, the match drew larger profits than seen in years. Abelard Clagge, the ever-philanthropic Minister of Magic, graciously donated 50% of the proceeds from hosting the match towards the school, in order to rebuild the Quidditch pitch. The rest of the proceeds will be spent upon the Ministry’s Widows and Orphans fund.


“While I am hardly a fan of a group of idiots flying around on sticks and throwing balls at each other,” says Clagge, “There is no doubt that Quidditch is loved by a great many of the little dears.” And so, once again, the ‘little dears’ have a quidditch pitch to play on. Over the summer holidays, the proud golden hoops were risen once more. The stands stand again, with banners of red, green, blue and yellow flapping merrily in the sunshine. Yes, children. Quidditch is back.


Longtime quidditch officiator, Madam Hooch, had this to say: “Quidditch is back? -Hic- Hoorah! I alwaysh knew it would … shay, weren't you that kid I used to teach that couldn't fly for peanutsh?” The Prophet is sorry to report that due to insanity, Madam Hooch is now safely locked up in a ward in St. Mungo’s, where she cannot spread vicious slander. The students of Hogwarts will just have to cope.

Daily Prophet

Ministry Mourns Death of Respected Researcher

14 April 2014


The world went into shock last Wednesday, as it was announced that Marcus Endicus, respected researcher for the Ministry of Magic, perished under suspicious circumstances.

In the past four years, there have been at least fifteen on the job deaths, informs the charming Phineas Paterson, colleague and friend of Endicus. Endicus was just one among many, but obviously enormously devastating to Paterson whose face is tortured.


Although we are informed Endicus died alone and at home, Ministry insiders share that his research recently took him abroad to the famed James Institute, centre of many mysterious discoveries.


The Prophet wonders precisely where Marcus Endicus ties into the Institute, and questions whether his death was actually as innocent as the Ministry would have us believe.

Daily Prophet

Forbidden Forest: Fairchild Under Inquiry

14 April 2014


Professor Connie Fairchild, of Hog-warts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, has been placed under inquiry by the Ministry of Magic, for her recklessness in taking an entire class of students into the Forbidden Forest.


Albert Ogden, representative of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, says the Ministry has been concerned for some time about Fairchild’s classes, some of which contain extremely dangerous creatures.

“Sometimes she’s a bit flighty and has these weird ideas about creatures,” says one of her students. “I've always liked her, of course.”


The timing of Professor Fairchild’s class field trip to the forest was inopportune, occurring at the same time as the first of the Death Eater attacks last week. This led to many of Fairchild’s students being captured by the Death Eaters and tortured along with other students.


Charles Larrimore, mediwizard of the Hog-warts’ Hospital Wing, becomes quite impassioned about the idiocy of expeditions to the Forbidden Forest. “The rules clearly state ‘FORBIDDEN’ forest. You have to be thick in the head to want to go inside.”


To be fair, many students enter the forest for quite noble reasons. An older boy requested Annabella Rocks’ assistance, to look for missing people. “I wanted to help people so that they don’t suffer,” she says.


Deirdre Grey, of Hufflepuff, takes a harder line. “It’s not too hard to NOT go in … is it!”


Spike VonHaus, respected and gentlemanly prefect of Slytherin, among those tortured by the Death Eaters, believes that not only is it entirely right that there be an inquiry into Fairchild’s mishap, but claims the carelessness for human life at Hogwarts runs far deeper. He believes there should have been an inquiry “when the dueling club was taken in there and attacked by Acromantula”.


The Prophet is concerned by increasing reports of the school’s laxness on letting students enter the forest, a known habitat for extremely dangerous magical creatures, in addition to the suspected lair of much Death Eater activity.


But why on earth would Fairchild, with full knowledge of this, take her class in there?


“I don’t know,” says Lux Hawkins of Hufflepuff. “Maybe she did it because she’s a Death Eater?”

Daily Prophet

Hogwarts Blows Its Top

14 April 2014


Friday night while most of us slept in our beds, the students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry were herded into the Great Hall like cattle, thrust sleeping bags, and told to sleep on the ground. This was the result of yet another Death Eater attack, claimed to be the eleventh in as many years.


“I’m sure someone could start up another wizarding school in the UK to great success,” says Milton Eadie, a most intelligent young boy from Ravenclaw. “Given the reputation Hogwarts must be getting, what with all these attacks.”


The students cannot be the only ones wondering why yet again, the school’s protection fails to protect the students from the Death Eaters, led by the mysterious person referred to as ‘Teedla’. The school appears quite inadequate to do anything but desperately scramble around after disasters have already occurred.


“I think the new first years will be a bit … odd, about coming to a school where students went missing the year before,” says Annabella Rocks, a pretty and innocent first year Gryffindor. Annabella, like other students of her year, should be well removed from all the dangers of Death Eaters and other dark wizards, but she has already seen how “barbaric” the Death Eaters can be.


Parents of muggleborn Ashlei Tinker have even less experience of the dangers of the wizarding world, but keenly feel the danger that their daughter must be experiencing away at school. Ashlei, a Hufflepuff prefect captured by the Death Eaters, has been unable to get word to her parents, and they are left with the minuscule knowledge provided to them by officials – that their daughter has been captured, tortured, and released. “I knew she should never have gone back to that school,” says Mr Tinker, a broken man, while his wife clenches a handkerchief tearfully in her fingers.


“I told her not to go – it wouldn't be good for her. And now look what’s happened!”


They have much reason to be so concerned – the defences of the school are so subpar, that hospital wing staff report having abandoned the school for a more ‘secure’ location. One can only surmise what Rowena Ravenclaw, founder of the school and creator of the school’s original defences, would have to say about this.

Spike VonHaus, another prefect from the Slytherin house, and among those recently rescued, is noticeably shaken and insecure, but bravely shares in some of the school’s responsibility. When asked where he believed the fault lay, he replied simply “I think we all failed each other.”


Charles Larrimore of the Hospital Wing, on the contrary, seems quite jovial about his part in the attacks, finding them somewhat boring and “repetitive”, but enjoys the fact that this one was “especially not, as I had a little action”. (“With a Death Eater,” suggests a nearby student).


Asked what he has to say about this whole ghastly circumstance, on behalf of the school, Mr Larrimore sends his “sympathy out to the families”.

Daily Prophet

Clagge Returns From Germany

31 April 2014


In an effort to reinforce foreign relations in Germany in light of the recent horrendous events at Hogwarts, our very own, very dear old Minister of Magic, Abelard Clagge, discussed the growing concern with vigilante Dark Wizards and even Death Eaters in Europe. Of course, Daily Prophet was on the scene upon his return to find out the truth. The two allied Ministries have, a spokesperson revealed, agreed to crackdown on illegal and explicit paraphernalia trafficking both in and out of the two countries in a joint effort. The crackdown is suspected to have heavy repercussions on the black market.


This news comes only a week after the announcement of additions to the Auror office and progressive movements to expand general Defense Against the Dark Arts knowledge around all of Britain in collaboration with Ireland, which was reviewed in the Daily Prophet Article, The Ministry Revealed, last week. Despite the slowly subduing opposition towards reason, Minister Clagge has motioned to increase Ministry efficiency, which, as records show, has already been done two fold from the previous year.


“The Minister is revolutionizing the Ministry!” said a clearly sensible young wizard in Liverpool last evening. “I feel like [Clagge’s] really made an effort to improve the Ministry. And it shows!” This is, of course, after a muggle was found dead in that very town a month prior, with Death Eaters suspected as the culprits in an effort to further terrorize our communities. Minister Clagge responded to this threat to society with an increased workforce dedicated to the eradication of witches and wizards with malicious intent.


The Minister is expected to appear during a party at the Ministry commemorating the victory at the Battle of Hogwarts with Harry Potter, among other well known celebrities. The scene of Hogwarts will also be sporting a ball to celebrate the historic victory. More to come as events unfold.

Daily Prophet

Death in Hogwarts!

2 May 2014


Hogwarts has most recently become a haven to anarchy and chaos, as close to our students as its very own Great Hall! Do not fret, however, this time Hogwarts is a victim of a much less expected attack: the dead.


“I organized the strike to draw attention to the gross disrespect that is being shown toward ghosts and other magical creatures,” said a Sir Nicholas, permanent resident of Hogwarts, and ghost of Gryffindor Tower. “Its time for everybody to realize we have rights and feelings too!”

The effort has so far consisted of mere picket signs and mild distraction, though it does bring up a universal truth around the Wizard World as to the treatment of the deceased. While it has garnered much sympathy from the students, witnesses tell us, it has yet to ascertain a response from the current Headmaster Arthur Weasley.


The movement seems to have inspired those even outside of the castle. Martin Bradley, a longtime ghost of the now derelict Cluney Abbey, has been brought to the Ministry under charges of ‘outlandish activity in the sight of no less than thirteen muggles as he floated through the streets and demanded proper respect from the non-magical community.

Daily Prophet

Hogwarts Headmaster Found Dead!

2 September 2014


A group of French scientists were apprehended Friday for their possible involvement in the death of Tavis Wigglesworth, former Hogwarts Headmaster. The outlandish group had dropped a knut from the Eiffel Tower to see if it would fall fast enough to sufficiently kill a human being. Wigglesworth was, at the time, visiting Paris and, specifically, the Eiffel Tower.


More need not be said.


The beloved headmaster was buried late Saturday afternoon in a public ceremony off the coast of Scotland. Dozens flocked to pay their last respects to the man that had done so much for Hogwarts. As per his last request, Wigglesworth’s epitaph read: “Here lies Tavis Wigglesworth, aged 140. Oh, how the good die young.” The minister had sent his sympathies to the dearly departed Headmaster, but did not attend the ceremony.

Daily Prophet

No Leads in the James Case - Still

10 September 2014


Recently, word has reached me that there is an award for whoever finds the stolen texts from the James Institute, broken into little over six months ago. Call me pessimistic, but since when has a reward ever stirred the people of Britain into action? For that matter, when have the people of Britain ever been able to find a supposed ‘wrong-doer’? For years Albus Dumbledore allowed Severus Snape to teach at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, all the while knowing that he was a confirmed Death Eater, working for He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and paid with his life for that particular err in judgment.


There has been continued speculation over what was stolen from the James Institute, and why. The Aurors (though as the devoted reader will know, my opinion does not rank very highly of that particular branch of the Ministry), have spent countless hours inside the Institute, tracking people down and investigating what was stolen, and have come up with no leads – or goods. It is almost as if the items in question just vanished into thin air. It would certainly be one reason the Aurors have still not made any progress into the inquiry.


There is no doubt that the James Institute has gained a lot of publicity from this little act, something that Ms. James is surely very pleased about; the dwindling number of investors and visitors must not have been far from her mind at the time. Whilst some investors have pulled out their assets entirely after the incident, others have poured more ‘much needed’ money into the Institute to make sure this atrocity is not repeated. The numbers of visitors now wanting to see what was stolen and where from (no doubt in a greedy attempt to solve the mystery themselves and win the award) has sky-rocketed, and more and more people are interested in the Institute and its belongings.


This writer, however, courteously suggests that Ms. James concentrates not on her own popularity and instead looks into the security of her home. We wouldn’t want anything tragic like that to happen again now, would we?


- Professor Vindictus Viridian

Daily Prophet

Massive Upset in Prague!

19 September 2014


The Romanian Littles won in a stunning feat against the new England Rumblers in the annual International Gobstones Tournament. The Rumblers, having sustained an unwavering winning season for their first season ever (including a grand total of zero losses) turned for the worse in the final of the Tournament. The Littles left the tournament in tears of joy, clinging to the trophy for dear life.


The Daily Prophet would like to congratulate the Rumblers on a good season and wish their captain, Ron Shady, good luck in the oncoming year.

Daily Prophet

Lions? Tigers? Dragons?! Oh, my!

21 September 2014


As some of you have undoubtedly heard, the ball in commemoration of the Battle of Hogwarts was turned into a disaster zone in what could most adequately explained as “preposterous.” The ball, fitting the day of commemoration dutifully, did appear to be a battle zone shortly after the dear Professor Neville Longbottom gave a short and riveting speech with the help of a rather aloof Luna Lovegood, in what leaves the few meager investigators baffled.


The students, dressed up as various creatures, inanimate objects, people of prestige and others were seemingly unwilling guinea pigs to an anonymous prankster’s idea of a good time. Transforming, in mind and body, to the item or being they were dressed up as, a scene that witnesses describe as “wicked,” (oh, the poor souls) was made. Fire breathing dragons, the late Albus Dumbledore, and even fairy princesses were just a few of the oddities. Various others of increasing danger to others were there, readers should note.


No casualties have been encountered, through some luck.


That night, Hogwarts was dressed in chaos. Ministry officials assure us that no foul play is suspected beyond the obvious. It is with an un-bias air that I offer my opinion to who I’m sure is an avid reader: Headmaster Arthur Weasley. Tighten your leash on the little miscreants of Hogwarts (though we assure those reading this article, it is not your children I refer to as such) to the point where such activity as jinxing clothing or hexing professors is quite near impossible.


After such events as the kidnapping the year before, Hogwarts is still on edge. Perhaps soon our dearest Hogwarts Headmaster will realize the intensity of even simple student pranks are to the safety and trust in his school.