Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is sad to note the passing of one of their beloved dueling officiators, Prunella Betty Tibbles (age 202). Born in an era prior to many wizards and witches of the current generation, she is thought to have passed away peacefully in her sleep on July 30th. While her success as a dueling officiator remains in question, her affection for the students is without doubt, as she was commonly seen knitting them sweaters and scarves to keep warm in the winter. She was also known for her crusade against candy, constantly preaching the benefits of a healthy diet containing fruits and vegetables. Of her esteemed colleagues at Hogwarts, Mr Rakesh Bhaduri offered the following statement: “Tibbles was crazy, but in a good way, I guess.”
It is yet to be determined whether or not she has any surviving relatives, though rumors exist of a past romance between Prunella and former Headmaster of Hogwarts, Fytherly Undercliffe. Please contact the Daily Prophet by owl or mirror if you have any information.
Flowers can be sent to Hogwarts’ School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Funeral arrangements will be determined and details released by school staff at a later date.
The current commander-in-chief at Hogwarts, Headmistress Arnaude Flamel, has done well to ensure the safety of her students from outside forces, but who’s protecting the students from internal threats? Since Flamel has stepped into power at Hogwarts, rumours have been floating about regarding the nature of her disciplinary methods. Shackling, what many students and parents originally thought to be a scare tactic to keep the children in line, have become a real, tangible, and archaically cruel punishment at Hogwarts.
At the end of the school year, three third year girls were caught sneaking into Flamel’s office on a dare. As punishment, they were shackled to the ceilings of the Great Hall, publicly humiliated in front of their peers and made out as examples for the rest of the day. The shackles were additionally charmed to burn their wrists if they moved too much.
This type of corporal punishment, popular back in the 1800s, seems outdated in today’s modern world. “I can’t even begin to describe what kind of damages a corporal punishment of this size does to a child’s psyche,” Rose Willoughby, healer, child psychologist, and author of The Delicate Magical Mind, lamented during a sit-down interview with me. “Even the muggles know better. It really begs the question which society, magical or muggle, is more advanced if this type of punishment is deemed acceptable at Hogwarts.”
We were lucky enough to get in contact with one of the aforementioned girls’ mother, who will be kept anonymous for her child’s safety. She was, predictably, outraged when she heard the news: “She claims to care about the welfare of our children, but how good can her security be if three thirteen-year-old girls are capable of breaching it? These barbaric punishments have nothing to do with protecting our children and everything to do with distracting us from the key issue: what is Flamel hiding that those girls accidentally stumbled into? The whole thing stinks of a cover up. I, for one, will be in contact with the board of governors and I urge every Hogwarts parent to do the same.” Unfortunately, this is not the first shackling since Flamel’s promotion, only the first that has reach our ears. Perhaps your child has already been shackled once and has been too scared to tell you. Then again, how much do we really know about what goes on at Hogwarts these days?
The Daily Prophet has previously celebrated the achievements of Headmistress Flamel. While we do commend her on maintaining the safety of our children, we are also committed to reporting the truth. The truth is your child could be the next to be shackled to the ceilings of the Great Hall. The new school year is fast approaching, so as you send your child off for another riveting year at Hogwarts, remember this: While we can rest well knowing our children are safe from Death Eaters and other outside threats at Hogwarts, who will keep them safe from the heartless hands of Headmistress Flamel?
In a shocking turn of events, a band of exceptionally skilled wizards broke into Gringotts last night. Minimal staff were on duty and were simultaneously knocked out by well-aimed stupefying charms. The thieves proceeded to swarm the underground vaults, equipped with magical explosives that allowed them to blow the vault doors into smithereens. It is unclear how many thieves were involved in the operation, but it was enough to overcome the various security measures Gringotts has traditionally implemented to protect their clients’ wealth, such as guard dragons. By the time the authorities arrived on the scene, the thieves had disappeared into the night, leaving behind meagre scraps of evidence.
The damage inflicted upon the bank was severe and many families, including the Paddocks, Bagshots, Pomfreys, Yates and Lightwoods, had their vaults raided. The losses that were incurred by these individuals varied from one to the other. Some, unfortunately, had their entire vaults emptied. The victims of this crime were understandably frustrated, some taking it better than others.
The ancient vault of the Roux family was also broken into. Ministry of Magic employee Edward Roux only had this to say: “I will not rest until the perpetrator is caught.” He refused to answer any other questions on the matter. His wife, Rosalia Rovigatti, seemed unaffected by the loss and simply stated, “Some of us are smarter than to place our trust entirely in a system that has already proven vulnerable.”
The Goodfellows, in contrast, appear to take this in stride. Their losses were comparatively minor as their vault only had “a few galleons” and “a surprisingly large collection of enchanted muggle items”. When interviewed, Lionel Goodfellow mentioned that he would like his fellow wizards to be on the lookout for a pewter statue of his great great grandfather that responds to the name Gaius Goodfellow and a unicorn hair scarf, both prized family items.
Other victims reported feeling distressed about the increased difficulty in supporting their families. Among them is Vijay Toor, who said, “My eldest daughter just graduated from Hogwarts and we wanted to help her out. But now that our money has been taken by these blasted thieves, we’re all worried that she’ll struggle.” Another worried parent, Henry Stewart, had this to say: “I hope whoever is responsible for this is caught quickly and punished accordingly. My wife and I both worked very hard to earn this money and we have three kids to support.”
It is unknown how the Gringotts staff plan on dealing with this incident. When the paper attempted to approach the head goblin for his thoughts on the matter, he refused to comment, stating that any more revelations would impede investigations. His silence did not help in soothing the rest of the wizarding population as some of them are now proposing theories that threaten to besmirch Gringotts’ reputation. Could it possibly be an inside job? How in Merlin’s name did they manage to bypass all those security measures otherwise? Is this evidence that they’ve fallen behind other wizarding banks?
Watch out for more developments in future editions of the Daily Prophet!
Japanese researcher Natsu Amori warned of global warming patterns affecting giant squid populations. The Japanese Ministry has formally reached out to urge the courtship between Hogwarts's Giant Squid and their national treasure, Ritsuko. Ritsuko is 56 years old and likes eating freshwater prawns.
How does one become a poltergeist?
- Mischievous, Leeds
Short answer: you can’t, so you’ll have to satisfy your desire for chaos before you die.
Long answer: poltergeists aren’t ghosts! This is one of those cases where we have something waddling, quacking and suspiciously duck-shaped but it definitely is not a duck. Poltergeists were never living humans; they’re amortal spirits of chaos tied to specific locations. We call them “non-beings”, along with boggarts and dementors, and unlike ghosts they can both affect and be affected by the physical world and are also vulnerable to many of the same spells as other not-dead things.
We don’t really know what causes the birth of a poltergeist, although many theorise it’s simply due to a lot of chaotic energy localised in one area. There is some work ongoing now in Germany where researchers are attempting to intentionally recreate different kinds of chaos in different areas to see if we can predict where a poltergeist will be born. Their next experiment will probably be in seeing if they can get rid of them…
Yours, Ruby <3
Residents in the Greater London area who have been experiencing a string of unusual thefts in their homes for the last three months can now rest easy as the Magical Law Enforcement squad has finally captured the culprit. Elisabeth Riviere, a wanted thief from France, was captured on Saturday following a harrowing chase in Diagon Alley that injured seven bystanders.
The Magical Law Enforcement squad had been pursuing Riviere since August when the first few thefts were reported. Victims were typically married wizards who were unable to report full details about the theft except for a hazy feeling of falling into a trance. Their wives’ jewelry and diamonds were commonly stolen items, although one victim reported stolen dress robes and an expensive pair of chameleon skin gloves.
Initial attempts by the Magical Law Enforcement squad to capture the thief failed. Hit wizards attempted to set up a trap to ensnare the jewelry thief, but were unprepared for one important detail: Riviere is part-veela. “It was all a tad embarrassing, to be quite honest,” one bystander, who wished to remain anonymous, shared. “Grown men tripping over themselves to tie each other up in hopes of impressing her first.”
Soon after, an all-female task force from the Magical Law Enforcement department, led by Hit Witch Jodie Jaszczak, was created. On Saturday, another trap was set in Diagon Alley, along with Anti-Apparation wards, but the busy marketplace actually made the pursuit more difficult. Witnesses reported Riviere running through the streets yelling for help, using her veela magic to convince male bystanders to throw themselves in the paths of the pursuing Hit Witches. The witches eventually manage to surround Riviere and subdue her, but not before accidentally injuring several valiant and confused wizards during the chase. “The casualties are unfortunate, but we are thankful nobody was seriously injured,” Jaszczak reported in a general statement later. “Riviere will be taken into custody and will face justice in front of the Wizengamot before being returned to the French courts where, we hear, they are very eager to have her.”
The Magical Law Enforcement squad proceeded to find over 1000 galleons worth of stolen jewelry and diamonds in Riviere’s apartment, guarded by some heavy protection spells and curses. Curse breakers are currently still working on retrieving the stolen items. The items in question will be held for evidence until the trials are over. If the veela thief has stolen from you, be sure to report to the Law Enforcement Department. Forewarning: all items will be cast a property charm, so don’t try and claim what isn’t yours.
The face of Gobstone leagues nationwide could be set to change with this latest alteration to the regulations to be considered. The Gobstones Anti-doping Authority (GADA) have today announced that they are considering mandating the size of a standard gobstone as 7” in diameter, rather than the current 5”. A representative stated that "it is more difficult to thieve victory with heavier stones". This has resulted in general outcry from the Alliance of Gobstoners, releasing a statement including “such drastic measures will alter the Gobstone League, nay, the very world in ways that common folk could not possibly imagine.” Other specialists argue we may shortly have a stone shortage on our hands that will affect muggles and wizards alike.
As winter approaches, the well-known Whomping Willow in the Hogwarts grounds has been growing grumpy in its old age. Reports suggest that the Willow has been thwarting students from impossibly far away, particularly those seen to be fraternising. While some believe this is a PDA deterrent put in place by Headmistress Flamel, others are crying out for the removal of the elderly plant. Allegedly, this matter will be tabled at school council Monday week. Is this the last winter we’ll have to bear with the wretched Willow? Or will the tree-hugging students swoop in to save the day?
It’s not often that we at the Daily Prophet are able to print good news, but should the chance present itself, we would like to shine the light on the bright spots in our world where there is so much darkness. Happily, we can report to you that Hogwarts is embarking on its fourth year with Headmistress Arnaude Flamel at the helm. Flamel, a world renowned potions mistress and descendant of the famous Nicholas Flamel, is the author of When the Goat Is Not Enough.
Flamel took over the post as Headmistress of Hogwarts after the events at the end of the school term in 2032, once former Headmaster Arthur Weasley was removed from his position by the school’s Board of Directors. Since his reign, Hogwarts has been terrorized over and over by dark forces in the world.
Four students, including the late Margo Ward, who was killed by her own werewolf brother, Galen Ward, have died on Hogwarts’ grounds whilst in Weasley’s charge. Two Professors have also embraced death as a friend whilst in Weasley’s employ. We at the Daily Prophet applaud the Board of Directors decision to remove this man from Hogwarts, who showed such poor judgement in executing a proper defence for the hundreds of children that attend the school.
Since his removal, Hogwarts has seen three years of peace under the strong leadership of Headmistress Flamel. She leads the students well, enforces the rules and runs a tight ship. She took a broken castle and managed to put it back together again and make it a safe place where the students can study without fear.
We salute you, Headmistress, and here is to many more years of peace. Your iron fist is exactly what Hogwarts needs at a time like this.
The registered lycanthrope, Galen Ward, was convicted of criminally negligent manslaughter in 2032 when The Council of Magical Law determined that he intentionally skipped his final dose of wolfsbane potion, resulting in the death of his 15-year-old sister, Margo Ward.
Ward’s five year sentence was cut short following his trial on Tuesday evening, wherein the convicted asked for forgiveness, claiming no malicious intent and remorse for his actions. We reached out to his attorneys, Bertrand and Seymour Mudgrove, who specialize in the defense of magical minorities. “Galen Ward poses no threat. He regrets his actions, and has vowed before the Council of Magical Law to take his wolfsbane potion as directed.”
Ward was released for ‘good behavior’ and granted parole for the remainder of his sentence under the active supervision of a magical law enforcement officer. The conditions set forth include frequent meetings and a strict wolfsbane regimen, with the understanding that failure to comply with these conditions could result in immediate incarceration.
The incident initially sparked outrage from members of community, with many parents fearing for the safety of their children. Much of the blame fell on Hogwarts administration, resulting in the removal of former Headmaster Arthur Weasley.
Surrounded by an aura of skepticism, the prestigious school experienced a drop in attendance in the year following the attack. In an effort to revitalize its tarnished reputation, the current Headmistress Flamel implemented a hard-hitting system to ensure the safety of the student body, including the the use of the ceiling shackles as a disciplinary measure.
The original terms of Ward’s sentence were controversial, prompting protests from anti-werewolf advocates for a harsher punishment. Ellis Langley, conservative journalist and editor of the Warlock Review, claimed that a light sentence and lack of consequences only encouraged radical werewolf groups to abstain from their wolfsbane potions. “They are animals – they are a danger to society,” he said. “I think they should be segregated for our own protection, or at least wear some sort of identifying marker.”
This statement was met by an uproar from werewolf sympathizers and werewolf rights activists. “Not all werewolves are murderers, and it is only through harboring fear and mistrust that the disparity between beast and man grows larger. At the moment of transmission, those plagued by lycanthropy are at an immediate disadvantage in society. We must use any means necessary to protect ourselves and our community,” said Anita Zhao, founder of The Lone Wolf, an not-for-profit organization that shelters battered and homeless lycanthropes.
With tensions high in the werewolf community, it’s unclear weather or not this development will serve as a catalyst in the werewolf-rights movement, or simply result in more carnage.
“They’re an unstable group,” said Langley. “We can’t let them run wild, or else we’ll keep seeing things like this happen. I hate to say I told you so.”
We also reached out to Ward’s muggle parents for a comment, but we received no response.
Even first years know about vanishing steps, but things appear to have gotten out of hand between the hallowed halls of Hogwarts. Sources say entire staircases have been vanishing. Not simply moving or changing direction, totally vanished! There one moment, gone the next. All fun and games as an excuse to be late to class, until someone ends up in the Hospital Wing with a body of broken bones. We’ll keep you abreast of the situation as it develops…
At long last, the Daily Prophet has heard the official news: Duncan Cunningham, the Death Eater arrested and suspected of tampering with the sanity of students at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was found dead several yards from his cell last month.
Reports say that Daniel Pechman, the auror on duty at the time of Cunningham’s death, was found on the scene just steps away from the deceased’s body. After a weighing of Pechman’s wand, it was found that a Killing Curse as well as a memory modification charm had been used within an hour of the estimated time of murder. Authorities have taken the former auror into custody for questioning. Neither the accused nor his lawyers have been available for comment.
Along with Pechman, auror Hollis Keen bore witness to the breach in security. Anonymous sources reveal that the memory modification charm found on Pechman’s wand was possibly performed on Keen after the crime was committed. Keen was questioned, but no further action was taken and she has since been released. Keen is an upstanding, decorated auror who has been heavily involved in the investigations regarding the attacks on Hogwarts at the end of the last school year, and will continue to do so as the Ministry works to unravel the truth and motivation behind Duncan Cunningham’s untimely demise.
More information on Pechman’s hearing to follow as the Prophet discovers more about this heinous act.
Hey, hey, hey - welcome to the new Potterwatch.
This is Howler speaking. If you're listening to this, maybe you're looking to escape the latest tyranny at Hogwarts. Rumor has it that Lame Flame will be administering Veritaserum to all students caught defacing school property with lies. In the Great Hall.
If you want to guard your secrets, don't get caught, my friends. Howler out.
The Prophet has just received news that there is a new Headmistress roaming the halls of Hogwarts.
That’s right, readers. Arthur Weasley, who has maintained the position of Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for over twenty years, has been deemed unfit to maintain his post and as such was fired on the morning of 31 August. The jaded Second Wizarding War hero has been cited in the past for his gross negligence of the safety of students, as well as his incapability of communicating appropriately with the Governors of the School Board. Margo Ward’s death, bringing with it the complaints of parents across the country, seems to be the straw that broke the hippogriff’s back.
We are proud to inform the wizards of the United Kingdom, however, that the Board of Governors have finally gotten something right, and that Weasley’s replacement is poised to put the education back in Hogwarts.
Arnaude Flamel, former Slytherin at Hogwarts and decorated alchemist, boasts achievements near and far. The twelve-times great niece of the esteemed Nicolas Flamel is well-known for her wide variety of accomplishments, including her discovery of the six uses of unicorn blood, her studies of catalytic reactions among beasts to various elixirs, and her Daily Prophet Bestseller When The Goat is Not Enough, a compendium of poisons that cannot be cured by a bezoar. Most importantly, however, are her unrelenting attempts to recreate the philosopher’s stone. Though she has yet to be successful, the woman’s ambition and the fact that she’s come the closest to breaking her ancestor’s secret proves what an incredible inspiration she is to us all – particularly to the youth of Hogwarts who are so desperate for a competent leader during these troubled times.
After the disastrous reigns of Albus Dumbledore (may his soul rest in peace) and Arthur Weasley, Hogwarts deserves a compassionate soul like Mistress Flamel. Someone with a deeply-rooted concern for the education and above all the safety of British wizarding children. Someone who will hire professionals with the credentials necessary to heal and care for the youth of our world. Someone who will not allow the monsters of nightmares to give adolescents a reason to shake in their beds at night.
Headmistress Flamel has a reputation for correcting and advancing the areas of study and politics that are placed in her path with the utmost efficiency, and is known for her awe-inspiring ability to motivate colleagues to achieve their ultimate potential. The Governors should be commended for their choice in Headmistress; under Flamel’s influence, Hogwarts has a potential to grow and move forward from its tragic past.
The Prophet will certainly be here to report it all.
We asked for your words, and you delivered–literally. The following are letters the Daily Prophet has received from a wide array of parents. Mothers, fathers, grandparents, muggles, half-bloods and purebloods alike have written in with their views. While some people are still blinded by the Headmaster’s schemes, it is resoundingly clear that the majority of our children’s guardians are not happy with the lack of safety that Hogwarts delivers. Here is what you, the readers, had to say:
Time to close Hogwarts?
Hogwarts reopened twenty-nine years ago and there have been four student deaths and countless attacks that terrorize the survivors. Let’s not even get started on the staff deaths either. I personally thought they should have shut down Hogwarts after Miss Colubra (RIP) was murdered in cold blood by the Dark Lord himself in the third year but no, stupidity prevailed and more students were forced to endure terror the next year as it appears that nobody at Hogwarts knows how to secure the grounds and the Death Eaters returned.
Then they came back again for the next few years then every other year since then. Didn’t they learn anything from that? I had hoped for the best when Wigglesworth (incompetent!) passed away and was replaced by Weasley. But of course not, the Death Eaters decided to stop by Hogwarts to have a good time at the annual ball in his first year and shockingly, he kept his job as Headmaster.
There have been too many tragedies and this latest one is completely unacceptable. The death of a young girl could have been prevented by having competent people in charge who wouldn’t have allowed two vicious beasts to attend the school, let alone make one of them Head Girl. Someone competent would have ensured that the beasts took their Wolfsbane. Every figure of authority at Hogwarts and the Ministry should be ashamed of what happened in June.
I do wonder if this would all have happened if the deputy Headmaster Gawkrodger hadn’t taken a year off. Would have he stood up to the tyranny of Weasley and ensured that the staff did their job?
I personally think that it’s time to quit trying to make Hogwarts work and close the school. My grandchildren will all be attending Durmstrang because I know they take the safety of students seriously there. I will get to see them graduate as proper young adults instead of laying flowers on their graves or seeing them traumatized by the horrors that go on at Hogwarts.
Why do loving parents willingly ship off their beloved children to a hellhole like Hogwarts?
It’s time for something to change.
Dear Mr. Cuffe,
I am completely disgusted by the articles that you have been publishing regarding the events that happened at Hogwarts last year. To put the blame on Headmaster Weasley and Madam Braelin-VonHaus is completely ludicrous. Who you really need to blame for the incidents at the castle is not the werewolves, (who, I may point out, were completely harmless for seven years before this incident) but the ones at the heart of this attack. Have you not interviewed anyone who was at the school during this awful time?
Because trust me, if you cared to research more, you would find that it wasn’t just the werewolves in the school that ran rampant, it was normal students as well, influenced by dark magic of some sort. Just ask any student at Hogwarts at the time. So why aren’t you looking at that? Why aren’t you finding the REAL culprits who committed such treacherous acts upon mere children? Blaming adults who only do their best to protect the students is going to get us nowhere. I beg you and the wizarding world as a whole to ask the question that needs to be asked: who is really at fault here? Because it’s not the students who went crazy, nor the werewolves, nor Headmaster Weasley or any of the other staff at Hogwarts.
Be a real reporter and do some real research, please.
Dear Mr. Cuffe,
I am writing to you as a concerned parent. I am what you would call a muggle. I possess no magical ability and was born and raised believing that magic did not exist. It was almost two years ago exactly that a witch from the Ministry of Magic arrived on my doorstep and informed me otherwise. I was told that my only daughter was special, that she possessed a magical gift that neither I nor anyone else in my world could begin to understand. I was told that there was a school for people like her to learn and grow. I was very skeptical at first, but there had been incidents I witnessed at my daughter’s hand that caused me to trust in the woman at my door and her unusual assertions.
I chose to trust that woman and I was very wrong.
I was told by the people in charge that my daughter would be safe at Hogwarts. It is very hard to part with your child, but it is even harder to send them off into another world that you have no knowledge of. I kept up with the strange letter system, checking in with my daughter nearly every other day, and I chose to subscribe to your newspaper with hopes that you could keep me connected to her world.
I’m completely outraged to hear about the recent death of Margo Ward and the circumstances surrounding her death. The attacks that took place on the school not only killed a student, but they directly involved my daughter. I can’t help but fear that it could’ve easily been her who had lost her life and empathize with the parents of the girl. She was so young and deserved to have many many years ahead of her.
I’m outraged to hear that no action has been taken against Arthur Weasley, Headmaster of Hogwarts, and have grave reservations about my daughter returning to school in the fall. I demand that the people in charge of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy be held accountable for this grave lack in security! Specifically, Headmaster Arthur Weasley should put in his immediate resignation.
With greatest concern,
Theodore A. Kaligaris
To the Daily Prophet-
I am not a witch. Perhaps that gives me less of a voice within my husband’s community–certainly, as a Muggle, I find myself continually sheltered from many of the goings-on in the Wizarding world. But I am an avid reader of the Prophet simply because my daughter is a witch. She attends Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry: therefore I feel the need to make my voice be heard, not as an anonymous Muggle bystander but as a concerned–no, terrified parent.
My daughter will not be returning to Hogwarts in September. I am not only disgusted with the slipshod management of the school but also the gross misconduct from Headmaster Weasley and the staff. A child was horrifically murdered by a savage, wild animal, at the very school that is supposedly protected from harm.
I was assured multiple times that my daughter would be safe at Hogwarts. Against my better judgment I allowed her to attend the plague-ridden, werewolf-infested school, and now I must pay for that decision with regret. When the attacks occurred, I was not contacted by the school to let me know that my child was safe. I heard nothing from any Ministry Official or Hogwarts faculty. Instead, I had to pick up my morning paper and read in the news headlines that a child had been murdered in the very same place that my daughter sleeps.
Headmaster Weasley and all of the Hogwarts Staff has to answer for the attacks, and I hold them all personally responsible for the death of that young girl. As a mother and a wife, I cannot in good conscience allow my daughter to set foot back in that dangerous castle.
Readers of the Daily Prophet, I urge you to do the same. To many I am a discredited voice, because of my non-magical upbringing, but if you find my words unpalatable, simply look at the abhorrent actions of the Hogwarts staff. That, more than anything, should convince you.
The Daily Prophet is bereaved to inform readers that there has been advancement in the story of the murdered child at Hogwarts.
You have read correctly: murdered. Margo Anne Ward, 15, did not die from poor luck of the draw in the now infamous Spattergroit Epidemic. The innocent Hufflepuff was instead mauled and eaten at the hands (or paws, if you will) of a rabid werewolf within Hogwarts walls. What’s worse? The werewolf in question is Galen Stanley Ward, 18, none other than the poor girl’s brother, who is now being held in custody at the Ministry of Magic.
According to Patrick Raney, director of the Beast Division of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, Hogwarts was responsible for two registered underage werewolves, including Ward. “The Headmaster and his Hospital staff were given very clear, very specific instructions to maintain both Aldridge and Ward on a very strict Wolfsbane regiment,” a highly distraught Raney told the Prophet. “They were forewarned that reckless irresponsibility would have fatal consequences and could risk the ability for tainted individuals to receive a normal education, and we are devastated to have been proven right.”
Raney sums it up perfectly. Reckless irresponsibility has plagued the once prestigious wizarding school for nearly a decade and now our children are paying the price for it. Aurora Braelin-VonHaus, Head Healer at the castle, was responsible for the care and keeping of the young werewolves, and her failures have resulted in an undeserving muggleborn being decimated at the hands of the monsters that plague our nightmares by someone she should have trusted more than any other. And who has been oddly silent about it all? Who has hidden behind the wards of his Ottery St. Catchpole home without so much as an apology?
Headmaster Weasley himself.
It is bad enough that the magically gifted children of the United Kingdom have been subjected to sharing dormitories with potentially lethal creatures without the knowledge and consent of their legal guardians. But to allow his staff and the monsters of the moon he has so ardently protected to do as they please, even if it means breaking the regulations put in place by the Ministry itself, proves that something is wrong with the authority figure being allowed to lead the education of our children. Such behavior suggests personal, blatantly selfish motivations that cannot be conceived as healthy by anyone, particularly not by the School Board Governors.
Parents across the United Kingdom have written in their concerns about the situation at hand, and it has been rumored that a handful of students found themselves possessed by a strange dark magic on the same evening that Margo Ward perished. What could it all mean, other than the fact that Weasley and his lackeys are no longer working for the greater good, but against it?
We urge readers of The Prophet to put quill to parchment and make their voices heard as dark times are thrust upon us. Without words, there can be no catalyst to change, and the tyranny of Arthur Weasley will press forward.
Less than twenty-four hours ago, tragedy struck Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizadry.
An anonymous source has revealed that last night, very suddenly, a student at the once prestigious school passed away. A child. A sweet, innocent thing who didn’t even make it to their Ordinary Wizarding Level Examinations inhaled their last, shuddering breath behind walls that are supposed to be a sanctuary, and why? Because of the incompetent fools who have been allowed to let their tyranny suffocate the minds of our youth for the past decade.
Despite the Ministry’s best efforts to get a handle on the Spattergroit Epidemic that has plagued the castle for months, the disease has been allowed to persist. Anonymous sources say that Aurora Braelin-VonHaus, Hogwarts’s resident healer, has trumped every attempt made by St. Mungo’s healers Edmund Caverly and Duncan Cunningham to correct the situation. When asked, students claimed that all that was done to check their health was “a bit of poking and prodding,” and that anyone who appeared ill was quarantined for one week before they were released again. The approximate recovery time for even the mildest case of spattergroit is three weeks. Any other attempts made by the Ministry-appointed professionals was met by irate screaming that could be heard from classes two floors below the Hospital Wing, anonymous sources say.
Braelin-VonHaus has been employed at the school since September of 2024, and in the near decade she has been allowed to practice, the health and safety of students has snowballed into a chaotic, almost war-like atmosphere in which students have to scream to be heard if they are feeling unwell.
And now a child has died at her hands.
If we cannot be certain that our children are safe at school, then what can we be certain of? If Headmaster Arthur Weasley cannot see that the quality of his staff has fallen from grace and into a vortex of fatal consequences, then what’s to say that it will stop at one death? As long as Aurora Braelin-VonHaus is in charge of the wellbeing of our children, death is an ever-present possibility. And it is a possibility that the wizarding community of Britain should not sit idly by and accept.
From the Prophet, the Ministry, and a reporter who goes home to small children every day, we ask that you keep the fallen child in your thoughts as we work to uncover more of the story.
The wizarding world has plunged into an era of magical innovation and invention. With talented wizards making strides in new magical theories and traversing new frontiers, a prosperous age may be just on the horizon or so we think. Dissent in various academic circles, however, is now on the rise. Recent developments, such as Guildenstern’s proposed uses of dragon blood and the rare darinyx flower, have faced many accusations of fraud. Many have made demands for S.J.K.T.W. awards to be revoked. Others demand increased transparency when it comes to the “evidence” that supposedly supports new discoveries.
Transparency is a reasonable demand. That some of the researchers who have come under fire struggle to account for their work in this difficult time only serves to further fuel suspicions. But accusations may be false; it all may boil down to misunderstandings and inaccessibility.
“For all we know, it’s all a bunch of gibberish,” one disgruntled citizen said, and they may not be entirely wrong. “Maybe it’s all lies.” If it’s not a conspiracy, prove them wrong!
As the issue spins out of control, however, it may not matter where it all began. If magical civilization is to advance, it cannot be held down by petty conflicts that threaten to fracture communities. There must be higher expectations and higher standards that apply to all, or else charlatans may ruin it all. If there is to be some “Golden Age” in the twentieth century, these threats and shortcomings must be taken seriously.
SCOTLAND—As the recently developed strain of spattergroit runs rampant through the halls of Hogwarts, parents are forced to ask themselves: are our children safe anymore?
Sources confirm that the highly contagious disease has been allowed to spread among students at an exponential rate, contaminating at least 15% of the student population in two short months. The illness causes the skin to break out in purple pustules that heal over into hideous scars and often results in months of bedrest and occasionally death. The number of infected continues to rise daily, and as Headmaster Arthur Weasley, former Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office and known veteran of Second Wizarding War, continues to turn a blind eye on the situation, parents, the Prophet, and above all the Hogwarts School Board of Governors have been forced to ask the questions that no one else has dared to as the plague has grown worse.
“Does Weasley truly care about the welfare of the students or is he just interested in pushing his liberal agenda?” asks Alaric Montague, the dashing frontman for the Governors. “It’s as if he wants the children to be infected through his lack of action. So typical of him and his ilk to be paralyzed by ineptitude.”
Montague, one of the primary sources of funding for the prestigious school of witchcraft and wizardry, has been known to frequently voice his distaste for the current Headmaster. His doubts about Weasley’s ability to facilitate a positive learning environment for the United Kingdom’s most gifted students has begun to reach a crescendo as he asks to know “EXACTLY what steps Weasley plans to take to ensure the safety of our children” and continues to be answered with silence.
We kindly advise all parents to send a letter to their students to ensure the stability of their health, as it is believed that the Hospital Wing Staff at Hogwarts has been prohibited from releasing owls about the situation themselves.
If you have any information that could be of help regarding this case, please forward all owls to the Daily Prophet.
APPLEBY — Quidditch fans take note: if you’re looking for a spectacular game, a plethora of blood, and a good chance that you’ll come home with a broken nose, go to an Arrows v Wasps match. The statistics for Tuesday’s game between the long-time rivals were unprecedented, and we’re not talking about the score: By the end of the game, every player was injured (including every alternate), and there were a record number of spectator casualties–both from rabid fans and player intervention.
Whether the players intended to injure select audience members is of much debate. Arrows Chaser Amanda Overton’s rumoured ex-lover was reportedly in the crowd, which might have been the source of one particular quaffle chucked toward the crowd, though the rest were arguably in-game affairs. Overton and fellow Chaser Ryuichiro Takeda are known for their ridiculous throwing range, and when combined with teammate Baldwin Dumay, the trio is violently unstoppable, the pride of everyone from the Cumbria area (btw, the Jarkeni clan says hi).
Dubbed the “Bloody Brigade” by their fans, the trio is notorious for using quaffles illegally (ingeniously) as bludgers halfway between the passer and the recipient, adding an extra threat in cooperation with the Arrows’ beating team. Unfortunately for the Arrows’ legal team, this also translates into occasionally underestimating their strength and shooting the quaffle directly into the open arms (and face) of an unfortunate (or fortunate), dedicated fan.
Such incidents occurred no fewer than five separate times at Tuesday’s match, which resulted in a couple of riots amongst fans who were jealous of such special treatment. Wasps fans, who tried at first to pretend they were above it all, broke out into separate riots halfway through the match–or what we saw of it, anyhow. After the fifth hit proved to be no guarantee that the violence would dim down as the match progressed, Quidditch officials ended the game and partnered with local authourities to break everyone up and take statements. Ministry officials have been assured that the violence was simply “all in good fun,” according to one grinning fan with a loose tooth or two.
The fan continued on to imply that he only showed up to Quidditch matches for the fights, which, while ignorant at the concept of how amazing Quidditch is, is admirable. “It’s the thrill of the chase, no matter how you spin it,” the fan, who wishes to remain nameless, said. “I love not knowing what’s going to happen next with the chickens. Yodeling. Pancakes on a Pluto trombone. Wizengamot.” He then started mumbling other incoherent phrases, and was collected by a concerned/annoyed Mediwitch who tsked loudly at him.
The good-fun theory was reinforced by amiable pats-on-the-back by previously rioting folks. Ministry officials estimated about 4,000 galleons done in damage to the stadium, personnel, and guests.
Team captains have supposedly disciplined their teams to prevent further incidents,but Quidditch officials have banned the teams from playing each other until further notise. The game ended officially on a no-score draw, but everyone knows the Arrows would have won, anyway.
Affronted mum of student who flooded the fifth floor launches a campaign against the Weasleys' shop. Pamphlets rain down every morning in the Great Hall, lecturing on the liberal leniencies by the headmaster and violence against bums due to inadequate safety warning labels on WWW's fireworks.
After months of suspicions over the standards of the Pre-Hogwarts Primary kitchens, reports have been received concerning the most recent, rather chatty pupils residing in the school’s cooking facilities.
The Office of Magical Health Inspection has been on record stating that “the issue had not been brought to their attention until very recently,” and that the office’s chief inspectors would be resolving the issue as soon as possible. However, the Prophet has been receiving news about the pests for months now, recalling in particular the complaints of the mother of one Delphine Dinkleberry, a student at the primary school who brought one of the rats home after claiming that its voice sounded just like her Uncle Rudolph’s.
“I wouldn’t let my daughter near cafeteria food to save my life,” the mother proclaimed firmly to reporters, surrounded by many of her peers. “Especially not when there’s vermin lying in wait quite literally asking my child to carry its diseases.”
Among the chief concerns regarding this case is how the rats started talking in the first place. Theories include but are not limited to a silencing potion gone wrong meant to be distributed by the current heads of staff at the school and the possibility that the infamous Master Yoshi of Muggle Ninja Turtle fame has finally released his offspring into the public community.
The Misses Blythe and McManus were unavailable for comment on the situation. As were the rats.
"Yeah right," Lyceus snarled as he read the article at the table over breakfast. He looked over at his wife, Eleora, shaking his head. "I bet with their help, the Aurors will be led astray." Before he went off on some weird tangent, he looked at all his children eating their breakfasts and frowned. He was never more grateful for his family as a whole and he smiled at Eleora. "Thank Merlin you married me, otherwise, who knows...?"
"That would never be you, Lie."
My crops are growing fine, thank you. If he can afford enough aurors to have one attack an eleven-year-old (while D.E.s are running loose!) then money isn't the problem when trying to send someone to Hogsmeade/Hogwarts.