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  1. A secretive private rehabilitation facility in rural Cumbria has shocked humans and non-humans alike by revealing its purpose is the rehabilitation of part-vampires to function as human in the magical community.
     
    Vasile Petrescu, founder of the Petrescu Rehabilitation Centre, appeared on the wireless this week announcing the first graduates of his year-long programme. Petrescu stated his aim was "to allow part-vampires to disengage from the vampire community and rise above their baser instincts to fully integrate into human society." He claims his three graduates, whose names he has withheld, are now indistinguishable from humans, and that by this time next year at least ten part-vampires will have completed his treatment.
     
    Part-vampire advocacy group B.L.O.O.D. released a short statement in response to the news. "B.L.O.O.D. is unsuprised by Andrei Petrescu's bigotry, but we are surprised and disappointed that multiple part-vampires have felt isolated and unsupported to the point of paying a large sum of money to have an integral part of their identity erased. Both the human and vampire communities have failed these people and driven them into the arms of a predatory fraud."
     
    "All my patients come to me of their own volition," responded Petrescu in an exclusive comment to The Daily Prophet. "I provide a service which cannot be found anywhere else, and as long as there are part-vampires looking for a positive change in their lives, I will provide it."

  2. Reports are pouring in from dozens of sources in the early hours of Sunday morning that Ollivander's, beloved wand shop of Diagon Alley, has been vandalised and an unknown amount of wands have been taken from the premises.

     

    "The doors and windows was busted up to oblivion," said Callus Mordain of Knockturn Alley, who caught sight of the aftermath on his early morning stroll. "Things was on fire and broken and it looked like a lotta shelves was empty. I didn't take no wands, though, I promise you that!"

     

    It is unclear as of yet the extent of the damage or how much inventory was stolen, however this would not be the first time the shop, open since 382 BC, has been the target of such a heinous crime. "The complexity of skilled wandmaking has always been the root of envy in the wizarding world. People are most often lured in by the high quality merchandise and galleons that a wand shop like Ollivander's produces," says celebrity wand expert, Katta Katternova, host of The Next Great Wandmaker. "I wouldn't be surprised if it was some lowly no-named thieves just looking to turn a profit."

     

    We reached out to the shop's current owner, Agatha Ollivander, who requested only privacy during this time. Ollivander's is closed to the public temporarily as they asses the damage, although they are still taking orders by owl.

     

    Any information regarding the witches or wizards responsible for this crime can be reported to the Department of  Magical Law Enforcement. Rewards of up to 100 galleons have been offered for helpful tips in this case.

  3. Please forgive my prolonged absence, I needed a bit of time to emotionally recover from the past two years of History of Magic with Professor Bourdelle and her possessed dolls. If you're a sixth year just be grateful you're halfway through the year and you have Grimsby and his fabulous mustache back next year. In the mean time for the current second and third years, I've prepped a little survival guide to get you through your next term safety. And as for the first years, pay attention, you're about to fight for your life for two years.

     

    1. Always have a weapon. Be it a really sharp stick or in my case a blow torch, you never know when one of her evil dolls will pop out of no where and you need to be ready to stab. I recommend going for the eyes.

    2. Constant vigilance. Never let the boring subject matter distract you. Bourdelle loves to lure her victims students into a false sense of security. Under no circumstances should you fall asleep that means you @Desmond Potter! And you wonder why you keep getting attacked by your grandpa.

    3. Find someone slower than you. Yup that's right. Find a friend you can out run. The dolls will feast on the first person they can get their grubby doll hands on, giving you plenty of time to get to safety.

    4. Don't be afraid to throw and elbow. Or trip someone to aid your escape.

    5. Don't touch anything. Only touch your stuff. Heck if you're coordinated enough, to take notes while standing do that instead of sitting.

    6. Learn to fake sneeze. It's the easiest way to get out of a portkey at the last second with minimal detention. Nothing good happens on a fieldtrip that Professor Bourdelle planned. Trust me.

    7. Do not provoke Bourdelle. I learned this lesson the hard way. If Bourdelle shrinks you to goblin size or turns you into a canary, do not retaliate. She will give you detention and purposely give one of her dolls bat bogeys and lock you in a room with it.

    8. Always wear a mustache. Mustaches are cool and they will annoy Bourdelle, so it's a win-win.

    9. Find a shield. Whether you "borrow" one from a suit of armor in the castle or MacGyver one yourself, it's the fastest way to protect yourself and possibly put @Dove Lightwood in danger. Heck buy some safety googles and kneepads why you're add it that way you can be safe, and attend my Introduction to Welding class.

    10. Try not to complain too much about how Grimsby is superior. Yes, I know it's a known fact, but voicing this will mean you are violating Tip 7. Support Grimsby in her class at your own risk. His mustache might be magical but it can't heal the emotional scaring that is being shrunken to goblin size.

     

    Cordelia Waldegrave

    How Not To Die Columnist | VH36

  4. Gryffindor Gazette

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  5. Parselmouth

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  6. Ex Libris

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